112 of 133 people found the following review helpful
on October 12, 2002
When I first read this book, I was like "Wow!" And you will probably say the same thing because it uses science and psychology to back its claims. But I tried these techniques at happy hours and mix-n-mingles and singles bars, and still...no luck. I think in real life, girls are smarter than to fall for these tricks. Maybe I give them too much credit or maybe I shouldn't give myself any credit, but either way, I tried these techniques and they didn't work. The other thing you should know is some of these techniques are very manipulative. For instance, there is a chapter on how to act and talk like the rich in order to get the rich. That is so phoney and you wonder why the world is so fake - it's because of books like this one. Save your money, and just be yourself (which this book doesn't preach). Maybe I'm not a ladies man and maybe I'm no "relationships" expert, but I do know this, and that is, you will feel much better if someone loves you for who you are, not someone you pretend to be.
66 of 78 people found the following review helpful
on August 24, 2004
I had read a few books about courtship or heterogenous love, but not one solely on making love or having sex. I dont mean this book belongs to the later group. However, on top of the useful but common techniques (separate for hunter and hunteress), the last few chapters devoted to making love and having sex really makes it outstanding above the rest. The table which the author used to tell the contrast (and thus differences on what men and women think about good sex) between female porn and male porn is hilarious but true (to the detriment of my self esteem). However, the most important message for me rests on the author's suggestion to read romance novels published by Harlequin. The few pages 247-251 (that 5 pages worth the price of the whole book) of a partial story the author used to elaborate (in a choregraphy format) the perfect setup to turn on a woman and drive her crazy really brought me to a level far beyond my previous reach. I tried it the day after I completed this book and the effect was so amazing.
In short, a must read. I am sure that this book will open a new horizon for many "common male" like me.
p.s. In order to avoid any bad impression that I or the book is sheerly sex related, below please find some of my favorite techniques mentioned in the book.
No. 33 Employ Empathizers: Dust your discussion with phrases like "I see what you mean." "Yes, you were right." "I can related to that," and the all time favorite, "I understand."
No. 59 "How do you feel about that?": Whatever she is discussing, simply ask that. Go ahead, force yourself.
No. 65 "Tell me about it.": Beg her to tell you about it. Then listen - like a woman listens. It makes you a more loving man in your Quarry's eyes.
43 of 50 people found the following review helpful
on July 4, 2002
I've read this book, in addition to about three other books about relationships. I've tried the tactics in this book, but they do not work very well. . .especially since I am a woman. Women, i highly recommend that you do not read this book unless you want to know "how to love someone the right way". For men, this book is a great source that teaches you from step one to step marraige.
True, it has many insights and scientific data to prove its points (and i believe in them), However, for a woman, this book is telling her "to sell herself" to the man she desires. I recommend that you read "The Rules" (if you're a woman), because those tactics, though manipulative, really works.
I gave this book a four star because of the many surveys and results it gave. . .such as "a man is more likely to commit suicide after a broken heart than a woman", and things like "couples who undergo through a scary experience with each other tend to develop positive feelings for the other, and more strongly" (therefore when you plan a date, do something scary, or at the very least, exciting).
This book is a great book for those of you (even women) who are already in a stable relationship. It teaches you how to love a man, such as "bite your lips if you have to, but never ask him to ask for directions while driving", or "give killer compliments". But these will only help you if someone is already in love with you. In your teen or earlier years, i suggest "The Rules".
Last words, this book is worth the money, because it is extremely informative in its scientific data about men versus women feelings and behaviors, and its many collected surveys. But if you're a woman looking for a healthy love relationship, read "The Rules".
225 of 278 people found the following review helpful
on January 18, 1999
This is a well written book. No doubt about that. But I doubt if this is the right book for anyone looking for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. The book emphasizes on the difference between the way men and women think, and advises the reader to play mind games. Although her claims are supported by scientific facts, one has to be aware that most of the technics she suggested are only useful to create temporary intimacy. Any lasting and trusting relationship is based on mutual understanding and support of each other. It's who you really are that eventually wins the love and trust of your partner. If one has to put on performance to get love, then that love won't last, trust me. One day, you'll be sicken tired of all this. So many people around us have found love by being who they are, why can't you? Ask your parents how they learnt to love and trust each other.
If you are young and just look to mess around, then this book might help. But if you want to find lifelong love, you should look somewhere else. I'm curious how many readers have found lasting loving relationship with the help of this book.
If you set out to play games, you can only lose. If this book doesn't help you develop healthy and positive attitude towards the opposite sex, then what would you expect to get from the opposite sex in the end ?
In that regard, I strongly recommend the book "10 foolish dating mistakes that men & women commit: And how to avoid them" by Lila Gruzen and Rebecca Sperber. That's the kind of book that deals with the essence of dating relationships. It's about how to better understand each other, not how to fool each other.
Stop buying into the "Men vs. Women" syndrome. Instead, look into your own dating habits and attitudes that sometimes ruin a potential relationship. Learn to develop a self-assured and supportive personality.
In the end, we all want to love and be loved, we don't want to fool and be fooled.
23 of 26 people found the following review helpful
on November 26, 2005
I was a bit skeptical at first, I will admit, but if you try what she says and actually read the other person with the body language queues she mentions, this book is almost like unlocking your hidden potential. So far, it has a success rate of 100% (yes with more than one person) and what you read can also work outside the romantic field (it makes you appear more confident that what you really may be). In short, I would recommend this book to anybody that wishes to gain a love partner and don't want to fail.
33 of 39 people found the following review helpful
on November 26, 2004
The book is loaded with practical techniques, with numerous examples both from real life and from scientific experiments. The bottom line is - the techniques work.
Even though the book is geared toward making people fall in love - the bottom line is that it is about establishing rapport with people you'd like to have around, so many of the techniques can be used by anyone in daily life to establish and maintain harmonious relationships. After all, letting know someone that you appreciate them and letting them know what you genuinely like about them, will help in any relationship - amorous or professional.
There are degrees of bonding you may want to have with different people and it's up to you how deep a bond you desire to develop with someone. It is also useful to know what we do that gets people hooked and attached, so that we don't do it with people we don't want to chase us. Sometimes people unconsciously do the "right" thing with those they don't want, and the "wrong" thing with those they do want - so it's good to be conscious of the effects of one's behavior and influence upon others.
An entire section of this book deals with - oh, I prefer to call it "a balance of energy exange" rather than what seems to be a popular phrase, "one's market value". It is an important issue, not just for attracting someone into your life, but also for maintaining harmonious relationship on a long-term basis - again whether the relationship is amorous or professional. The successful long-term relationships are based on mutual contribution to the relationship - the qualities and "assets" each person brings into a relationship may be different, but they will have to balance out in some way.
The book does have some lovely techniques for developing deep level or rapport and intimacy fast, by using one's verbal and non-verbal language to shift gears from "I" and "you" into "we".
The material covered in this book is not all-encompassing, though. You can learn much more from the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
26 of 30 people found the following review helpful
on August 22, 2003
Many well-educated experts can't get their information across to the average person, because their writing style is more effective as a sleeping pill than a self-help manual. Leil Lowndes does the seemingly impossible in this book-she intertwines behavioral studies in a fun-to-read book. Nodding off is never an option, as she takes you on the exciting journey of capturing your quarry. And unlike some "experts" who only deal from their own personal experience, Ms. Lowndes constantly cites unbiased studies to back her claims.
As an author and an avid reader, I love her use of language. "Hunters and Huntresses pursuing pedigreed prey should move differently from those stalking a wild cat. The polo-and-port set has a very different body language from the bowling-and-beer crowd." Her ability to paint a vivid picture and her use of alliteration makes her as much an expert with the English language as she is with relationships. As a dating expert myself, I am giving her the highest compliment when I say that hers is the best dating book on the market (aside from mine, of course!).
Bottom Line-don't be single without it!
18 of 20 people found the following review helpful
on March 11, 2010
I bought this book on the recommendation of a male acquaintance, not so much to put it into practice as out of curiousity... He had described his extremely manipulative dating practices to me and then recommended the book, so I was curious as to the exact techniques... especially since I felt he was using some of them on me.
I went in with an open mind. And a highliter. At first, the book was full of common sense advice. Make lots of eye contact. How do you expect to meet someone special dressed like THAT. Things I already knew.
But as the book went on, the advice became increasingly specific and increasingly ugly. Fake shared interests. Fake shared values. Basically, fake who you are so that you look like you are enough like him so that he will fall in love with you but just different enough to keep it interesting. I repeat, fake who you are.
Why would you want anyone to fall in love with you when you aren't being you? Could you imagine finding this book on your new lover's shelf and realizing that these techniques had been used on you, that the person you thought you were with was nothing like the person you were actually with? If I made that discovery, I couldn't run far enough fast enough.
Years ago I read Margaret Kent's How to Marry the Man of Your Choice, which I loved. I can recommend that book. It had specific grooming tips. It had specific positive recommendations like "say hello to every man you meet who you are reasonably certain is not a convicted felon". It had advice about how to get a conversation started and keep it going, how to make it easier to run into an interesting man again. But that book's advice just gave a few positive pointers and helped you to put your best foot forward. You were still you! I recommend that book as an alternative to this one. How to Marry the Man of Your Choice
38 of 46 people found the following review helpful
on March 3, 2003
There's a wealth of good plain sense in this book, a rare quality that has a lot of people screaming in anger and giving it one-star reviews. The techniques described will dramatically increase your chances of attracting a mate, and some of them are downright essential. (Those are the ones that successful lovers dismiss as 'elementary' or 'simplistic'. Not everybody knows these things!)
Is it manipulative? You can use it that way. But there's nothing manipulative about showing someone that you find them attractive, or trying to display your best qualities -- not the ones you like, but the ones they'll be most interested in. You do the same at a job interview, and finding a life partner is a far more important and serious business than finding a job. The fact is that people are not born with the knowledge of how to start up a romantic relationship, and not all of us were the high-school jocks and prom queens who had all the chances to learn it early in life.
Let's be clear about this. Leil Lowndes' techniques ARE manipulative, but it's not your intended lover who's being manipulated . . . it's your own mind, and how you project your emotions. If you are attracted to someone but fear rejection, they will pick up on the fear but not the attraction. It takes skill and know-how to present yourself so that the attraction shows and the fear is muted. Movie directors know the maxim, 'Don't cast one to play one.' Leading men and leading ladies in romantic movies don't necessarily have the hots for one another . . . but they know how to act so that the audience will be convinced. To succeed at romance, you have to do what will convince your audience. The techniques in this book will be an important part of your repertoire.
66 of 82 people found the following review helpful
on May 8, 1999
This is an excellent book. It gives the scientific basis behind love and relationships in a very convincing format. I would recommend this book to anyone, especially someone who wants to have a clearly explained "path" or method to social interaction with the opposite sex. I feel far more confident having read this book because all of the information is supported by studies and science and it falls in line with other information I have read regarding relationships. I suggest first reading "How to Flirt with Anyone, Anyplace, Anytime" (I think that's the exact title) first, because it sets the basics for flirting. This book then goes into detail about why those things work and also gives more information regarding those and new techniques. This seems to be the "universal" book for relationshipss and meeting people if you want a scientific, detailed method to try. I think the outlined "steps" or "tips" in this book give the reader confidence and they also help those of us who are very shy to take a chance based on some scientific facts and clearly defined methods for meeting people.