How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, More Joy, and What Matters Most to You [Hardcover]

Patti Breitman (Author), Connie Hatch (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 14, 2000

"To this book I say yes, yes, yes!"
—from the Foreword by Richard Carlson, author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Find more time and energy for the things you love to do—learn to say no without feeling guilty!

The simple word "no" is often the most difficult to say. Yet anyone can develop the skills to say no with confidence, kindness, and peace of mind. And the benefits are enormous. You'll spend less time doing things you don't want to do with people you don't want to see, and move closer to your own priorities and passions.

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty shows you:

The five simple techniques that will help you say no with finesse in nearly any situation
How to apply two basic principles to minimize guilt about saying no and reduce the likelihood of personal conflicts

In addition, authors Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch provide specific language and practical strategies for defending your boundaries against life's many intrusions and distractions, including:

Demanding friends and family members
Unwelcome invitations, dates, and romantic entanglements
Requests for money, whether from friends, relatives, organizations, or panhandlers
Unreasonable assignments at work
Pushy people who ask for too many favors
Junk mail, annoying phone calls, and buddies with something to sell
High-maintenance people
And much more

Ultimately, "no" can be one of the most positive words in your vocabulary. Whether you crave more family time, more time for yourself, or more time to pursue a dream, saying no frees up room for the "yeses" in your life.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Featuring an extremely promotable high concept, this effort to combine assertiveness training with the aims of the simplicity movement results in an occasionally useful, if unoriginal, self-help book. By saying "no"--with skill and sensitivity--to draining, unsatisfying activities, literary agent and public speaker Breitman and writer Hatch argue, readers will have time and energy for more important ones. After covering the principles behind graceful refusals (e.g., act from generosity; saying less is more), much of the book is devoted to scripts for dealing with a variety of sticky situations--from requests for loans to handling freeloaders, high-maintenance acquaintances, service and professional help--and preventive strategies, some of which are helpful while others could easily come off as insincere. A section on handling unreasonable work demands, such as overtime and extra assignments, does not seem especially realistic, although there is some thoughtful advice on delicate issues such as critiquing performance, dealing with requests for raises and turning down job applicants. Advice on following one's bliss and self-employment seem misplaced here, while suggestions about how to say no to spouses and children are adequate. Readers who want a thorough grounding in assertiveness techniques would benefit more from classics like When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, instead of this hodgepodge of excuses.$40,000 ad/promo.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

Advance praise for How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty:

"This book is the bible on how to say no and still be seen as a nice person. It can change your life forever."
--Jack Canfield, coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series

"It's a book to consult over and over again. I recommend it."
--John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"Brilliant! This practical, powerful book will help you express what you really feel and want."
--Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., author of Making Peace with Your Past

"This is a charming, intelligent, and practical guide to finding the great YES of life, by learning that NO is a complete sentence. Thoroughly enjoyable."
--Anne Lamott, author of Traveling Mercies

"A road map for opening up lots of needed space in our lives.  Out with the guilt, and in with a life that is ours again!"
--Janet Luhrs, author of The Simple Living Guide and Simple Loving

"How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty enables us to rid ourselves of needless guilt so we can live a richer, more fulfilling life."
--Dave Pelzer, author of A Child Called "It", The Lost Boy, and A Man Named Dave

"This book is wonderfully useful, doable, wise, and inspiring."
--Sue Bender, author of Plain and Simple and Everyday Sacred

"A must for anyone who wants to live a life of joy and ease, and feel good about it."
--Marcia Wieder, author of Making Your Dreams Come True

"The best book I ever read on setting boundaries. This is a must-read for everyone!"
--Sirah Vettese, Ph.D., author of What Happened to the Prince I Married?

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Broadway; 1 edition (March 14, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 076790379X
• ISBN-13: 978-0767903790
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.7 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,164,443 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Exactly what it says in the title, July 8, 2006

By 

Dreaming Kat (Texas, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, and What Matters Most to You (Paperback)

The book literally tells you *how* to say "no" nicely. It doesn't tell you when to say no, or why to say no, it tells you *how* to say no. It doesn't try to give you a moral compass, nor does it judge you or those around you. It doesn't tell you how to best handle the alcoholic in your life; it gives you complete sentences you can use in conversations with the person to make it clear that you don't want to participate (even just by your presence) in X, Y, or Z activities.

There are sections that promote "little white lies", but there are no situations offered where that's the only suggested method of handling it. There are also "preventative" techniques in most of the sections. While those techniques are generally avoidant, I can see how they can be useful for those who are just learning to be assertive and thus can not be assertive frequently.

I don't think there's anything all that groundbreaking in the book; it's literally a book of stock phrases in list format between short sections of motivational prose designed to give you the guts to say it. It can't give you a backbone, but if your in the process of getting one implanted, it can help you change your speech patterns to reflect this (and avoid transplant rejection). It may also help you fake having a backbone with those who aren't pushy.

This book is definitely for when you've already decided that "no" is what you want to say, but you can't actually come up with the words to do so. While the book is clearly by and for middle-middle and upper-middle class women, most of the stock phrases will work for anyone.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazingly helpful book, June 13, 2000

By 

Paul Reed - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, More Joy, and What Matters Most to You (Hardcover)

This book is packed with suggestions and guidance to help learn to stop doing things you don't want to do and start doing the things you do want to do. In a society as sick with codependence as ours is, it's not an easy thing to do -- we've got all kinds of bizarre notions about being polite, being aggreeable, etc. So it takes a lot of effort, learning, and practice to break free. This book shows you how. Additionally, the writing is very good, and the authors have a weird sense of humor that makes their examples just delightful!

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Won't Give You a Backbone, August 16, 2005

By 

Mr. Roy B. Mccammon - See all my reviews
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This review is from: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, More Joy, and What Matters Most to You (Hardcover)

If you know you need to say no, but don't know how, this is the book for you. It literally gives you the words to string together to say no without appearing mean and hateful. Also there is a chapter on handling high maintenance people in your life.

But, if you don't know you should say no, this book won't help. If you know you should say no but don't want to, again there is no help. This book won't give you a backbone.