Customer Reviews

How to Ruin Your Love Life

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"Carve it in stone: Love Relationships Aren't Partnerships - They're Master-Servant Relationships, and You Are the Master (or Mistress)." ~pg. 21

Ben Stein's writing style is highly entertaining. I had just taken a sip of tea when I happened upon page 21 and I almost couldn't swallow my tea. I then realized it was probably best not to eat or drink anything while reading this book. It is way too funny.

Not only did I spend last night laughing loudly enough to wake up my husband a few times, I realized Ben Stein should have put a warning in this book: "So funny, don't read in the middle of the night as you might wake the neighbors."

Ben's theory seems to include "opposite therapy." This is not like any other relationship book you will ever read. You know those other books with the "to do" lists. While reading "How to Ruin Your Love Life" there were some moments of "stunning truth." I'd never really thought about people who were successful being the types of people who overcome their compulsions. This was a moment of truth for me.

In 116 pages, you will encounter almost every "relationship mistake" you could ever think of. All in glowing detail. First, we find the two main rules that will lead you to loneliness and despair and they are:

1. You are better than anyone else.
2. Never forgive and never forget.

Well, those seem easy enough to remember.

Throughout this book, Ben Stein gives 44 rules that are guaranteed to ruin your love life. Everything from never telling your lover you love them to never being grateful for the gifts you get.

"Why should you utter those three insignificant words? Don't you have any short-term memory? I just told you a few pages back that love was a junior high school game. Why didn't you believe me? What that meant was that although your lover is expected to constantly tell you that she loves you, you never have to reply in kind. Make her pant for it. Make her beg (similar to stingily doling out affection)! Make her yearn desperately for even a hint of "I love you." .....Repeat after me: Love is a junior high school game if you really want to do it well (and cruelly). So spare those three little words ... and spoil the relationship." ~pg. 52

If you have ever met someone who did this to you, you've probably spent a lot of time crying and if you then went on to meet someone who gave you love even before you asked, then you have known some measure of true happiness.

Throughout this book, you will encounter a variety of "relationship-killers." Not saying "I Love You" can kill a relationship faster than anything I've ever seen. It is deadly. I must still have a sense of humor because I still laughed.

Then, there is the "never admit that you're wrong or apologize in any dispute" rule.

While each chapter is filled with wry wit, the endings of some of the chapters are especially good. Some of the endings lead to the next chapter and the ideas tie together in amusing ways. Like:

"Now, back to driving your lover crazy instead of driving yourself crazy..." or "Well, I'm so glad you brought that up. Because the truth is..."

This book could save your relationship from certain doom. I myself found a variety of ideas very useful. At times I think we don't realize how others see us and it can be quite enlightening to read a book that is ingeniously candid. Whatever you do, do the opposite of what he tells you! That is key.

If you enjoy this book, look for "How to Ruin Your Life" by Ben Stein.

~The Rebecca Review

I laughed out loud, not once but virtually throughout the book, when
reading Ben Stein's HOW TO RUIN YOUR LOVE LIFE . . . he presents 44 easy-to-follow steps that will absolutely
do just what it promises.

Each step is presented in a short, hysterical essay with such
telling titles as "Talk About Yourself Exclusively," "Make Fun of
Your Lover's Family," "Demand Expensive Gifts From Your Lover,"
and "Compare Your Lover With Lovers You've Dated in the Past" . . . then

there's arguably the most important one of them all: "If You're
Dating Someone Who Has a Lot of Problems, Is Generally a Mess,
All of Your friends Dislike Him or Her, Get Married Anyway--Marriage
Will Solve All of Your Problems."

I'm not so sure that last statement is true, but I do know that I
have learned from this book--and pledge to start doing the opposite
as I type . . . also, in thinking about all the useful advice that
Stein has provided, my only regret is that I did not have access
to this material much earlier in my life!

For example, I now know that the following are not exactly what
might be considered to be good things to do:

* Let's face it: It's really boring to listen to other people's problems. But
for other people to hear your problems, now that's truly fascinating.
Why is there a difference? Because your problems are about you, and
that makes them far more interesting than what anybody else has to
say.

* You can be confident that your lover will be happy to be frequently told
how she can perfect her appearance. People like to be reminded of
their flaws--especially by their lovers. And don't forget to pinch her
upper arm or her thigh every once in a while to remind her that she's
go extra fat in those areas--everyone loves that!

* So say anything you like-no matter how hurtful--and when your lover
says, "That's a bit rude, isn't it?" respond with an outraged look and a
haughty reply, such as: "Oh, I guess I'm not allowed to say anything
at all, right? From now on, I'll just talk to my cat. She lets me say
anything I want and doesn't jump down my throat."

Or else, say something really cutting, maybe about his mother or father,
and then when he looks shocked, say, "I'm just trying to have a healthy
relationship by expressing my feelings. But I guess that's not allowed.
What am I supposed to do-keep it all bottled up inside me forever?! I
don't think that would be healthy for either of us, do you?"

The beauty of this is that your lover really can't provide an adequate
response to your "logic." What's he going to say--"No, you're not
allowed to express your feelings?" Of course not.

So, feel free to say or even do anything you want, and know you can
get away with it. Why? Well, shucks, you're just expressing your feelings.

This book, while a quick read, was quite enjoyable. Taking the opposite approach from the other books that tell you what to do to maintain a healthy loving relationship, Ben goes through all of the most common things that people do to ruin a relationship, or even to keep out of a relationship at all. Everybody should be able to relate to this book in some way. I know I've been guilty of some of these behaviors, and I've certainly been a victim of some of them, too. If you want to learn a little more about how good relationships work without getting bogged down by some tedious psycho-babble nonsense, Ben's book is a very entertaining way to go about it. He even manages to squeeze in a nice little plug for Jimmy Kimmel.

Ben Stein has the talent and humor to prove me right in the book "How to Ruin Your Love Life". It identifies all the frequent behaviors many people have that results in unhappy relationships. This book is a necessity for anyone who is married, dating or single. Two things will happen if you read this book:

1.) You'll stop doing all the unobserved things that drives your partner crazy and leads to misery.

-OR-

2.) You'll know what to watch out for and you'll stay away from people who exhibit these types of behaviors.

Bravo, Ben Stein. Bravo!

In this book, Ben Stein reviews many of the things we always knew were unattractive in a prospective or current mate or lover. They're in a lot of movies about romance. We see the behavior in others and shake our heads. And as we read this little book, we nod and say, "I knew that." So if we already know all this, why read the book?

We should read this book now and every so often just to remind ourselves of the behaviors that could kill our romance. It's like holding up a mirror and really taking a look at ourselves. All of us can see in others what we can't see in ourselves, even when the behavior is as obvious as pointing out our lover's imperfections in front of his friends. Or when it's a bit more obscure, such as overdramatizing everything. When you read about people who talk about themselves exclusively, don't you just want to shake them and say, "Wake up"? Well, consider this a wakeup call.

Stein's telling of the behavior in a reverse psychology form helps to clarify and isolate the behavior. It's different from saying "thou shalt not," possibly seeming sillier to some, but even viewing his style in that way can make what he says more immediate.

Readers may not find this pleasant reading, but most will surely find it thought provoking. And those who are interested in the subject might also enjoy "He's Just Not that Into You" or even "Sex and the City."

For the last several years, as my friends and co-workers have gotten married, I have bought this book as an extra wedding gift for them.

I always inscribe it the same - "Do not follow any of the advice in this book!"

Ben Stein's "How to ruin your love life" is a very funny book, but true about how you can destroy the things you care about - mostly through neglect and selfishness.

I advise you read it and share it with others.

There's nothing like learning from a bad example!

Instead of writing another book of advice on what to do to KEEP your guy or gal, Stein writes a tongue in cheek book on how to drive your prospective lover or mate away. By doing so, he underlines the fact that you should clearly do the opposite of following his advice if you want to find romance- and does so humorously.
The information he provides seems as though it SHOULD be second nature but it apparently isn't, since so many people keep making the same mistakes. So Stein suggests they use certain tactics to GUARANTEE they'll keep people at a distance - talk too much about themselves, be interested in marrying only for money, be overdramatic, pick fights when things get too calm, etc. You get the point. This book is such a quick read that you could probably browse through it in the bookstore in less than an hour... but you might want to buy a copy for that friend (and everyone knows one) who keeps making the same romantic mistakes over and over. Or just buy a copy and leave it on your coffee table. I guarantee people won't be able to resist looking through it.

A hilariously funny book to read and how often did I see myself in those pages, tears of laughter running down my face. The funniest one, was when I was dating a guy for about a year and the relationship was going nowhere. It was only later I realised he was a commitment phobic and totally in love with someone else -HIMSELF!
But on a more serious note, learn from your mistakes or move on.

It's witty, funny, and accurate! Now I understand why my ex is still single at 42, and why I couldn't put up with that relationship anymore. My ex was very proficient when it came to doing all that this book says you shouldn't do. Following all this rules helped her to ruin her love life. And somehow that helped me to realize that there are some kind of people that I don't want to be with at all. You also learn by being on the other side of the one person that follows these rules.

Ben Stein is one of those rare Renaissance men who seem to be able to put their talents to any task and do a good or better result. This Book is one of his better efforts! Unfortunetly, it won't be read by those folks who need it the most! (Not that I am any paragon of virtue myself.)Bless you Ben and save Ferris!