Customer Reviews: How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You: The Fail-Proof, Fool-Proof Method
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on December 31, 2006
As a person who loves the dating/relationship genre, let me assure you that there are MUCH better books out there. This book repackages the techniques usually recommended to salesmen--mirroring the other person in order to build rapport, and "speaking in their language." And that's exactly what you'll be doing--selling a falsified version of yourself in a marginally effective and pretty awkward way. (In spite of her exuberantly triumphant intro, Tracy Cabot is now divorced. I imagine it was hard to sustain this manufactured "bond" for very long.)

If you really want to learn about love languages, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is much better. It will teach you how to truly interpret and sincerely relate to expressions of love between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. And if you want to make a man fall in love with you, "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov is hands-down the best. It takes the also-fabulous prinicples behind "The Rules" (which have worked for me beautifully) and makes them practicable for the modern and/or professional woman. (I highly recommend The Rules--loosely interpreted--as well). You can read any of these books in 2-3 hours. I have read the latter two more times than I can count.

If after reading Why Men Love Bitches and The Rules, you haven't solved your dating problems, you probably need to read "He's Just Not That Into You"--which is not about dating as much as it is about recognizing the excuses women make for men when the truth isn't what we want. (Gems include "No, he's not too busy to call you. Calling you takes less time than going to the bathroom. If he's into you, calling you is the bright moment in his otherwise busy day.") This should definitely help build the correct mentality for expecting--and getting--both interest and great treatment from men.

And, finally, "What Southern Women Know About Flirting" has some tips and ideas that will help anyone, but particularly those inclined to play the "Damsel in Distress" card. This one's just the icing on the cake.
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As a former trainer in NLP for 7 years I've always been impressed with how effective these techniques are for creating internal change (habits, behaviors, disciplines, overcoming fears, sales, etc.)
But the ability to create change in other people (like getting a man to fall in love with you) is something that I believe from my experience in the field almost no one can achieve on their own with NLP.
I wrote my fishy relationship/self-help book because I saw how different the real works as opposed to the NLP-seminar-John Gray-Tony Robbins models. That experience came from dating in Southern California and going on a lot of cruises and Club Med vacations.
What I found is that people who try to use NLP techniques come across as being weird. It also has a strange way of messing with the natural karma of love. For whatever reason, when you try to get someone else to fall in love with you through an organized skill set like this, it has a way of ruining the magic for yourself.
What is important to know from Tracy's book are the general concepts of sensory acuity and anchoring. Sensory acuity comes in handy when you recognize when you get an instant negative reaction (like bad breath, body odor, unappealing voice, talk too fast, talk too loud, talk too slow, talk too much). These things cause a person to be out of rapport. Which means an unconscious bad first impression.
Anchoring has to do with creating stirring memories or special moments. This book is about the mechanics of creating those moments which is all right, but the average person needs to feel it come naturally from within.
If a woman really wants to know how to get a man to fall in love, she must first maximize her own feminine allure (Being a Woman by Dr. Toni Grant) and then make her contacts and develop relationships. Dr. Cabot's work will help you with identifying technical mistakes, but not some much about having more to give (variety, intensity, heart), cleansing the spirit, and understanding and appreciating a love partner.
As an author, NLP trainer, and semi-relationship expert, I think that this book addresses the 20% of mechanics when it's done right (a very difficult task without years of training and integration...not just in a simple reading of a book!) But what most people really need is the 80% of how loving relationships work from within on the emotional-spiritual world.
My advice here is to enjoy this book and become more aware of instant triggers, but don't get carried away and become a weirdo!
Weirdness spooks men away quickly!
Remember that love is far more spiritual than mechanical.
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on March 26, 2004
Between this book and David Gibbons' "Love Signals" you have a very powerful arsenault. After years of dating, I read these two books and began to use the suggestions at work and play. I did better at work and I managed to find a great guy who I have now been married to for over 18 years. The book suggests that you try to determine what "language" the prospective "husband" uses in his life to communicate. Is he audial? Responds to sounds. Visual? Tends to learn by viewing, or is able to think spatially like an architect or engineer? Or is he a touchy, feely guy who learns through feelings and touching or manipulating things like a mechanic. Once you identify this, the book teaches you how to communicate in his language style. In addition, it teaches you how to act in a relationship similar to "The Rules" only this book predated "The Rules" and has more concrete information. Enjoy it, but don't use the techniques lightly, they can be highly manipulative.
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on April 16, 2004
I read this book and "landed" my ex-husband by doing the "mirroring" technique.The result was I pretended to be someone I wasn't and compromised far too much for an abusive, scary man. I'm no psychiatrist but you shouldn't have to "make" or "trick" someone into loving nullifies the entire point of finding love to begin with. Love yourself first and find someone kind, thoughtful, considerate who loves you for yourself. You don't need this crap-ola book. It nearly ruined my life.
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Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP for short) is very powerful if done correctly. This book focuses on how you can "program his brain" during your courting period to help move "love" along. Tracy does a very good job of describing how it works. If you don't know what an "anchor" is a relationship, this is a good place to start.
It's important to remember that the subject of dating/courtship/relationships is the size of North America, and learning NLP is only enough information to fill up the state of Florida. If you rely ONLY on NLP, you're missing out on the magic of a relationship. (I'm not just talking about that indefinable thing known as chemistry, but I'm talking about the deeply satisfying friendship that results from a true love relationship.)
There are a lot of books that you can read once, glean a few gems, and come out ahead. This isn't one of those. This is meant to be a manual that is studied, tried, tested and perfected.
As a dating expert, I understand the importance of NLP to cement a relationship. But many novice NLP'ers get frustrated when trying to apply this scientific approach to the emotional experience of dating. Remember when you first learned to ride a bicycle? Unless you were a super-athlete at 5, you probably fell off your bike a time or two. The same is true with using NLP to reel in a lover. It takes both patience and practice. But if you're serious about getting a leg-up on the competition, add this book to your library of dating books. After all, information is power!
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on August 30, 2005
This book was a very interesting way of looking at relationships. I had a hard time reading the entire book because about half way through, it suggested that I change who I am to be more like the guy I wanted to fall in love with me. I am just not willing to change myself that much, so I don't think that I was a very good candidate for the book. I had a difficult time believing that it is morally correct to make someone fall in love with you when you are not acting completely like yourself. After reading this book you may spend more time focusing on all of its rules then actually getting to know the guy. I do think that it is an interesting read but try not to hang on its every word.
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on February 25, 2000
Because of the title I was embarassed to even buy the book but it provided a great lesson in what I had been doing wrong in relationships. I applied the lessons in the book and have been very happily married for 14 years. Like any self-help book, you have to sift through what is good for you but it really gives you some great pointers on how we communicate in life not just with a potential spouse but with everyone. Another good book I read back then was "Love Signals", I don't know if you can still get it but it was great too.
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on January 5, 2003
I read Tracy Cabot's book, How To Make a Man Fall In Love With You, years ago, when I was 15 years younger, and always looking for the "answer" to learning how to bridge the Mars vs Venus gap, though I didn't have a name for the gap back then. Like another reviewer who talks about the three modes from which we communicate and respond, which are visually, auditorially, and kinesthetically, I had studied Neuro Linguistic Programming, among other studies in an attempt to strengthen my communication skills. Fifteen years later, as an adult educator, I often recommend Tracy Cabot's book in my classes on communication, because I believe that it is a simple way to learn this marvelous technique for communicating not only between the two sexes, but between any two human beings. Where else can you find so many wonderful tips on communication in such an inexpensive, easy to read, little package? I just wish that Tracy would put together a wonderful training video on these skills.
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on December 3, 2003
The book works. It proviedes the reader with a working plan to develop an intimate relationship with a significant other. I used the plan on some unworthy "test" subjects and found them hard to get rid of. When it came time for me to use it on the man I deemed man of my dreams... it worked! I am now happily married to a great guy. Even though, this is my second marriage and I came with a bunch of kids... he loved me and wanted to have a lifelong committment with me.
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on June 25, 2000
I started reading this book with mixed feelings - after all, I had joined a singles club and in one year had not met anyone that sent my heart into flip flops. After following Tracy's advice about making a list of the qualities I wanted to find in a man, I was able to narrow down my search and within 4 months had found the man I am going to spend my life with. More importantly, I weeded out those men whose personalities did not work with mine and stopped trying to change myself just to "save the relationship". Thanks, Tracy - your book made my day!
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