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How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time [Kindle Edition]

Russell Blake
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (47 customer reviews)

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Book Description

How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated) is a parody of all things related to writing, self-publishing and self-promotion. Featuring 59 Writer’s Tips running the gamut from selecting a blockbuster title to creating compelling narrative and dialog, Russell’s relentlessly evil humor mocks everything sacred to the writing profession. Described as “…the literary equivalent of Ebola” and “vicious, demented, reprehensible brain poison,” Blake’s book is sweeping the publishing industry and garnering rave reviews. A must buy for authors, friends of authors, and readers everywhere.

”How to Sell a Gazillion eBooks In a Year is by far the most important book ever written on any topic, although I exclude the Bible since the Bible wasn’t exactly written in the way we mean the word “written.” But other than that, Gazillion does it all. For everyone. A can’t miss, sure fire Gazillion hit-a-thon from the master of them all.”

- John Lescroart, NY Times bestselling author of over 20 novels, including The Vig, The 13th Juror, Treasure Hunt, Damage, Second Chair and a host of others

“…a joyously vicious satire and parody that makes sport of John Locke, and indeed of the whole brave new world of self–publishing and self–promotion. If you don’t find Mr. Blake outrageous, and indeed offensive, you would seem to be missing the point. And the same thing goes if you only find him outrageous and offensive.”

- Lawrence Block, bestselling author of Telling Lies For Fun & Profit, The Liar’s Bible, A Drop Of The Hard Stuff, and Getting Off

“Anybody who’s ever read a self-help book will appreciate the cynical humor from the nimble mind of Russell Blake in this parody. Piercing sarcasm, the ability to turn a phrase into a missile and an impressive vocabulary (he makes up words if he doesn’t know an appropriate one – I’ve asked him, but still don’t know what a Gazillion is) combine into a book that is alternately rant, grovel, trash-talk and Bizarro-world counsel. Irreverent fun.”

– David Lender, author of Trojan Horse, The Gravy Train and Bull Street

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A Q & A for How To Sell A Gazillion with bestselling author Russell Blake

Question: Gazillions mocks everyone and everything, including icons like John Locke. Are you trying to be the most hated writer alive?

Russell Blake: Fair question. First off, this wasn't a jab at Locke. It was a jab at everyone. I wanted to write something that called BS and mocked the entire notion that it was easy or fun being a self-published author. There's just this hushed sort of reverence when certain names are mentioned, I thought it would be very funny to lampoon both the self-help books themselves, as well as our entire attitude about self-publishing and being authors. I think the result worked - I was laughing as I wrote most of it, and I still laugh when I go back and read it, although admittedly alcohol is often involved..

Q: Who is the book written for?

RB: Honestly, it was mainly written for me, and a small circle of friends with really twisted senses of humor. Nothing's sacred in that crowd, which is the basis of most of the humor in the book. That, and there are a lot of jabs at bad writing, of which, unfortunately, there's no dearth.

Q: What would you tell readers delving into it?

RB: Mainly that there are no sacred cows, or rather, that there shouldn't be. Writing should be fun, and joyful, and done for the sake of creating something worth reading. While it could be done in a calculated attempt to create the next bestseller, that seems like a lousy way to do it. So this is a slam at all the "How to get rich by self-publishing" books that have infested the world. I think it's brutally funny, and hopefully readers will too. You'll note a lot of accomplished literary luminaries were quick to call it hilarious - and these are guys like Lawrence Block, who literally wrote the book on writing. So if you believe all of life has to be dead serious, this ain't for you.


Editorial Reviews

Review

USA Today Bestselling Author

As Seen in The Wall Street Journal, The Chicago Tribune, and The Times!


"
A sadistically good writer."
- The Kindle Book Review

"Russell Blake writes with a brisk intensity and pulse-pounding power. Jump in and hang on for a nonstop thrill ride." - Scott Nicholson, Liquid Fear

"Blake at his best!" - Steven Konkoly, Black Flagged Redux, Black Flagged, The Jakarta Pandemic

About the Author

Featured in The Wall Street Journal, The Times, and The Chicago Tribune, Russell Blake is the USA Today bestselling author of twenty-eight books, including Fatal Exchange, The Geronimo Breach, Zero Sum, King of Swords, Night of the Assassin, Revenge of the Assassin, Return of the Assassin, Blood of the Assassin, The Delphi Chronicle trilogy, The Voynich Cypher, Silver Justice, JET, JET - Ops Files, JET II - Betrayal, JET III - Vengeance, JET IV - Reckoning, JET V - Legacy, JET VI - Justice, JET VII, Sanctuary, Upon A Pale Horse, BLACK, BLACK Is Back, BLACK Is The New Black, and BLACK To Reality.

Non-fiction includes the international bestseller 
An Angel With Fur (animal biography) and How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (even if drunk, high or incarcerated), a parody of all things writing-related.

Blake co-authored an action/adventure novel, The Eye of Heaven, with legendary adventure author Clive Cussler, to be released by Penguin in September, 2014.

Blake lives in Mexico and enjoys his dogs, fishing, boating, tequila and writing, while battling world domination by clowns.

Product Details

  • File Size: 293 KB
  • Print Length: 199 pages
  • Publisher: Reprobatio Ltd (September 23, 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005CBA5ZM
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #195,343 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HILARIOUS June 19, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
This may be an "in joke" for all of us writers who slave away, hoping that somehow we can make some money self-publishing our work. We have read all the serious advice about marketing, building 'platforms,' using social media--ad nauseum. Along comes Blake, who simply tells us what we want to hear. But he does it hilariously. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that if I followed his advice, I might just create a bestseller....

Russell Blake has written a lot of books. Most of them are thrillers. He knows what he is doing. This book is, I think, his way of taking a vacation.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fun read September 30, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I have to admit I did not read the description but what a great book to accidentally buy!

While it is a parody on many self-publishing books on the market Russell Blake's examples illustrate what not to do better than many real books I've seen. Anyone who reads this and thinks he is recommending following any of the advice he is giving has missed the point of the book. He is no more seriously suggesting plagiarism then he is dating a celeb to sell your book or buy book reviews... The book is a spoof. A well done one. The laughter disturbed my cat a few times (woke her up... see tip from book... kitties). I'll be lending this to my husband and buying as a gift for a few writer friends. I think some of the books to help newbie authors have value but this book is a great balance reminding authors not to take themselves too seriously and to think about the advice they are getting. Is the advice useful/doable/repeatable? Buy this book. You won't regret it.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it March 30, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I love the sarcasm in this book, but the real thing is that he is telling the truth ( just in the way it should be) . I picked up so much stuff about the stupid things some writers do just to publish their work, Ive bought some of these ebooks before and just threw them away.(digitally threw them away of course) I especially liked the chapter on over used adjectives and adverbs.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brutally Insincere - I Loved it! June 16, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
Hahahaha, Russell Blake is brutally insincere with all the scruples of a hungry pride of lions. I loved it! People reviewing my own books either `get' me or don't, and I often suspect those who don't are affronted because they can see themselves in the writing. Blake is the same. He is an absolute piss taker who I suspect bases his own role model on the likes of Tony Robbins, Ziggy Ziglar and Pete Doherty.

HOWEVER, there is no doubt that if you were following Russell's advice to the letter you would certainly sell a gazillion e-books ..... possibly more.

I'm also given to understand that it was Blake's father who wrote the best-seller `How to Pick up More Girls' in the early seventies, so he comes with good credibility. This is a MUST BUY for all self-published authors, writers, scribblers, bloggers, song-writers and spin-doctors alike.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars He's Da Man! April 27, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
If you want to learn how to get rich quick by writing e-books, Russell is da man!
This book was meant to be satirical and it is, but there are a few real gems hidden in its pages from an author who, by the way, really is cashing in on the e-book revolution with his Jet series, among other hot sellers.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Amusing ramblings on the subject of indie publishing April 23, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
To anyone considering buying this book - read the product description! It is tongue in cheek (to put it mildly) but an entertainig read. Aspiring authors might consider it a book on what not to do. it is not a "how to" book on publishing. Russell Blake offers some real ideas and comments on his experiences as an indie publisher in his blog on his web site [...]. This book is probably best read while drinking Guiness in an Irish pub while waiting for your mates to arrive.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hysterical. I loved it. February 27, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I have read this book twice just for laughs. I love it. Thanks to the author for injecting some humor in an otherwise ruthless business. That said, I took away two things that I will use for my books. I recommend this book for authors who don't want this business to consume them.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hysterical what a funny guy June 5, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Loved the book, so funny that you kept in the stinking reviews, honesty is the best policy....grrr.....I am going to have to read it again, and I have tweeted it and facebooked it too....I am going to have to learn to be arrogant I am far too nice, so I guess it's another alter ego, got baarbaarathesheep storyteller, Dharma Poet, and now I will be literary agent and publisher, name to be confirmed....Read this and laugh your socks off or get really offended....baaa

Save Our Valleys "A Sheep's Tail" (Baarbaara The Sheep)
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Some Great Tongue-in-Cheek Suggestions Here!
And if I were to follow them all I'd likely wind up sued down to my shorts, in prison, or on the run. Read more
Published 2 months ago by draw
2.0 out of 5 stars Sorry Russell
i have read many Russell Blake books, I really like them, but this one not so much. Read the 'Assassin series" or ' Angel with Fur' !
Published 2 months ago by RFC
2.0 out of 5 stars mildly humorous but a waste of time/money if you hoped it would...
The book starts off with a few reasonably helpful but obvious to everyone observations about genres, titles and covers, but soon collapses into silly and rambling comments. Read more
Published 3 months ago by William M. Wood
5.0 out of 5 stars HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR FANS OF SATIRE -- MUST-READ FOR SELF-PUBLISHING...
This book is a biting satire about the publishing industry.

When I started reading it, I shrieked so loud laughing that my husband came running a few times. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Lilo Huhle-Poelzl
4.0 out of 5 stars The business of books.
I often chase down a book mentioned by the Wall St. Journal from a business standpoint as it piques my interest. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Fred Forbes
5.0 out of 5 stars Great satire. More for readers than writers.
I think the book is excellent. It is not a "how to book", but a humorous satire that should be interesting to a broad audience. Blake's humor really appealed to me. Read more
Published 6 months ago by ELP
1.0 out of 5 stars Humerous parts but a waste of time
This book is strictly filler. Move on. It's a chore to try to find anything to say about this book.
Published 6 months ago by Andy Holmes
5.0 out of 5 stars He's not as smart as me
Russell Blake bangs on a lot in his 'how-to' book about how he's smarter than his reader. Well, he can think again, at least in my case. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Tim Stevens
1.0 out of 5 stars Minus one
Thank God for the Kindle sample is all I can say, because once I reached the page where Blake is crowing about how now he's got your money he doesn't give a s*** and neither should... Read more
Published 16 months ago by W. Paul Blakey
5.0 out of 5 stars Black humor at its best
Warning: Reading this book brought on a nightmare where I tango danced with the author surrounded by laughing clowns. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Kim Cano
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More About the Author

Featured in The Wall Street Journal, The Times, and The Chicago Tribune, Russell Blake is the USA Today bestselling author of thirty books, including Fatal Exchange, The Geronimo Breach, Zero Sum, King of Swords, Night of the Assassin, Revenge of the Assassin, Return of the Assassin, Blood of the Assassin, Requiem for the Assassin, The Delphi Chronicle trilogy, The Voynich Cypher, Silver Justice, JET, JET - Ops Files, JET II - Betrayal, JET III - Vengeance, JET IV - Reckoning, JET V - Legacy, JET VI - Justice, JET VII - Sanctuary, Upon A Pale Horse, BLACK, BLACK Is Back, BLACK Is The New Black, and BLACK To Reality.

Non-fiction includes the international bestseller An Angel With Fur (animal biography) and How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (even if drunk, high or incarcerated), a parody of all things writing-related.

Blake is co-author of The Eye of Heaven, with legendary author Clive Cussler, to be released by Penguin in September, 2014. Blake's novel King of Swords has been translated into German by Amazon Crossing, The Voynich Cypher into Bulgarian, and his JET novel into Spanish and German.

Blake writes under the moniker RE Blake in the NA/YA/Contemporary Romance genres.

Having resided in Mexico for a dozen years, Blake enjoys his dogs, fishing, boating, tequila and writing, while battling world domination by clowns. His thoughts, such as they are, can be found at his blog: RussellBlake.com

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