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Best Books of the Year So Far
Looking for something great to read? Browse our editors' picks for 2015's Best Books of the Year So Far in fiction, nonfiction, mysteries, children's books, and much more.
"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner
"The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller
"If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons)
About the Author
Jacob Sager Weinstein has written for The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and Cracked.com, and is a former contributor to The Onion. He's also written for HBO, NBC, and the BBC.
Jacob and his wife live in London with their two children, neither of whom has ever been lost at sea or stuck in the middle of a buffalo stampede. Also, that one time he wasn't paying attention and the baby carriage rolled into the Regent's Park Duck Pond, neither of his kids was in it. What more could you want from a parenting expert?
Jacob Sager Weinstein has written for HBO, NBC, and the BBC. His prose work has appeared in the New Yorker and McSweeney's, and he's a former contributor to The Onion. He lives in London with his wife and two children.
He's also a part-time stay-at-home dad, and he's proud to say that the one time he wasn't paying attention and the buggy got blown into the Regent's Park Duck Pond, neither of his children was in it. He's pretty sure that qualifies him as some sort of parenting expert.
After failing three times to not kill my baby, my wife stumbled upon this book. The cover alone would have saved my first child. The other two would have been saved by pages 23 and 87. I didn't get this book in time, but you can!
The good news is that my wife is pregnant once again. This time, I'll be ready.
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How Not to Kill Your Baby isn't a parenting book; it's a parody of the parenting books we all read that gave us important and serious advice like: never put your child in a stroller lest he not learn to walk, cement all your bookshelves to the wall, and train your baby to go to sleep on her own because otherwise you'll need to show up every night at her college dorm to rock her to sleep.
I went back after I read the book and reread all the "Dan" sidebars. "Dan" underscores the sexist and insulting way the parenting industry demeans the father and expects the mother to be perfect.
This book might have been far more useful to me as a new parent than all the serious baby guides. Had I gotten it as a shower gift, it would have made me laugh at how seriously I was taking the whole thing and how insane the babycare industry has gotten.
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This book arrived on the scene at just the right time: when my wife and I were already expecting. If we'd read it before conception, we might have decided against procreating--it's just too damned dangerous. Instead, now we'll just forge ahead with BABY as our primary reference volume. (I will expect Jacob Sager Weinstein to write a second manual--one to guide children through taking care of parents in their dotage. I figure he's got a good ten years before we'll need it.)
Yes, there are other parenting manuals. This one isn't the first, and it won't be the last, but it might just be the most colorful, and the least likely to be a choking hazard. Babies do like to put things in their mouths, after all. We've coated our copy of BABY with a foul-tasting industrial pesticide for just that reason. There was nothing in the book telling us not to coat it with an industrial pesticide. And BABY is comprehensive... so I think we're safe. Oh, and our baby will be, as well. Now.