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How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work Paperback – May 10, 2005


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How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work + The EROS Equation: A “Soul-ution” for Relationships
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Editorial Reviews

Review


"...In How to Love Your Marriage, Hogan describes proactive steps we can take to create the marriage we desire—a marriage that can be “a mutually supportive classroom, playground, and safe sanctuary.” “Marriages provide the perfect arena for us to learn, love, laugh, and serve,” Hogan says, explaining that, in fact, relationships are the only place we can get such valuable feedback on how we present ourselves to the world.

According to Hogan, most of us have approached our relationships from an ego standpoint, bringing out needy and judgmental qualities which overshadow who we really are. “When there is a difference (gap) between who you really are at your core (your soul) and how you are showing up (your ego), your self-esteem suffers—and so do your relationships,” she says.

Fortunately, those barriers to positive self-esteem can be removed, and Hogan’s message is: it’s up to you to make those changes. She applies the EROS equation: “Event + Response = Outcome and Solutions,” a formula that shows your power lies not in trying to change events, but rather in changing your responses to those events.

To help you do that, the book features “Love Tips,” exercises, factoids, assessment tools and other practical ways to apply Hogan’s wisdom. There are also matter-of-fact chapters like “What to Do When the Grass is Greener Over There,” and “How to Be Your Own Relationship Advisor.”

And of course, you won’t want to skip the enticing excerpts from her “With Aloha” column: “Dear Eve, I am about to return to a relationship with a man I am married to but have lived away from for the last five years…”; “Dear Eve, Every aspect of our relationship is great, except I have overpowering feelings of jealousy that are hard to control…”; “Dear Eve, I really want to have a relationship with somebody, but I am insecure about my body… Is there love out there for me, or will I have to wait until I’m perfect?”

Find out the answers—and a whole lot more—in How to Love Your Marriage.

5 out of 5 Shakas — Sky Barnhart, Maui Weekly.com, Bookshelf
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Hunter House (May 10, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0897934571
  • ISBN-13: 978-0897934572
  • Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.6 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #419,974 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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See all 10 customer reviews
If you work through this book, it will change you.
James John Hollandsworth, M.D.
Regardless of where you are in your marriage or before you tie the knot, this book is a must.
Cindy A. Campbell
I recommend this for any one or couple that wants to heal a broken relationship.
Songbird

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By James John Hollandsworth, M.D. VINE VOICE on December 12, 2007
Format: Paperback
I've read plenty of books that do an excellent job of describing the ideal marriage, with lots of lists of how the husband and wife are supposed to feel and act. I've written and taught on the subject myself.

Those perfect pictures and detailed lists work fine if your marriage is cruising along smoothly.

But what good is knowing your spouse is supposed to be your #1 priority if your heart hates them?

And what good is knowing you should have a "weekly date night" if they won't speak to you kindly for five minutes?

For a marriage on the rocks, what matters is not whether we know what the marriage should be (we usually do). The core question instead becomes how do we deal with a hurting heart caused by someone we once thought could do no wrong?

That is the question that counselor Eve Hogan herself faced five years into her own marriage. She's been there, wondering if a marriage that started with two wonderful people with wonderful plans had any future at all.

How to Love Your Marriage is a book on how to actually turn yourself and your marriage around, regardless of the details of the situation and regardless of whether your partner is interested in change.

How? It focuses on the heart and personal responsibility. She carefully progresses from basic principles of our response to all relationships, to self-evaluation of our values and how we respond to hurt, to steps to change our attitude and experience of marriage, to embracing change and managing emotions and communication, to romance, the role of children and finally seeing marriage as a spiritual journey. The book is a balanced mixture of didactic teaching, do-it-yourself exercises, anecdotes, and practical tips.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By L M Bell on December 13, 2007
Format: Paperback
HOW TO LOVE YOUR MARRIAGE: MAKING YOUR CLOSEST RELATIONSHIP WORK
by Eve Eschner Hogan

I have to admit neither the cover nor the title would normally draw me to pick this book up off the shelf, however, given the assignment to review, I found the content was well worth the read. Although the book is intended primarily for marriage relationships much of the advice could be equally applied to other relationships and in fact a short section at the end of the book does speak to other family relationships. Hogan's EROS equation is a particularly useful tool: Event + Response = Outcome + Solution. She demonstrates repeatedly how our Response to Events are ours to control and that this is more important than the Event in determining our resulting emotions. She also gives a very clear perspective of how our Egos get in the way of building happy relationships with our desire to control or gain approval. A considerable portion of the book deals with building self-esteem as well as spiritual growth, tying both back to loving marriages. Multiple exercises are included throughout the book to give the reader practice in applying her advice. Perhaps one of the most useful recommendations considering our disposable society is the idea to try resolving marriage problems with the premise that divorce is not an option. A bibliography with online resources and an index are found at the end of the book; also the author does maintain a website at [...]
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Cindy A. Campbell on August 29, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Regardless of where you are in your marriage or before you tie the knot, this book is a must. Ms. Hogan's philosophies and guidance are backed up by real examples. It is a guidance book that is fun to read as well.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Lisa Dilles on July 14, 2006
Format: Paperback
I was looking at this book in the bookstore- oh great, motivational speaker from Hawaii, I'm sure this is really DEEP(not)- but what can I say? it began pulling me in with real heartfelt observations that rang true. I almost didn't want to like it because it seemed like it must be lightweight and therefore fluff- but it is ringing lots of bells for me. Useful vantage points for being honest, relaxing, and valuing what you have--I guess I recommend it! could have skipped the dear-abby letter sequences but they weren't too obnoxious. so far so good (1/3 way through)
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Songbird on January 13, 2009
Format: Paperback
I agree with others. This is a REALLY good and useful book. It is helping me get through a very difficult time in my marriage. The tools are helpful, understandable and right on. I recommend this for any one or couple that wants to heal a broken relationship. Divorce is not always the best option - especially when you're both decent good people.
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