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How Not to F*** Them Up Hardcover – June 6, 2011
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Top Customer Reviews
We are also told unquestionably that during breastfeeding “you are acutely aware of the need to move to a bottle so that other carers will be able to discharge this vital role as well as you” (p31), suggesting that anything else would be selfish. Not all breastfeeding mothers chose to combine bottle and breast; in fact, it would be wise not to.
THE MOST OFFENSIVE TO ME:
Finally in a chapter titled “The Causes of Maternal Depression” James maintains that “women who breastfeed are at greater risk of depression, since they get less sleep and producing milk is tiring” (p324). In brackets after this statement James cites three studies from the eighties to act as evidence. Firstly his contention is false. In reality, the opposite is true, breastfeeding mothers get more sleep and their sleep is of higher quality; not to mention the act of nursing releases calming hormones which counteract depressive symptoms. Secondly, his use of outdated studies to bolster his view is out of sync with the rest of the book. All the other references littered throughout the book (and there are hundreds) are bang up to date. It appears that James was scraping barrels trying to find some anti-breastfeeding references and ended up resorting to vintage ones.
My first reaction when I started reading was that I wanted to throw the book out the window. I was p***ed off. I was sure I was going to discover that I was a bad mum. That's probably why I kept reading it... Initially. I decided I would keep an open mind.
I finished the book in 3 nights and it was brilliant!
Confronting? Yes! I could see what was missing in my mothering, that I hadn't been able to see before.
I have made subtle changes to how I care for my son that have immediately resulted in a happier baby that goes to sleep in a couple of minutes on his own, rather than the coaxing, rocking, patting, exhausting marathons that it has taken since he was 6 weeks old.
I would only read this book if you
1. Are willing to confront the impact and consequences how you do things or plan to do things
2. Can put aside any concerns and defensiveness that you will discover you are a bad mother
I do think his views are mis-represented and sensationalised in the press.
Former Victorian Premier, Jeff Kennett once described Pauline Hanson to be "so simplistic as to be irresponsible." That sums up my reaction to "How Not to F*** Them Up." The book is presented as based on research. I love a good, popular, non-fiction book. But what I absolutely cannot abide is when someone writes a book, purportedly based on the latest evidence, and then picks and chooses scientific articles to back up their existing opinion. I know that is what we all do, every day in conversation, in written pieces, even in research theses. But it is utterly irresponsible to do so in a book targeted at one of the most vulnerable groups to judgment and advice in the Western world - mothers.
The author makes it fairly clear that his own background has informed his decision to write the book. But what he doesn't seem to realise is that his views are totally coloured by his own experience of growing up. His mother suffered from depression and he attributes many of his own social, developmental issues to this. His No.1 goal is to tell mothers, do what you need to do to avoid getting depressed, because that is the worst thing you can be for your child. Fair enough. But then he proceeds to pretend he is objectively presenting three different types of mothers: Organisers, Huggers and Fleximums, whilst implicit in the text is his favouring the Huggers and second, the Fleximums.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is wrote like a text book it is an interesting theory but not a fun read and no practical advice. Read morePublished 17 months ago by becastig
A lot of very useful information but repetitive. I bought it on kindle but wish I'd gone for a paperback so I could flick through it and just dig into the info I find helpful!Published 17 months ago by Wanjiru Chandler