How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities [Paperback]

John L. Lund (Author)

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Granite Publishing & Distribution (August 8, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1891114344
• ISBN-13: 978-1891114342
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #81,167 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

73 of 73 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life-Changing Book, April 22, 2001

By 

Researcher "Gene Pooler" (Mesa, AZ USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities (Paperback)

Dr. Lund's book is one of the most influential books I have read. The subtitle to the book is "Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities." His prior book "The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism," contained some of the information in this current book, but "How to Hug a Porcupine" is better organized and more concise.

The book spends a large amount of time in identifying the characteristics of "emotional porcupines." These emotional porcupines are usually people that seek to control their lives and the lives of others. They constantly throw emotional quills and consequently are difficult to hug without impaling one's self. The most intersting part of the book is on how to live with a "porcupine." The strength of this self-help book is that it gives you concrete ways to protect and arm yourself from the damaging quills of emotional porcupines.

Soon after reading this book, I changed my cell phone to read "No Critics", to remind me of the damage that any criticism (there is no such thing as constructive criticism according to Lund) can do to others and to remind me to not criticize.

Dr. Lund's book is full of insight and, most importantly, methods on how to improve yourself if you are a porcupine and also on how to deal with porcupines without damaging your own ego. Dr. Lund also has a tape out that covers similar material, but I believe was recorded well before he wrote this book. This is a book that can help anyone in their relationships with children, siblings, parents or spouses.

62 of 63 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How To Hug A Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to L, June 2, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities (Paperback)

How To Hug a Porcupine should be read by every person who is in or has been in a toxic relationship. I found this book to be one of the most inspiring self-help books I have ever read. I found it difficult to read at times, because I felt I was reliving my past. Dr. Lund starts out with a very detailed Table of Contents, outlining every chapter. There are numberous case studies, I appreciated the fact that they didn't always work out like the textbook said they should. There are quizzes to take. Specific step-by-step directions on how to help you become a more healthy person despite the porcupines in your life. Dr. Lund helps you learn how to use "armored gloves and other tools" in dealing with any toxic person - young, old, spouse, child. Dr. Lund uses similies/medaphors in describing behaviors. I have found many useful ideas in helping me become a more healthy person. This book is awesome, I highly recommend it!

37 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Ouch! It's kinda painful to read this book!, March 6, 2006

By 

Rita Buch (United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities (Paperback)

I read this book, thinking I had people in my life that would fit the description of porcupines, and that I could pick up a few pointers on how to handle them. Imagine my horror and dismay when I discovered that I'M a porcupine!!! That is, I have a goodly number of the characteristics that the author uses to define porcupine behavior. I was stunned to see that many qualities that I saw in myself as being "helpful" to people are in fact toxic and painful. When I looked at these traits from the point of view of "would I want someone to treat ME that way?" the answer was a definite "No." *sigh* Thus, reading the book became one of the most painful experiences of my life. Now I have to say that I think that I'm one of the nicest porcupines you'll ever meet. Nonetheless, I saw traits in myself that need to be changed. Mr. Lund gives you steps to take if you want to eliminate these behaviors, and it has been my daunting task to work on this ever since. It took me about three years (!!!!! NO, I'm not kidding) to complete the assignment of going through one twenty-four day without saying anything negative at all. Try it before you roll your eyeballs into next week. It's (MUCH) harder than you think. I'm not sure a truly toxic person could take this book. But it does give good strategy suggestions for protecting yourself from such people.

All I can say is good luck.