68 of 78 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Not what it claims--how to REALLY do it, December 31, 2006
As a person who loves the dating/relationship genre, let me assure you that there are MUCH better books out there. This book repackages the techniques usually recommended to salesmen--mirroring the other person in order to build rapport, and "speaking in their language." And that's exactly what you'll be doing--selling a falsified version of yourself in a marginally effective and pretty awkward way. (In spite of her exuberantly triumphant intro, Tracy Cabot is now divorced. I imagine it was hard to sustain this manufactured "bond" for very long.)
If you really want to learn about love languages, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is much better. It will teach you how to truly interpret and sincerely relate to expressions of love between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. And if you want to make a man fall in love with you, "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov is hands-down the best. It takes the also-fabulous prinicples behind "The Rules" (which have worked for me beautifully) and makes them practicable for the modern and/or professional woman. (I highly recommend The Rules--loosely interpreted--as well). You can read any of these books in 2-3 hours. I have read the latter two more times than I can count.
If after reading Why Men Love Bitches and The Rules, you haven't solved your dating problems, you probably need to read "He's Just Not That Into You"--which is not about dating as much as it is about recognizing the excuses women make for men when the truth isn't what we want. (Gems include "No, he's not too busy to call you. Calling you takes less time than going to the bathroom. If he's into you, calling you is the bright moment in his otherwise busy day.") This should definitely help build the correct mentality for expecting--and getting--both interest and great treatment from men.
And, finally, "What Southern Women Know About Flirting" has some tips and ideas that will help anyone, but particularly those inclined to play the "Damsel in Distress" card. This one's just the icing on the cake.
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205 of 248 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Very Interesting, But Does It Work For Most Women?, January 8, 2003
As a former trainer in NLP for 7 years I've always been impressed with how effective these techniques are for creating internal change (habits, behaviors, disciplines, overcoming fears, sales, etc.)
But the ability to create change in other people (like getting a man to fall in love with you) is something that I believe from my experience in the field almost no one can achieve on their own with NLP.
I wrote my fishy relationship/self-help book because I saw how different the real works as opposed to the NLP-seminar-John Gray-Tony Robbins models. That experience came from dating in Southern California and going on a lot of cruises and Club Med vacations.
What I found is that people who try to use NLP techniques come across as being weird. It also has a strange way of messing with the natural karma of love. For whatever reason, when you try to get someone else to fall in love with you through an organized skill set like this, it has a way of ruining the magic for yourself.
What is important to know from Tracy's book are the general concepts of sensory acuity and anchoring. Sensory acuity comes in handy when you recognize when you get an instant negative reaction (like bad breath, body odor, unappealing voice, talk too fast, talk too loud, talk too slow, talk too much). These things cause a person to be out of rapport. Which means an unconscious bad first impression.
Anchoring has to do with creating stirring memories or special moments. This book is about the mechanics of creating those moments which is all right, but the average person needs to feel it come naturally from within.
If a woman really wants to know how to get a man to fall in love, she must first maximize her own feminine allure (Being a Woman by Dr. Toni Grant) and then make her contacts and develop relationships. Dr. Cabot's work will help you with identifying technical mistakes, but not some much about having more to give (variety, intensity, heart), cleansing the spirit, and understanding and appreciating a love partner.
As an author, NLP trainer, and semi-relationship expert, I think that this book addresses the 20% of mechanics when it's done right (a very difficult task without years of training and integration...not just in a simple reading of a book!) But what most people really need is the 80% of how loving relationships work from within on the emotional-spiritual world.
My advice here is to enjoy this book and become more aware of instant triggers, but don't get carried away and become a weirdo!
Weirdness spooks men away quickly!
Remember that love is far more spiritual than mechanical.
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177 of 215 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
bad, bad advice..., April 16, 2004
I read this book and "landed" my ex-husband by doing the "mirroring" technique.The result was I pretended to be someone I wasn't and compromised far too much for an abusive, scary man. I'm no psychiatrist but you shouldn't have to "make" or "trick" someone into loving you...it nullifies the entire point of finding love to begin with. Love yourself first and find someone kind, thoughtful, considerate who loves you for yourself. You don't need this crap-ola book. It nearly ruined my life.
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