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How to Know If It's Time to Go: A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage Paperback – March 2, 2010


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How to Know If It's Time to Go: A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage + Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Sterling (March 2, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1402766432
  • ISBN-13: 978-1402766435
  • Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 6 x 9.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #55,219 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Psychoanalyst Birnbach and organizational consultant Hyman team up to present a guide to gauging how serious problems are in a marriage, what can be done to resolve them, or whether it's time to separate and divorce. Each chapter covers a relevant topic and closes with self-assessment questions. The authors see divorce as a last resort but provide a concrete plan for how to prepare and carry it out so it's as painless as possible. Excellent support for those who feel trapped in an unhappy marriage. --Library Journal

About the Author

Dr. Lawrence Birnbach is a psychoanalyst who specializes in working with individuals and couples in troubled relationships as well as offers couples and individual group therapy. He practices in New York City and in Westport, CT.

 

Dr. Beverly Hyman is an internationally known business and organizational consultant specializing in conflict management. She is a consultant to several United Nations agencies and has been a featured speaker at national and international conferences, including: The United Nations Conference to End the Decade for Women and many others.


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Customer Reviews

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The information is very grounded in research and the content is useful.
jover10
I appreciated that this book was never partial to one gender or another, and ultimately left the decision of whether to divorce or reconcile up to the reader.
Marie
The book provides usable guidance to help you repair a good relationship gone astray or to decide if you have reached the point of no return.
mark440

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 33 people found the following review helpful By Ilene Lander on March 28, 2010
Format: Paperback
They say that "three is the charm". In my case, this is definitely true.
After 2 failed marriages, I am now, fortunately, in a wonderful relationship
with my husband and I treasure each and every day. Had I known and understood everything the authors speak of in this book, perhaps it would not have taken me so long to get it right. I particularly love "The Marriage Bill of Rights" the right to loyalty, protection, affection, freedom, honesty and respect.

If you or anyone out there is in a bad marriage and contemplating divorce,
please read this book and don't be afraid. I am living proof that you can
make it on your own, and then be free to find the right and perfect soul mate.

Ilene Lander
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful By LSFSL on June 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Let me begin by saying that I'm a very happily married woman -- the second time around.

I only wish that I could have read this book 20 or more years ago as I ended my first marriage. I recognized myself and the fears and problems I faced in every chapter. The authors' words of wisdom might have given me the confidence to end my marriage much sooner than I did. I fought to keep my marriage alive for all the wrong reasons, and didn't realize how much better that life could and would be for me once it was over.

Three cheers for Birnbach and Hyman for this extremely informative decision-making tool. "The Marriage Test" alone is invaluable.

LSFSL
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Marie on June 20, 2011
Format: Paperback
I appreciated that this book was never partial to one gender or another, and ultimately left the decision of whether to divorce or reconcile up to the reader. While it does include some chapters on children, the bulk of the book is about couples who either have no children or have children never mentioned in the examples (nothing against kids, but childless couples are largely overlooked in this field of literature).
The book treats the subject of separation, reconciliation, and divorce with dignity. Instead of 300 pages of regurgitated drivel about making it work no matter what, or worse yet, 10 chapters of "rah-rah!" to pump you up about your impending divorce, the authors approach the subject matter sensibly and with respect for the feelings of the reader.
While I cannot say that this book helped me decide (sadly, that decision was made by someone else), I took the advice provided to heart even though my divorce was inevitable. The advice didn't stop my divorce from happening, but it gave me the ability to walk away at the end of the day knowing that I gave it my personal best.
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19 of 24 people found the following review helpful By Judith J. Warren on March 3, 2010
Format: Paperback
As a psychologist who sees both couples and individuals, I was happy to read How to Know If It's Time to Go. It is a wonderful book for helping anyone struggling in their marriage.

The book is full of anecdotes to flesh out many situations that people can identify with and a variety of topics which often cause stress in relationships. I plan to recommend it to several of my patients (as well as acquaintances) because it looks squarely at what constitutes a viable relationship, helps people assess their own, gives ideas to improve marriages, or if that's not possible, offers suggestions for successful navigation of separation and divorce.

Judith Warren, Ph.D.
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Ken Goldman on March 13, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book is a terrific read for anyone in a relationship -- happy or unhappy, married or unmarried -- but especially those who find themselves at crossroads. If everyone followed this book's messages, particularly those in the Marriage Bill of Rights, this would be a much happier world. Although the book is complex and deep, it is well-written and an easy read in the best sense. I enjoyed every page. Highly recommended.

How to Know If It's Time to Go: A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Learning Ops Manager on March 31, 2010
Format: Paperback
If you are stuck in a relationship knowing things aren't right, this book can help get you motivated to do something about the problem. The reader immediately gets hooked emotionally identifying with problem areas and assessing exactly how unhappy you are.
The Marriage Bill of Rights is a winning concept. You are entitled to: loyalty, protection, affection, partnering, caregiving, support, companionship, freedom, honest communication and respect.
"How to Know" also help you identify your fears of leaving a relationship and helps you to examine if you have exhausted your possibilities of improving it. If all else fails, the guide helps you through the going.
It's a "must read" for people in unsatisfying relationships.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By mark440 on March 20, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book provides practical and valuable ideas for everyone to consider
in assessing their relationship. All relationships go through periods of highs and lows.
The book provides usable guidance to help you repair a good relationship gone astray or
to decide if you have reached the point of no return.
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6 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Debbie G. on May 1, 2010
Format: Paperback
If you think this is one of those self-help books which provide only generalities about marital relationships, you will be pleased to know that this is a well-researched yet easy to read book in which you gain valuable insight and learn detailed skills to be able to determine how successful (or not) your marriage is and what you can and should do about either improving it or leaving it. The authors' use of personal interviews as a jumping off point to draw intelligent conclusions about the status of that person's marriage is an effective means to make a reader relate to real people's marital issues,and that caused me to trust the authors' analytical conclusions.

This is a wise, specific and intelligent read.
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