How to Live: A Search for Wisdom from Old People (While They Are Still on This Earth) (Hardcover)

by Henry Alford (Author)
Key Phrases: henry alford, Ram Dass, Hot Rod, New York (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. Alford (Big Kiss) recognizes that the elderly have been through more in their lives than the rest of us, and figures it might be a good idea to talk to some of them and see if they have any meaningful advice to impart. This plan sets off a prolonged meditation: what is wisdom, anyway? Some of his interview subjects are famous, like playwright Edward Albee or literary critic Harold Bloom—but it's the less recognized figures who consistently provide Alford with the most evocative source material, like the retired schoolteacher who lost her husband, her home and all her possessions in Hurricane Katrina but refuses to feel sorry for herself. The search is not all rosy: shortly after , Alford's interview with his stepfather, he loses his sobriety and the author becomes a sideline observer as his mother initiates divorce proceedings and moves into a retirement home. Such scenarios depart from the laugh-out-loud stories for which Alford is best known, but there are still enough moments of rich humor, like the guided tour of Sylvia Miles's cluttered apartment, for longtime fans of Alford. (Jan. 2)
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From Bookmarks Magazine
"A bit David Sedaris, a bit Charles Grodin" (Cleveland Plain Dealer), with a little Studs Terkel and Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie) thrown in for good measure, Alford, when he's on, has all the critics in stitches. They extol his keen wit and ability to keep a somber subject lighthearted. Drawing on such a wide range of source material has its benefits and drawbacks: Alford covers a lot of ground, but the result is, for some reviewers, a narrative that's a little too slack and uninspired. Whether it's his treatment of his mother's marriage or a rumination on his aging cat's wisdom, some things just seem out of place. Then again, maybe when we're older, we'll come back to How to Live, and it will all make perfect sense.
Copyright 2009 Bookmarks Publishing LLC

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Twelve; First Edition, 1st Printing edition (January 2, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446196037
• ISBN-13: 978-0446196031
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #28,260 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A funny, engaging primer on growing old gracefully, January 11, 2009

By	David M. Giltinan (San Francisco) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

A more accurate title for this book would be "Growing Old Gracefully", as it's obvious that the question Alford is really interested in is "How should we come to terms with our own mortality?" He decides the best way to find out is to ask a bunch of elderly people, then try to distil key life lessons from the resulting conversations. Framing this process as a "search for wisdom" doesn't help particularly, and occasionally causes him to get sidetracked into some fairly unproductive academic discussions. It's not surprising that encouraging people to talk about their own lives works far better than asking them about "wisdom" in the abstract, an approach which, predictably, yields mostly just bland generalities.

As a general rule, his success is inversely proportional to the fame of the interviewee. Conversations with Harold Bloom* and Edward Albee lead to unhelpful pseudo-profundities like "wisdom is a perfection that can either absorb or destroy us", and pointless exchanges about the dictionary definition of "wisdom". A series of meetings with actress Sylvia Miles reveal little more than her apparently bottomless self-infatuation. The most interesting thing that is gleaned from self-styled guru Ram Dass's pontification on "wisdom" and "spirituality" is his admission that he doesn't plan to attend his own brother's funeral. This, quite rightly, bothers Alford, though he later suggests that Dass is redeemed by the calm acceptance he displays in the aftermath of a disabling stroke. It's unclear whether this reflects Alford's innate generosity of spirit, or an unwillingness to admit to himself how worthless his pilgrimage to meet with Dass has been. Sandra Tsing Loh has already written more about her eccentric father than anyone might possibly want to know, so Alford's decision to include further anecdotes about Mr Loh's dumpster-diving and public urination is baffling.

* I should add that the most memorable response Alford elicits, in an otherwise fairly ho-hum interview with Bloom, is in answer to the simple question "What have you gained with age?" Bloom: "A healthier respect and affection for my wife than I used to have..." (smiles) "Next May will be our fiftieth anniversary". Somehow that moment of sweetness makes one forgive Professor Bloom many of his more pompous utterances over the years.

Fortunately for Alford, and for the reader, his conversations with less well-known senior citizens are more rewarding. The best chapters of this book are those in which Alford describes meetings with `ordinary' senior citizens: Charlotte Prozan, a San Francisco psychotherapist he met on a cruise organized by The Nation; Althea Washington, a 75-year old retired schoolteacher who lost her husband and her house in Hurricane Katrina; Setsuko Nishi, 86-year old professor emerita of sociology at Brooklyn College and CUNY; Doris Haddock (aka Granny D), who staged a 3000-mile walk across America in support of campaign finance reform back in 1999, when she was still a spry octogenarian.

Most affecting of all are the author's conversations with his own mother and stepfather. In what comes as an obvious shock, shortly after he interviews each of them, his mother (aged 79 at the time) asks for a divorce. Alford's account of the events that follow, and the reverberations throughout the family, is remarkable for his ability to navigate obviously treacherous emotional territory without ever becoming exploitative or judgemental. In all of his writing, one senses that Alford is fundamentally a true mensch, a really decent guy. It's part of what makes his work so enjoyable, and it really serves him well here. His writing about his family is funny and moving (never exploitative: David Sedaris, please take note), and is one of the best parts of this book.

Interspersed among the conversations are the results of Alford's auxiliary research - what various philosophers have to say about wisdom, what other cultures have to offer on the subject. There is also a (desultory) consideration of deathbed confessions and famous last words as possible sources of insight. These are, at best, intermittently amusing.

This book is a departure from Alford's previous work, the two collections "Big Kiss" and "Municipal Bondage", humorous essays reminiscent of, and often much funnier than, the work of David Rakoff and David Sedaris. Though his choice of subject here doesn't afford him the chance to be as hilariously funny as he was in the earlier books, he is witty and engaging throughout. The interviews with Bloom, Dass, and Albee would have benefited from a little less deference: one gets the sense that Alford was holding his natural snark in check. "How to Live" doesn't quite have the mischievous exuberance that made "Municipal Bondage" such a joy to read, but it does have compensating virtues of it own, particularly the interviews with `ordinary seniors' and Alford's extremely moving writing about his own family.

I had expected Henry Alford to be charming. Who knew he could be wise as well?

4.5 stars, rounded up to 5, because I think Alford's hilarious Municipal bondage: one man's anxiety-producing adventures in deserved more critical acclaim than it received.

14 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Very disappointing, January 23, 2009

By	Gerald Shifrin (Colorado Springs, Colorado USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Instead of the expected wisdom from a broad selection of smart older folks, we get the life story of the author and his mother interspersed with small snippets of his research from other (probably more valuable) books and various anecdotes from the interviews he did manage. How sad to see how little he was able to distill from his meetings with notables like Ram Dass compared with the overabundance of his own thoughts and experiences.

This is not the book I thought I was getting!

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars RICK "SHAQ" GOLDSTEIN SAYS: "IS IT WISE TO READ THIS BOOK... OR IS IT WISE... NOT TO READ THIS BOOK?", January 18, 2009

By	Rick Shaq Goldstein "Rick Shaq Goldstein" (Danville, Ca, USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)

The author decides to set out on a quest... to not only search for wisdom... but to try to get a true definition of what wisdom really is... from people who have truly had the opportunity to acquire life's experiences... our elderly. The wide ranging paths that the author travels... leads to many things... including conundrums... such as... sometimes our greatest strengths... are usually our greatest liabilities. The reader also receives interesting bits of historical data... such as... "Benjamin Franklin helped frame the U.S. Constitution at eighty-one; Golda Meir assumed leadership of Israel at seventy, and Nelson Mandela assumed leadership of South Africa at seventy-six." We also get a heavy dose of the author's elderly Mother's decision to move out and divorce his stepfather. In fact there are more pages in this book dedicated to his Mother's decision... and the resultant affects on her and their family... than any other individual subject in the book. We learn that his Mom makes decisions like a LASER-BEAM... "She doesn't cut to the chase; she starts at the chase." But my decision to purchase this book was not based on the knowledge... nor... the assumption... that so much time would be spent on this one topic.

The author obviously spent a lot of time and energy in background research... and also... in the effort of attempting to arrange interviews with some hard to pin down elderly subjects. One such subject Eugene Loh... was nauseating to read about. Eugene is an "eighty-seven-year-old retired aerospace engineer who left Shanghai to come to the United States to graduate school; he has five science degrees, including ones from Cal Tech, Purdue, and Stanford." As the author ruminates what it was like watching AND SHARING all the food that Eugene takes out of trash cans... including black bananas... and partially ate sandwiches... a potential reader would have to fight off a "gag" reflex... when he goes to a Starbucks trash can and pulls out a "coffee cup with two inches of milky coffee in it and a cigarette; Loh fished the cigarette out and then drank the coffee."

At times the reading became a laborious task in order to get to some key points the author was trying to nail down. To me... the best parts of the book... were the always enlightening historical quotations and facts that were peppered throughout... such as: "Einstein never dreamed of Hiroshima when he approached Roosevelt and convinced him to build the atom bomb. When Einstein heard it was dropped on humans, he pulled out his hair and said, "I don't know what the weapons of World War III will be. But I know the weapons of World War IV-sticks and stones."... and that when William F. Buckley died... the papers he bequeathed to Yale weighed seven tons... and even as diverse a subject as actress Sylvia Miles... who was nominated for best supporting actress twice... once for 1969's "MIDNIGHT COWBOY"... and once for 1975's "FAREWELL, MY LOVELY"... despite the fact that her combined time on screen for both movies was nine minutes.

"The term wisdom has had roughly EIGHT-MILLION definitions over the course of history"... and you have to invest some time and effort to learn the ones presented here".

But perhaps the best advice of all comes from Mark Twain who said:
"WISDOM IS THE REWARD YOU GET FOR A LIFETIME OF LISTENING WHEN YOU WOULD RATHER HAVE TALKED."