How to Love [Hardcover]

M.D. Gordon Livingston M.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 26, 2009

Dr. Gordon Livingston’s books have resonated with readers as universally and deeply as earlier books by M. Scott Peck, Rollo May, and Erich Fromm. Now, Gordon Livingston—a physician of the human heart, a philosopher of human psychology—offers an urgently needed meditation on who best (and who best not) to love—and how best to love. Dr. Livingston’s primary focus in this new book is on helping us to recognize in ourselves and in others constellations of character traits and what those traits imply both with regard to compatibility and future conduct. As in his previous books, here are Dr. Livingston’s trademark gifts—an unerring sense of what is important, and what Elizabeth Edwards has characterized as “his unapologetic directness and his embracing compassion”—again deployed to provide readers everywhere with a much-needed alternative to the trial-and-error learning that makes wisdom such an expensive commodity.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Baltimore Sun, 5/31/09
“Livingston writes clearly, knowledgeably and with a wry humor as he discusses personality types to avoid (narcissists are No.1), virtues to look for and to inculcate in ourselves (flexibility ranks high) and ways to improve relationships (try reciprocal kindness)…A must-read.”

Boston Globe,, 6/7/09
“As gracefully written as Erich Fromm’s classic The Art of Loving, How to Love recognizes the things in love that last, and may alter the way you look at others and yourself.”

About the Author

Gordon Livingston, MD, is a psychiatrist and writer whose three previous books—Only Spring; Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart; and And Never Stop Dancing—have been published in more than 22 countries. He lives and works in Columbia, Maryland.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books (May 26, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738212806
• ISBN-13: 978-0738212807
• Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #383,525 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Dr.Livingston Gets It !, June 20, 2009

By 

The Rog "The Rog" (Columbia,Maryland) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: How to Love (Hardcover)

As a writer, Dr. Gordon Livingston has that rare gift of taking a complex subject and explaining it to the reader in a way that is easy to understand. Gordon makes you examine the topic from what is good for you and what you need to avoid when entering a relationship based on love. His gentle but confronting style forces you to pause and think about your good, bad and ugly relationships. Love is not easy to find or accept but Dr. Livingston gives you an opportunity to explore for yourself how you could have a healthy loving relation. This book should be read by men and women who desire to love and be loved."How to Love" is a treasure that you need to read and share with your friends and loved ones.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finding The Right Life Partner & Avoiding The Wrong Ones, July 6, 2009

By 

Lawrence J. Danks (Barrington,NJ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Love (Hardcover)

How to Love

"How To Love" could just as easily have been titled: "Finding The Right Person To Share Your Life With and Avoiding Those Who Can Cause You A Lot of Unhappiness and Pain." Dr. Livingston,a medical doctor and practicing psychiatrist,uses his many years of experience and counseling to teach us how to dramatically increase our odds of finding the right life partner by identifying dangerous behaviors we should be on the lookout for,then pointing out the many essential virtues we should seek.

His short essays on various topics clearly indicate a professional who has had the benefit of hearing many sad stories and sharing that experience to help keep the reader from becoming yet another statistic. Some of the book's headings include:
*The most dangerous food to eat is wedding cake (not that being married is a problem, but sharing a relationship with the wrong person is)
*The trouble with parents is that by the time they are experienced they are unemployed
*If it weren't for marriage,men and women would have to fight with total strangers
It's hard not to like a guy like this.

Two sections really stuck out for me. One was: "No hell is private". It deals realistically with the problems people face when having to deal with drug abuse and how we can become conflicted by wanting to help,yet not losing ourselves in the process.

Another was Dr. Livingston's section on the virtue of kindness. I wrote a book about kindness being a principal road to happiness("Your Unfinished Life").His section on kindness is the best I've read - and I've read many. How would you like to be in love like this:
" In the presence of one disposed to kindness you will notice an absence of guile,an ability to listen,and a disinclination to compete. If you can reciprocate,you will experience a growing feeling of safety and trust. You may find yourself disclosing things about yourself that you previously have been at pains to conceal: fears and vulnerabilities. The need for protection drops away, as does the requirement to be something other than you are. You experience, paradoxically, a growing satisfaction with yourself combined with a desire to be a better person. You feel that a great burden has been lifted from you. You are,at last, good enough. In fact,the image of yourself that you see reflected in your loved one's eyes may be nearly perfect. You would like this moment to last forever. Imagine that."

Dr. Livingston's book is at once a potential lifesaver and a life maximizer, all thoughtfully and eloquently expressed. It would be hard for any reader not to find the Doctor's words speaking directly to many of her or his own life situations, accompanied by wise and experience-based counsel about the best directions to move our lives in next.

11 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Nice, but should have another title that fits its contents, October 13, 2010

By 

Genius - See all my reviews

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This review is from: How to Love (Hardcover)

How To Love has its Pros& Cons as follows:

Pros:
(1)Provokes questions that challenges one to think about those you relate to and yourself
(2)Can be humorous @ times
(3)Helps one to face the truth about a number of reasons why an individual may make decisions pertaining to relationships(whether good or bad)

Cons:
(1)Can be very opinionated at times "The important component of true foolishness is a contempt or lack of understanding for the scientific method as a means of explicating the world, combined with a belief in miracles that is simply an exercise of faith"pp.57
(2)If you believe in God beware of the attack on faith
(3)Can leave you with more questions that answers

This book is more of what pitfalls & people to avoid with less of an emphasis on 'How to Love'- maybe it should be re-titled "How to Avoid Getting Your Heart Broken Esp. by Mal-Adjusted Personalities"