A guide by the author of The Sexually Satisfied Woman explains why affairs happen, offers preventative advice, and presents a seven-step "reconstructive" program for couples who are willing to recommit to one another. Reprint.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Top-notch for couples who want to reunite after an affair,
By A Customer
This review is from: How to Save Your Marriage (Paperback)
This book has become particularly relevant in light of the current White House scandal. It seems to offer the potential for insights into the possible reasons for Clinton's alleged pattern of behavior that exceeds the marital boundary. But the book is intended mainly for couples who want to reunite after an affair, and in that it is particularly effective. It also offers insight into the keys to what makes a strong marriage regardless of whether or not an extramarital affair has been engaged in. The author begins by pointing out warning signs of infidelity for those who harbor the suspicion in their spouse but do not know for sure. He then addresses the causes of affairs, both from the unfulfilled needs originating in childhood and from the vicissitudes of adult life. The family situation is described both before and after the normal, unstructured disclosures of such activity. The real heart of the book, and its highest value, is in the seven-step program of reconstruction. The stages are Admission, Ventilation, Identification, Vulnerability, Communion, Acceptance, and Reunion. In Admission, the unfaithful partner admits to the affair and discloses the reasons for seeking it out. A structure is created for open communication with the goal of understanding, repair of the broken trust, and reunification. The faithful partner must hear the words and experience the pain and hurt, as well as express feelings that the transgressing partner must be willing to hear. In Ventilation, the faithful partner heavily ventilates the hurt and pain of the betrayal, which the other partner must listen to objectively, while the unfaithful partner must continue to delve into the reasons he or she sought out the affair. In Identification, the two partners identify the destructive behavioral roles that they've been engaging in that have inhibited their marriage. In Vulnerability, both partners open up to honesty, revealing their deepest thoughts, feelings, desires, and pains. In Communion, they reunite with a common purpose, rewriting the marital vows. In Acceptance, they accept that the affair has happened, and accept each other with flaws and strengths. In Reunion, they strive to move forward in life and maintain their newfound marital harmony. The author also discusses how to regain trust, comfort, and romance in the bedroom, and describes in detail how to handle the kids, the "third party," and friends, relatives, and others who know. He closes by offering guidelines on seeking professional help, should you wish to pursue this option. It is a thorough book that seems to deal with this subject exhaustively, and opens the door to communication in marriage that neither partner may have opened during the entire stretch of the marriage so far. A remarkable tour de force.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
fair,
By LSPoet@AOL.Com (Baltimore MD) - See all my reviews
This review is from: How to Save Your Marriage (Paperback)
I found this book to be redundant, and obvious. I felt that the seven steps were not explained thouroly. However the begining of the book, which talks about what you can expect to feel if it happenes to you, was somewhat helpful. It does tend to validate the hurt and anger you feel. However I didn't feel all of the steps were defined well enough or that they were necassary. I think that some of what he was asking us to do, is too painful for most people to except and deal with. (Although probably they should) I feel like I needed to know how to heal myself after hearing the whole story in step one. Overall it was somewhat helpful, but not what I expected
1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Read,
By A Customer
This review is from: How to Save Your Marriage (Paperback)
The review above is really great, by Craig. I would highly recommend this book. The reviewer who did not like it only did not like the book because she did not hear what she needed to hear, only what she wanted to hear! How helpful is that!?Read it, you'll enjoy it.
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