Customer Reviews

How to Love

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

As a writer, Dr. Gordon Livingston has that rare gift of taking a complex subject and explaining it to the reader in a way that is easy to understand. Gordon makes you examine the topic from what is good for you and what you need to avoid when entering a relationship based on love. His gentle but confronting style forces you to pause and think about your good, bad and ugly relationships. Love is not easy to find or accept but Dr. Livingston gives you an opportunity to explore for yourself how you could have a healthy loving relation. This book should be read by men and women who desire to love and be loved."How to Love" is a treasure that you need to read and share with your friends and loved ones.

How to Love

"How To Love" could just as easily have been titled: "Finding The Right Person To Share Your Life With and Avoiding Those Who Can Cause You A Lot of Unhappiness and Pain." Dr. Livingston,a medical doctor and practicing psychiatrist,uses his many years of experience and counseling to teach us how to dramatically increase our odds of finding the right life partner by identifying dangerous behaviors we should be on the lookout for,then pointing out the many essential virtues we should seek.

His short essays on various topics clearly indicate a professional who has had the benefit of hearing many sad stories and sharing that experience to help keep the reader from becoming yet another statistic. Some of the book's headings include:
*The most dangerous food to eat is wedding cake (not that being married is a problem, but sharing a relationship with the wrong person is)
*The trouble with parents is that by the time they are experienced they are unemployed
*If it weren't for marriage,men and women would have to fight with total strangers
It's hard not to like a guy like this.

Two sections really stuck out for me. One was: "No hell is private". It deals realistically with the problems people face when having to deal with drug abuse and how we can become conflicted by wanting to help,yet not losing ourselves in the process.

Another was Dr. Livingston's section on the virtue of kindness. I wrote a book about kindness being a principal road to happiness("Your Unfinished Life").His section on kindness is the best I've read - and I've read many. How would you like to be in love like this:
" In the presence of one disposed to kindness you will notice an absence of guile,an ability to listen,and a disinclination to compete. If you can reciprocate,you will experience a growing feeling of safety and trust. You may find yourself disclosing things about yourself that you previously have been at pains to conceal: fears and vulnerabilities. The need for protection drops away, as does the requirement to be something other than you are. You experience, paradoxically, a growing satisfaction with yourself combined with a desire to be a better person. You feel that a great burden has been lifted from you. You are,at last, good enough. In fact,the image of yourself that you see reflected in your loved one's eyes may be nearly perfect. You would like this moment to last forever. Imagine that."

Dr. Livingston's book is at once a potential lifesaver and a life maximizer, all thoughtfully and eloquently expressed. It would be hard for any reader not to find the Doctor's words speaking directly to many of her or his own life situations, accompanied by wise and experience-based counsel about the best directions to move our lives in next.

How To Love has its Pros& Cons as follows:

Pros:
(1)Provokes questions that challenges one to think about those you relate to and yourself
(2)Can be humorous @ times
(3)Helps one to face the truth about a number of reasons why an individual may make decisions pertaining to relationships(whether good or bad)

Cons:
(1)Can be very opinionated at times "The important component of true foolishness is a contempt or lack of understanding for the scientific method as a means of explicating the world, combined with a belief in miracles that is simply an exercise of faith"pp.57
(2)If you believe in God beware of the attack on faith
(3)Can leave you with more questions that answers

This book is more of what pitfalls & people to avoid with less of an emphasis on 'How to Love'- maybe it should be re-titled "How to Avoid Getting Your Heart Broken Esp. by Mal-Adjusted Personalities"

I have purchased this book for all my friends, especially those who have young adult children. If these young adults read this book, and really take the time to get it, they will save themselves trouble later. This book is a must for everyone who is looking for that meaningful and lasting relationship. In this book you will recognize most everyone you know (their personality traits); the people to steer clear of (they may seem great at the time, but you will be in for heartache if you hook up with them). It answers lots of questions about yourself, people you know and past relationships (and family too). I highly recommend this book. I especially like the way Dr. Livingston writes.

To see Dr. Livingston's chapters on who not to love (e.g., the hierarchy of the self-involved--from histrionic to narcissist to borderline to sociopath) is to step out of the prison and into dawn's meadow. And even though my mind wonders "histrionic"?!--didn't that verbiage die with Freud? And "they're mostly women?!," . . . despite this, I still have to admit, I'm passing this book on to my friend and therapist, as it's been beyond helpful to me and every woman and man I know. So much the good doctor states as fact, is rather his perception of the world. Nevertheless, despite his own depressive, having-given-upness, interspersed with sardonic political, global observations; as one man's particular treatise, this book is a delicious page turner.

Without giving away what is in the book, I want to say this book opened my eyes!! I initially bought the book thinking it was about improving your love life. Instead, it was about life in general, which was even better! I had no idea how I was sabotaging myself through my relationships I had, even with family. You will want to read this twice, back to back....it's so GOOD!! I will keep this as a reference book, and will NEVER give it away!

This is the first time I buy something on the Internet... Amazon.com has given me the security that my book will arrive on time... Now I can't wait to start reading it since I love Dr. Livingston's books... Probably my next book will be Only Spring... Thanks Amazon for helping me get this item so easily and safe...

The formula for this genre is always the same: recognize your parent's errors, address their effects on your behavior, become a wonderful person, marry a wonderful person, and rear wonderful children.
Dr. Livingston's book warns those who are looking for love to avoid people who exhibit personality disorders. Full-blown PDs are rare, however.
My experience is that nearly everyone has a touch of something, usually in only one or two realms of their lives, or exhibited only for particular people- someone might be a swell guy, but has insurmountable anxieties concerning sex. Someone else may be everything you ever wanted, but she exhibits near-borderline behavior when her partner wants to discuss money. Yet another may be a fantastic father, but at work he's passive- aggressive.
To instruct those seeking love that they should avoid anyone who is anxious, depressive, controlling, deceptive, moody, touchy, self-centered, etc..., (and that they must not exhibit these all-too-human traits themselves) is simplistic. The book is sweet and nicely written and it's always fun to read about "those" people, but it only made me wistful that my mate and I are far from perfect.

I really enjoyed reading this book as it pointed out several characteristics to look out for not only in others but in yourself as well. The book ends with points that one should look for in themselves and others which will enable you to better love and become that person in which you seek.

I have already suggested this book to several people and will continue to do so.

This book is a must read for anyone, but for me it was particularly useful in building my discernment for whom I would like to bring into my life as a future life partner. Having the knowledge described in this book is excellent and is important to pass on to our children as they acquire friendships and future relationships leading to marriage in their lives.