As kitty gift books go, this is "the best, funniest, most inspiring" of them all, according to the Village Voice and tens of thousands of dedicated readers. Now out on the prowl with a new cover that's the cat's meow, it's ready to inspire a second wave of cats and their owners to relax into a catnap. Author and illustrator Alice M. Brock (of Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant" fame) counsels cat owners to approach the cat quietly with palms "up and open." Beginning at the rear, the masseur works all the way around the cat using a "vigorous kneading motion," then rubs, presses, twists, and tugs the cat into a state of complete relaxation. We are assured that a well-massaged cat may remain in a state of prolonged calm "for some time." Brock's instructions are accompanied by charming illustrations sure to inspire a mischievous chuckle in both friends and foes of felines everywhere.
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Book Description
Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Alice M. Brock is the former owner and chef of the world-famous Alice's Restaurant - immortalized both in Arlo Guthrie's song and the film by the same name. She makes her home in Provincetown, Massachusetts.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
By Diane
Format:Hardcover
I first got this book about 30 years ago, when I was a teenager. It made me laugh so hard then that it brought me to tears. Every few years I pull it out to share with someone and it STILL makes me cry with laughter. I'm sorry to find that some people have the opposite reaction. To me, it's hard to understand. I love my cat and know this book isn't meant seriously. It's a deliciously ridiculous 'how-to'. I will always love it.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
A quick read, and very funny, if you have the right sense of humor. There is no real cruelty to animals being portrayed in this book, and the nonplussed look of the cat through the entire thing is priceless.
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
By K. Alexander
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I found this book when I was out shopping with my mom at a novelty store. We laughed and laughed as we read it in the store. She bought it to give as a white elephant party gift, but she always regretted that the person who received it didn't seem to appreciate it as much as she did. I ordered this as a small gift for her, so she could finally have her own copy. Hilarious.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I was recently at the veterinarian with my sickly cat, and while waiting I saw this book in a pile. I opened it randomly to a page which included instructions for shaking your cat out and, of course, realized it wasn't meant to be taken seriously. I started back at the beginning, laughing to myself at the photos of a cat being stretched, kneaded like bread dough, and twisted. I'm definitely thinking of getting this as a gift for the cat lovers I know who have a good sense of humour.
If there are people out there who did not find this book funny, I can express nothing but sympathy. What a dull world you must live in.
If there are people out there who did not find this book funny, I can express nothing but sympathy. What a dull world you must live in.
13 of 18 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I was laughing so hard in the bookstore people were staring. It's obvious a cat lover wrote the book, and anybody who takes it seriously has serious problems. If you actually tried this on a cat, you'd end up with no eyes and various open wounds. This is a simple, but extremely funny book that will make you laugh until you can't breathe.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
When I first read the title (How to Massage Your Cat), I gotta tell you, I thought it was just crazy. Who is the least tense, most relaxed of the animal kingdom? Right, cats. I mean, how often have you encountered a feline friend fraught with angst. Rarely? Am I right? So, I thought the premise for this book was off base.
Wanting to be fair, however, I consulted with Lindsey and Noodles for outside opinions, and they said that they might not be averse to trying a little massage. On their recommendation, I read the book cover-to-cover to determine its efficacy.
Know what I found? It's worth little as a massage book -- I mean, tell your humans not to try this at home; they could hurt your limbs. However, it has great value for humor.
I think this book is one of those that humans give to each other just for fun. You know, it's that gift for the pet owner who has everything.
In reviewing the illustrations, drawn by the author, I realized -- or should I say I prayed -- that no one would actually massage their prized feline in such a manner. The massage appears to more closely resemble the kneading of tough dough rather than anything of therapeutic value. Here's a passage from the book that will sum this up. "...gently flip cat over onto its back and direct a volley of rapid slaps to the midriff..."
Wha...? Okay, so either this is a humorous book or the author has never had a cat. Honey, if you deliver "a volley of rapid slaps" to my midriff, you won't live to write another book.
That being said...all-in-all, the book is very cute, the drawings are wonderfully fun and the text easy to read (I mean you'll read it in 20 minutes or less).... Read more ›
Wanting to be fair, however, I consulted with Lindsey and Noodles for outside opinions, and they said that they might not be averse to trying a little massage. On their recommendation, I read the book cover-to-cover to determine its efficacy.
Know what I found? It's worth little as a massage book -- I mean, tell your humans not to try this at home; they could hurt your limbs. However, it has great value for humor.
I think this book is one of those that humans give to each other just for fun. You know, it's that gift for the pet owner who has everything.
In reviewing the illustrations, drawn by the author, I realized -- or should I say I prayed -- that no one would actually massage their prized feline in such a manner. The massage appears to more closely resemble the kneading of tough dough rather than anything of therapeutic value. Here's a passage from the book that will sum this up. "...gently flip cat over onto its back and direct a volley of rapid slaps to the midriff..."
Wha...? Okay, so either this is a humorous book or the author has never had a cat. Honey, if you deliver "a volley of rapid slaps" to my midriff, you won't live to write another book.
That being said...all-in-all, the book is very cute, the drawings are wonderfully fun and the text easy to read (I mean you'll read it in 20 minutes or less).... Read more ›
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
One of the most profound contributions to literature in the 20th century
April 12, 2010
By Dog Mom
Format:Hardcover
I recently re-read this masterpiece and it confirmed my view that a solid massage is the best way to truly relax a feline companion. One of my old faithful pets is still in a state of blissful oblivion after all of these years.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
By vegicat
Format:Hardcover
This book makes me laugh til I cry. It is strange to see that anyone could think this book is advocating animal abuse, or that the cat in the book is killed. Felinicide? Is that even a word? The blissed-out look on the cat's face should make it obvious that he's not protesting his 'massage'. As a multiple-cat owner, it makes me laugh even THINKING about how silly it is to even want to massage a cat. Or that they'd find it 'relaxing'. Or that the masseuse would not end up a shredded mess. Anyone who was disappointed because they thought they were really buying a book on how to 'massage' a cat should have been looking for a basic cat care book. Because it's pretty basic knowledge that cats DON'T like being massaged, due to their very sensitive spinal nerve system. If you didn't like this book, then don't buy any of the CATWINGS books (another of my favourites). Because you'll be disappointed to find out that cats really can't fly. Only cat lovers will love this book- animal-haters will find it boring, not abuse inspiring. Buy this book just for the pictures. They're THAT funny.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
A dream re-visited
My husband and I came across this book years ago (circa 1985?) and love it. Could hardly believe it was still available after all these years. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Jane Stancliff
1.0 out of 5 stars
Funny? No.
I bought this as a gag gift, was about to wrap it, and decided to page through it. While I expected the book to be tongue-in-cheek, I was not expecting descriptions of cruelty. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Paige E. Carpenter
5.0 out of 5 stars
Meowwww!!! A Classic!!!
I am a masssuse and cat owner.....this has to be the best combo out there for a good laugh for any one who knows cats!!! Read more
Published 23 months ago by Denise Bardovi
5.0 out of 5 stars
Tears of Laughter
I found a rather worn copy of this book in a sea front book shop in Brighton recently and my tears of laughter created an orderly queue behind me of people wondering what on Earth... Read more
Published 24 months ago by Eva
1.0 out of 5 stars
mistitled
This book should have been named "How to torture your cat. Anyone stupid enough to follow the instructions will either end up with a dead cat or taking a trip to the emergancy... Read more
Published on April 10, 2010 by Diana V. Davis
5.0 out of 5 stars
Sense of humor required
There are two important points to keep in mind about this book. One, the reader must have a sense of humor. If you don't have a sense of humor, don't buy this book! Read more
Published on October 14, 2008 by Howard S. Shubs
1.0 out of 5 stars
This book does NOT teach how to massage a cat
I like this book and it's very funny, but the title is misleading. It's a collection of tongue-in-cheek illustrations, but not only do they not teach you how to massage your cat,... Read more
Published on November 18, 2007 by Jonah Winters
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