Customer Reviews

How to Live: A Search for Wisdom from Old People (While They Are Still on This Earth)

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

A more accurate title for this book would be "Growing Old Gracefully", as it's obvious that the question Alford is really interested in is "How should we come to terms with our own mortality?" He decides the best way to find out is to ask a bunch of elderly people, then try to distil key life lessons from the resulting conversations. Framing this process as a "search for wisdom" doesn't help particularly, and occasionally causes him to get sidetracked into some fairly unproductive academic discussions. It's not surprising that encouraging people to talk about their own lives works far better than asking them about "wisdom" in the abstract, an approach which, predictably, yields mostly just bland generalities.

As a general rule, his success is inversely proportional to the fame of the interviewee. Conversations with Harold Bloom* and Edward Albee lead to unhelpful pseudo-profundities like "wisdom is a perfection that can either absorb or destroy us", and pointless exchanges about the dictionary definition of "wisdom". A series of meetings with actress Sylvia Miles reveal little more than her apparently bottomless self-infatuation. The most interesting thing that is gleaned from self-styled guru Ram Dass's pontification on "wisdom" and "spirituality" is his admission that he doesn't plan to attend his own brother's funeral. This, quite rightly, bothers Alford, though he later suggests that Dass is redeemed by the calm acceptance he displays in the aftermath of a disabling stroke. It's unclear whether this reflects Alford's innate generosity of spirit, or an unwillingness to admit to himself how worthless his pilgrimage to meet with Dass has been. Sandra Tsing Loh has already written more about her eccentric father than anyone might possibly want to know, so Alford's decision to include further anecdotes about Mr Loh's dumpster-diving and public urination is baffling.

* I should add that the most memorable response Alford elicits, in an otherwise fairly ho-hum interview with Bloom, is in answer to the simple question "What have you gained with age?" Bloom: "A healthier respect and affection for my wife than I used to have..." (smiles) "Next May will be our fiftieth anniversary". Somehow that moment of sweetness makes one forgive Professor Bloom many of his more pompous utterances over the years.

Fortunately for Alford, and for the reader, his conversations with less well-known senior citizens are more rewarding. The best chapters of this book are those in which Alford describes meetings with `ordinary' senior citizens: Charlotte Prozan, a San Francisco psychotherapist he met on a cruise organized by The Nation; Althea Washington, a 75-year old retired schoolteacher who lost her husband and her house in Hurricane Katrina; Setsuko Nishi, 86-year old professor emerita of sociology at Brooklyn College and CUNY; Doris Haddock (aka Granny D), who staged a 3000-mile walk across America in support of campaign finance reform back in 1999, when she was still a spry octogenarian.

Most affecting of all are the author's conversations with his own mother and stepfather. In what comes as an obvious shock, shortly after he interviews each of them, his mother (aged 79 at the time) asks for a divorce. Alford's account of the events that follow, and the reverberations throughout the family, is remarkable for his ability to navigate obviously treacherous emotional territory without ever becoming exploitative or judgemental. In all of his writing, one senses that Alford is fundamentally a true mensch, a really decent guy. It's part of what makes his work so enjoyable, and it really serves him well here. His writing about his family is funny and moving (never exploitative: David Sedaris, please take note), and is one of the best parts of this book.

Interspersed among the conversations are the results of Alford's auxiliary research - what various philosophers have to say about wisdom, what other cultures have to offer on the subject. There is also a (desultory) consideration of deathbed confessions and famous last words as possible sources of insight. These are, at best, intermittently amusing.

This book is a departure from Alford's previous work, the two collections "Big Kiss" and "Municipal Bondage", humorous essays reminiscent of, and often much funnier than, the work of David Rakoff and David Sedaris. Though his choice of subject here doesn't afford him the chance to be as hilariously funny as he was in the earlier books, he is witty and engaging throughout. The interviews with Bloom, Dass, and Albee would have benefited from a little less deference: one gets the sense that Alford was holding his natural snark in check. "How to Live" doesn't quite have the mischievous exuberance that made "Municipal Bondage" such a joy to read, but it does have compensating virtues of it own, particularly the interviews with `ordinary seniors' and Alford's extremely moving writing about his own family.

I had expected Henry Alford to be charming. Who knew he could be wise as well?

4.5 stars, rounded up to 5, because I think Alford's hilarious Municipal bondage: one man's anxiety-producing adventures in deserved more critical acclaim than it received.

The author decides to set out on a quest... to not only search for wisdom... but to try to get a true definition of what wisdom really is... from people who have truly had the opportunity to acquire life's experiences... our elderly. The wide ranging paths that the author travels... leads to many things... including conundrums... such as... sometimes our greatest strengths... are usually our greatest liabilities. The reader also receives interesting bits of historical data... such as... "Benjamin Franklin helped frame the U.S. Constitution at eighty-one; Golda Meir assumed leadership of Israel at seventy, and Nelson Mandela assumed leadership of South Africa at seventy-six." We also get a heavy dose of the author's elderly Mother's decision to move out and divorce his stepfather. In fact there are more pages in this book dedicated to his Mother's decision... and the resultant affects on her and their family... than any other individual subject in the book. We learn that his Mom makes decisions like a LASER-BEAM... "She doesn't cut to the chase; she starts at the chase." But my decision to purchase this book was not based on the knowledge... nor... the assumption... that so much time would be spent on this one topic.

The author obviously spent a lot of time and energy in background research... and also... in the effort of attempting to arrange interviews with some hard to pin down elderly subjects. One such subject Eugene Loh... was nauseating to read about. Eugene is an "eighty-seven-year-old retired aerospace engineer who left Shanghai to come to the United States to graduate school; he has five science degrees, including ones from Cal Tech, Purdue, and Stanford." As the author ruminates what it was like watching AND SHARING all the food that Eugene takes out of trash cans... including black bananas... and partially ate sandwiches... a potential reader would have to fight off a "gag" reflex... when he goes to a Starbucks trash can and pulls out a "coffee cup with two inches of milky coffee in it and a cigarette; Loh fished the cigarette out and then drank the coffee."

At times the reading became a laborious task in order to get to some key points the author was trying to nail down. To me... the best parts of the book... were the always enlightening historical quotations and facts that were peppered throughout... such as: "Einstein never dreamed of Hiroshima when he approached Roosevelt and convinced him to build the atom bomb. When Einstein heard it was dropped on humans, he pulled out his hair and said, "I don't know what the weapons of World War III will be. But I know the weapons of World War IV-sticks and stones."... and that when William F. Buckley died... the papers he bequeathed to Yale weighed seven tons... and even as diverse a subject as actress Sylvia Miles... who was nominated for best supporting actress twice... once for 1969's "MIDNIGHT COWBOY"... and once for 1975's "FAREWELL, MY LOVELY"... despite the fact that her combined time on screen for both movies was nine minutes.

"The term wisdom has had roughly EIGHT-MILLION definitions over the course of history"... and you have to invest some time and effort to learn the ones presented here".

But perhaps the best advice of all comes from Mark Twain who said:
"WISDOM IS THE REWARD YOU GET FOR A LIFETIME OF LISTENING WHEN YOU WOULD RATHER HAVE TALKED."

Instead of the expected wisdom from a broad selection of smart older folks, we get the life story of the author and his mother interspersed with small snippets of his research from other (probably more valuable) books and various anecdotes from the interviews he did manage. How sad to see how little he was able to distill from his meetings with notables like Ram Dass compared with the overabundance of his own thoughts and experiences.

This is not the book I thought I was getting!

In plain language, this book is silly. I'd rather search for wisdom in one of those Chicken Soup For The ___'s. Alford's humor strikes me as adolescent, his adulation of aphoristic sayings and of 'plain folks' annoying, and his interspersal of his own family's comings and goings overdone and sometimes insensitive. At one point his mother, newly ensconced in a retirement community, is cast as Chiquita Banana in a play, which she enjoys. He makes one of his 'jokes' about her new life as a banana. Ignorant and insensitive, not funny. And do I care that he's gay? No, and I don't see what relevance his frequent mention of his orientation has on the topic at hand. If I could delete this book completely from my Kindle, rather than put it in the archive section, I would.

Of course if you're after a serious academic study then off you must trot for 'Where Shall Wisdom Be Found?' by Mr Harold Bloom. Personally I gave up reading that stuff when I left university and don't intend to resume till I retire, if then.

This is much better, my favourite type of non-fiction - a charming and witty narrator takes me on a tour of a serious subject - both funny and enlightening. Henry Alford carries one effortlessly along without skimping on the corners but without getting so serious that my attention wanders off during the morning commute. Such an sympathetic eye for detail. Mr Bloom and his wife engraved on a mug - the importance of nice bedlinen and what is revealed about a marriage by the changing of a light fitting.

The author has a kind of wicked curiosity which is quite irresistible, but he's thoughtful too - more than generous to his subjects and he comes to some useful and pleasing conclusions.

I really recommend this book - whatever your age.

(Nice 3-piece binding too. More publishers should do that.)

For a person who is actually very interested in talking to old people and learn from them, I though this is just the right book to buy and take for my Paris vacation based on the wonderful ad that I read on New Yorker.

I was wrong. And here is why:

1. It is obvious that the author set out to discover wisdom from certain old people; but then it appears he could only manage to get a few of them to be interviewed. Briefly. It is such a labor to see the author struggle to 'extract' wisdom from such thin materials.

2. The family drama between his mother and his stepfather only has very loose connection with what the author was set out to do. And there was certain details revealing that his mother was quite aware of his project of writing this book and she was consious of being quoted.

3. There is no consistent 'wisdom' found by the author. Neither do I. Instead we met a couple of "would be" interesting figures, but then the chapter ends with no fresh material since the author could not or would not dig deeper.

I am currently reading another book purchased on Amazon: The Snowball - Warren Buffett and the Business of Life. Now THAT is a book to learn from an old folk - a 900 page book with full co-operation from Buffett, his family members and business partners and associates, hundreds of hours of recorded interviews, full of details and anecdotes. Every page turned I learn something, and as a reader, I thank the author Alice Schroeder for making Buffett trusting her and for writing a book to make reading such an enjoyable ride.

If you want to read the author's musings on wisdom, read this book. If you want to hear much from old people, better talk to some old people yourself.
It's a diary about the time the author spent collecting information for a book about the wisdom of old people. Besides his mother, the old people are almost a side bar. Which is too bad, b/c it seems there may have been a lot more from all those clever people, who granted him an interview, to share with the reader. Somehow his cat makes a major appearance in the story, too. Surely other readers are also scratching their heads about that one.

I'm sorry that I can't rate this book any higher, but it is not what I expected (given the title). I think everyone, including the author would be hard pressed to tell me what the point was. There was astonishingly little wisdom contained in the book. Lots of rambling. Some interesting aphorisms. If you want to read a good book on wisdom, try Stephen Hall's. The contrast is amazing.

I especially enjoyed reading about Henry's mom, and hope that
I can be just like her. I am 53 now and it is very interesting to
see how many older people can be very active and useful and how
others let themselves wither away when they can, in fact, help themselves
and lead a productive, independent life.
I do believe the longer you are on this earth, the more experience and
insight you have. I am grateful to Henry for sharing his stories with us!!!

This book was very refreshing in it's depiction of people of varied ages, many of them now old. There are no magic clues to the secrets of life in it; but it does show the thread of humanness that starts in youth and stays with a person through all phases of life. It was easier to recognize the person that was highlighted as someone I could relate my experiences to-without the separation of looking at them through the wrinkles or infirmities. I liked it so much I bought a copy to lend out to friends of all ages who could use a broader perspective to their current situation.