Customer Reviews

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, More Joy, and What Matters Most to You

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

The book literally tells you *how* to say "no" nicely. It doesn't tell you when to say no, or why to say no, it tells you *how* to say no. It doesn't try to give you a moral compass, nor does it judge you or those around you. It doesn't tell you how to best handle the alcoholic in your life; it gives you complete sentences you can use in conversations with the person to make it clear that you don't want to participate (even just by your presence) in X, Y, or Z activities.

There are sections that promote "little white lies", but there are no situations offered where that's the only suggested method of handling it. There are also "preventative" techniques in most of the sections. While those techniques are generally avoidant, I can see how they can be useful for those who are just learning to be assertive and thus can not be assertive frequently.

I don't think there's anything all that groundbreaking in the book; it's literally a book of stock phrases in list format between short sections of motivational prose designed to give you the guts to say it. It can't give you a backbone, but if your in the process of getting one implanted, it can help you change your speech patterns to reflect this (and avoid transplant rejection). It may also help you fake having a backbone with those who aren't pushy.

This book is definitely for when you've already decided that "no" is what you want to say, but you can't actually come up with the words to do so. While the book is clearly by and for middle-middle and upper-middle class women, most of the stock phrases will work for anyone.

This book is packed with suggestions and guidance to help learn to stop doing things you don't want to do and start doing the things you do want to do. In a society as sick with codependence as ours is, it's not an easy thing to do -- we've got all kinds of bizarre notions about being polite, being aggreeable, etc. So it takes a lot of effort, learning, and practice to break free. This book shows you how. Additionally, the writing is very good, and the authors have a weird sense of humor that makes their examples just delightful!

If you know you need to say no, but don't know how, this is the book for you. It literally gives you the words to string together to say no without appearing mean and hateful. Also there is a chapter on handling high maintenance people in your life.

But, if you don't know you should say no, this book won't help. If you know you should say no but don't want to, again there is no help. This book won't give you a backbone.

Here's a simple quiz to determine if this book is for you. Answer Yes or No to the following 2 questions, which are situations used in the book.

Question #1 - You are asked to go out on a date with someone that you find unattractive and do not wish to go out with them. You should not just tell them No, but also tell them that you are seeing someone else to show "mercy" on them? Yes or No (The book refers to this as a "face savings" technique.)

Question #2 - Your 6 year old child likes chocolate covered cereal, but you want them to eat something more nutritious. When at the grocery store with your child you should avoid the cereal isle and come back to get cereal another time, thus avoiding the need to say no? Yes or No (The book refers to this as a "prevention" technique.)

If you answered Yes to either question, you will probably agree with the suggestions in this book. However, you are lacking a moral compass and/or are so spineless that a 6 year old can walk all over you. Face the fact that there probably isn't any book that will help you, and this one will only continue to feed your lack of character and self confidence.

If you answered No to both questions, you know more about "saying no" than you can get from this book. Buying this book would only infuriate you as it is filled with excuses, trickery and deceptions. All of which lead to the guilt that the book is supposed to help you avoid.

I think it is especially nice when authors make the effort to entertain while providing life-changing guidance. It's like the "spoonful of suger". If you like this book, you might try Richard Swenson's two books, "Margin" and "The Overload Syndrome", both about restoring some much needed space in our "go-go, yes-yes" lives.

Thank you for this invaluable book! As someone who has always had trouble saying "no" in many different contexts because of fearing the stigma of being considered not a "nice person", your clear-headed and insightful advice has helped me to start creating time and energy for what I really want to do and not just automatically responding affirmatively to demands for my time, attention, etc. I especially appreciated the chapter on saying "no" to family and friends because that has always been a very complicated area for me. Great book!

I attended a class that Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch gave in New York, and I just finished reading "How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty". This is a really valuable book, written by two people who are clearly committed to providing important infomation that can be used every day. The book is concise and practical, and is written in a supportive way. It is infused with a sense of ethics that is critical to the subject. It's often very difficult to say no, and to do it in a way that protects the feelings of everyone involved can be very tricky. The authors provide example after example of how to maneuver through this minefield. I highly recommend this book--it has value for virtually everyone, and is a thoughtful and caring gift. Midway through reading "How to Say No...", I gave several copies to some very appreciative friends and relatives. Thank you, Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch, for writing such an important book.

Thank you, Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch, for giving me the techniques to say no and have more control over my life. Your techniques have given me more time, more space, more efficiency. And your suggestions are simple and non-affected. I didn't have to learn a "system"; I just got to pick from some excellent ideas that work for me.

I found this book to be an insightful guide to getting more of what you really want in life in a way that reinforces your commitment to yourself. The authors suggestions are thoughtful and well presented. The section on identifing and manifesting what it is you really want, gives the reader a powerful set of tools that can be used in many aspects of life. With practice and patience, I believe that learning to say no at the appropriate times can be a self satisfying experience. There is a plethra of humor along with genuine sensitivity in dealing with this subject matter in many situations. I would recommend this to people from all different walks of life. If you are able to make use of even one of the suggestions in this book, you will have opened yourself up a little more to finding what truly makes you happy and making the time for it in your life. Take what you need and leave the rest. This book is full of great ideas and is one to refer to again and again!

We all have friends who say yes constantly and are overwhelmed because of it. We see their pain and we want to help them but don't know what to do. I have found the answer and that is...BUY THEM THIS BOOK. I have given it to several people and it is truly something they find valuable and can use right away. (I only hope they don't say no to me the next time I need a favor - but I guess that means the book worked!) Really -- buy one for you and buy it for someone you care about. The advice is easy-to-read and easy to put into practice. The suggestions work and the time spent reading the book will come back ten-fold in new-found free time!