How Not to Write a Novel: Confessions of a Mid-List Author [Paperback]

David Armstrong (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 1, 2003

Every week, agents and publishers receive hundreds of manuscripts from would-be authors. Of these, less than one percent will make it into print. David Armstrong was one of the lucky ones -- his first crime novel plucked from the slush pile and published to acclaim. But it rapidly became clear to Armstrong that being a published novelist is not always as glamorous as it seems from the outside. There are the depressing, ill-attended readings, the bitchy writers conventions, and the bookshops that have never heard of you and don't stock your book. All of these will be familiar to any writer who, like Armstrong, falls into the category euphemistically known in publishing as mid-list . The reality is that for every J K Rowling there are 1,000 David Armstrongs; for every writer who is put up in a five-star hotel and flies first class courtesy of their publisher there are 1,000 who sleep on friends floors during book tours and dine at highway service stations... Witty, acerbic and wise, "How Not To Write A Novel" lifts the lid on publishing. From agents to editors, publicists to sales reps, it explains the publishing process - and how to survive it - from the point of view of a non-bestselling writer. A unique book, it is essential reading for anyone who dreams of getting their novel published - and for anyone curious about the inside workings of the publishing game.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Comes a point in the career of any aspiring novelist--when you find yourself in the second decade of revising your opus, for instance--that you may wonder why you ever bothered. This how-not-to by British novelist David Armstrong (Night's Black Agents) will either give you the strength to soldier on or inspire you to get out the lighter fluid and torch your manuscript before evil publishing types get the chance. Every chapter--on agents, advances, discipline and all the other joyful components of the writing biz--offers useful anecdotes and advice and ends with a cheerful list of tips (number one is usually "Don't do it!"): "Especially when you are young, do as wide a variety of jobs as you can. They'll often be low paid and involve long hours and tedium. Perfect for fostering the writing spirit."---The Washington Post

About the Author

David Armstrong lives in Shropshire, England. His first novel was short-listed for the Crime Writers Association Best First Crime Novel and since then his work has continued to receive critical acclaim.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Allison & Busby (July 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0749006803
• ISBN-13: 978-0749006808
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 6.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,497,417 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Don't buy it, April 9, 2005

By 

Jerika (9th circle) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How Not to Write a Novel: Confessions of a Mid-List Author (Paperback)

I ordered this once, the order got cancelled, and I hurriedly ordered it again, so eager was I to read it based on what I'd heard. What I'd heard was wrong. In addition to rambling on about himself and/or nothing, Armstrong offers only warmed-over advice from other published books on writing. That's right, he's done no original research with any primary sources whatsoever. He takes lots of advice from King's _On Writing_ (making sure also to tell us in detail about King's van accident and how the driver was found dead the following year...and what does this have to do with advice on how not to write a novel?) and plenty of mildly relevant personal experiences, such as joining the Crime Writers' Association (though he didn't have much time to devote to it because he'd just started a new romantic relationship, you see). The advice he offers isn't bad (with one exception), but you could easily cut out the middleman by buying this advice in its original packaging rather than Amrstrong's dull recycling.

The exception to the good advice is the repeatd mantra: Don't do it. Don't be a writer. Just don't do it, you'll regret it, and so on. This would have been clever once or twice, but he does it over and over and over again. Excuse me, but if I weren't serious about writing I probably wouldn't have bought your f*cking book, now, would I? As if a single book is going to talk me--or anybody else--out of it.

This is minor compared to the other flaws the book contains, but Armstrong and/or his editor have absolutely no idea how to punctuate. He sprinkles commas, liberally, throughout, to the point where, they make no sense and, slow down, or stop your comprehension. This leads as well to some truly leviathan sentences--I counted no fewer than 9 clauses in one of them. Sheesh.

16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good advice to the would-be writer..., January 31, 2004

By 

Yes (Yes) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How Not to Write a Novel: Confessions of a Mid-List Author (Paperback)

How not to write a novel - David Armstrong (2003)
(published by Alison and Busby Ltd ISBN 0 7490 0680 3)

This is a useful, and refreshingly honest, book on the subject: 'Why you shouldn't try to write a novel.'

The author of this book gave up a remunerative teaching career, thinking he could become a successful writer instead, and fell into a lot of pitfalls thereafter that he didn't anticipate beforehand. With the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, he takes the trouble to give the wisdom of his experience about the dismal life of an aspiring writer to those who are foolish and naive enough to be thinking about embarking on writing a novel for a living, to save them misunderstanding the process or the probable outcome. The author has had five novels published in the last decade, but he hasn't made it into the 'big-time', and those five books have netted him very little money indeed (somewhere around £15,000-UK in total, over an entire decade of writing - with the opportunity to earn his living on something far more remunerative having been foregone).

The author explains, in particular, why writing a novel is probably going to turn out to be a waste of effort for most people if they want to see themselves in print, successful and rich: (a) The supply of books by would-be authors massively exceeds demand: therefore publishers can pick and choose, without responsibility, between manuscripts submitted by huge numbers of budding writers; (b) Even if you write a book, you will find it very difficult to get it published - at least, unless you are already a well-known name in some other field that the public have already heard of, so as to make your book marketable, or your parents happen to be in the publishing business already; (c) Even if you get it published, your novel won't sell in any great quantity unless you were already a household name known to Joe Public, and will quickly disappear from your local bookshop, so you will make so little money out of it (a few hundred pounds per book, maybe, even if you are lucky) that you will have wasted your time putting the book together in the first place.

This is a very useful book for anyone thinking of embarking on a writing career as a would-be novelist for money or fame. The advice of the author, stressed at the end of every chapter, is a clear: Write for fun by all means, if you wish, but don't waste your time and energy on trying to write a novel if your motives are money, success or fame, because you probably won't get published; it almost certainly won't pay you to do so; and you will find the whole process hopelessly frustrating. Learn the xylophone instead.

This book won't stop people trying to succeed as writers, but at least those who read it will be made more street-wise early on, and know what the obstacles and the low probability of success are.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Do it!, May 1, 2004

By 

cyberpsycho "cyberpsycho" (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How Not to Write a Novel: Confessions of a Mid-List Author (Paperback)

Not your typical "How To" writer's book, as the title implies, but more like a guided tour of the often harsh realities that are part of being a non-bestselling author. Armstrong's eloquent voice combined with blunt honesty and concise details make this an important book for anyone who has ever written a novel, or has considered doing so with illusions of bestseller lists, packed-house book signings, and full-size window displays at Barnes & Noble. Excellent personal anecdotes relating to the publication and promotion of Armstrong's own novels make this book very informative, as well as entertaining.