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How Not to F*** Them Up Hardcover – June 6, 2011


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How Not to F*** Them Up + They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Random House UK (June 6, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0091923913
  • ISBN-13: 978-0091923914
  • Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1.2 x 9.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 2.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,993,993 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A book that you can trust with your children" The Independent "In a perfect world every parent would have a parenting masterclass before the baby arrives. This is the next best thing!" Arabella Weir "At last, something for the modern mother! A sane voice amid the shrill cacophony of childcare books" Imogen Edwards-Jones "James is truly on the side of women and creating a society in which parenting and the issues it raises are shared between both partners." -- Louise Carpenter The Times Magazine "I agree with Oliver James. Caring for a baby or toddler is personal, because you have to tune in to the child's changing needs." -- Sue Palmer The Times

About the Author

Oliver James trained and practised as a child clinical psychologist and, since 1988, has worked as a writer, journalist, broadcaster and television documentary producer and presenter. His books include the bestselling They F*** You Up, Affluenza and Contented Dementia. www.oliver-james-books.com.

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Customer Reviews

This is wrote like a text book it is an interesting theory but not a fun read and no practical advice.
becastig
His No.1 goal is to tell mothers, do what you need to do to avoid getting depressed, because that is the worst thing you can be for your child.
Jackie Australia
I bought it on kindle but wish I'd gone for a paperback so I could flick through it and just dig into the info I find helpful!
Wanjiru Chandler

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By A mum on January 12, 2013
Format: Paperback
I received this book for Christmas 2012, I have a 6 month old.

My first reaction when I started reading was that I wanted to throw the book out the window. I was p***ed off. I was sure I was going to discover that I was a bad mum. That's probably why I kept reading it... Initially. I decided I would keep an open mind.

I finished the book in 3 nights and it was brilliant!

Confronting? Yes! I could see what was missing in my mothering, that I hadn't been able to see before.

I have made subtle changes to how I care for my son that have immediately resulted in a happier baby that goes to sleep in a couple of minutes on his own, rather than the coaxing, rocking, patting, exhausting marathons that it has taken since he was 6 weeks old.

I would only read this book if you
1. Are willing to confront the impact and consequences how you do things or plan to do things
2. Can put aside any concerns and defensiveness that you will discover you are a bad mother

I do think his views are mis-represented and sensationalised in the press.
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22 of 34 people found the following review helpful By Jackie Australia on February 2, 2012
Format: Paperback
Three days ago, I finished reading "How Not to F*** Them Up," by Oliver James, and I have been fuming ever since. I didn't want to write this post, as a friend had recommended the book to me and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But I can't rid myself of that book until I write something about it. I feel it is my duty to warn other mums: DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!

Former Victorian Premier, Jeff Kennett once described Pauline Hanson to be "so simplistic as to be irresponsible." That sums up my reaction to "How Not to F*** Them Up." The book is presented as based on research. I love a good, popular, non-fiction book. But what I absolutely cannot abide is when someone writes a book, purportedly based on the latest evidence, and then picks and chooses scientific articles to back up their existing opinion. I know that is what we all do, every day in conversation, in written pieces, even in research theses. But it is utterly irresponsible to do so in a book targeted at one of the most vulnerable groups to judgment and advice in the Western world - mothers.

The author makes it fairly clear that his own background has informed his decision to write the book. But what he doesn't seem to realise is that his views are totally coloured by his own experience of growing up. His mother suffered from depression and he attributes many of his own social, developmental issues to this. His No.1 goal is to tell mothers, do what you need to do to avoid getting depressed, because that is the worst thing you can be for your child. Fair enough. But then he proceeds to pretend he is objectively presenting three different types of mothers: Organisers, Huggers and Fleximums, whilst implicit in the text is his favouring the Huggers and second, the Fleximums.
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By becastig on September 10, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
This is wrote like a text book it is an interesting theory but not a fun read and no practical advice. It all psychological theory which as a new mother isn't what I want to read in my fleeting spare time
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
A lot of very useful information but repetitive. I bought it on kindle but wish I'd gone for a paperback so I could flick through it and just dig into the info I find helpful!
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Beefy on November 14, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book made me angry. The author forces his view down your throat from start to finish, with the main message being: you will go straight to hell if you send your child to daycare.
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