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How to Speak Your Mind - "Become Assertive and Set Limits" [Kindle Edition]

Darlene Lancer MFT
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $3.99

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Book Description

Do you say what you think, express how you feel, and ask for what you want? The way you speak immediately conveys your self-esteem. Nonassertive communication limits your professional success and leads to conflict and problems in relationships. Learning to be assertive actually raises your self-esteem, while benefiting your career, relationships, and sense of well-being.

"How to Speak Your Mind" explains what it means to be assertive, why it's important, and how to achieve it. It details all of the elements of assertive and nonverbal communication and lays out the steps to become assertive, as well as common mistakes to avoid.

Once you learn to be assertive, you're ready to establish boundaries with people. The book explains what it means to have limits and a bottom line and how to determine what yours are. The next section shows you how to go about verbalizing your boundaries in a way that will be effective.

Product Details

  • File Size: 365 KB
  • Print Length: 27 pages
  • Publisher: Carousel Books (October 11, 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B009PFNIR8
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #83,839 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition
Darlene Lancer's e-book, How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits, fills a critical need. Assertiveness is an essential skill for making reasonable requests in relationships and the workplace. It also helps us avoid being pushed, coaxed, and manipulated, or merely saying yes when we would rather say no.

Lancer begins with the critical distinction between assertiveness and aggressiveness. She emphasizes that assertiveness, while firm and positive, is also honest, courteous, and respectful.

The author explores the reasons why many people fear or avoid being assertive. She then explains how, contrary to people's fears, assertiveness benefits one's relationships, job or profession, and personal health.

This book provides abundant detail about the elements of assertiveness. It also offers many specific and practical techniques for effective assertive behavior and communication.

What attracted me to this book was the phrase "Set Limits." Setting boundaries and limits has been among the most important areas of development for me over my adult life. This book affirmed the importance of boundaries and limits, an important reinforcement when I am faced with people who would prefer that I had looser boundaries and fewer limits. It also offered practical and useful advice for setting, communicating, and maintaining boundaries and limits.

I highly recommend this book. Potential benefits include healthier relationships, success in business, and improved emotional health.

Linda Diane
Medical writer
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Quick "Must Read" April 12, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
A very clear and easy to understand guide to understanding how to communicate and set boundaries for yourself. This short read skips the fluff of many other self help books and gets to the point. This is a must read guide for anyone who has struggled with authentic communication or is working through a history of codependency. Follow the manageable steps to being assertive with your communication and setting limits on how others treat you. Eye opening.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Insiteful Content on Becoming Assertive August 24, 2013
By Ivan
Format:Kindle Edition
I purchased this book to gain a better understanding of being assertive, and the price and reviews were exactly what I was seeking.

In the past, I was an aggressive communicator, but in an effort to become a better person (kaizen) I vowed to change. However, without a planned approach ... I've recently become passive-aggressive which has affected the way I communicate, the author is on target with her results to situations. I believe the material in this book will help me create a framework for being a more assertive communicator. Good weekend read
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book August 22, 2013
By Lisa
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book was to the point, direct, quick, and easy to read. It provides some great assertive communication tips.
Great read,hope this helps.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Concise Easy to Read Guide March 6, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
I found this little e-book to be extremely helpful. The author laid out, step-by-step, simple guidelines for speaking directly and simply in conversation and interaction. She goes over why we don't express our feelings and thoughts concisely or directly, then lays out a simple program for change: first spend time observing ourselves, our interactions, when we don't speak our truth. Write these interactions down, then practice. She gives guidelines for practice in concise terms.

Very helpful for better communication in work and intimate relationships.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommend November 1, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Growing up, I did not learn any of these principles. They make do much sense in the way they are laid out in this book. I will be re-reading it several times so it really sinks in. It's going to be a lifelong resource that I keep handy! Many thanks to Darlene Lancer!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars clear, concise text on speaking your mind October 8, 2014
By Jacqui
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I really gained a lot from reading this book and will refer to it often. The list and explanation format works well for the subject matter.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good but lacking April 13, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
There were some good tips on effective non-violent communication in this book. I only wished the author had used some examples to illustrate the points he/she was trying to make. Having the information and applying it is two different things. While I am quite knowledgable in NVC, I am looking for a way to apply that to set boundaries and examine my feelings in a given situation. I think I would have benefited more from examples than a list of facts. Still, the information given would be useful to anyone looking to communicate more effectively.
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More About the Author

Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT is a marriage and family therapist, specializing in relationships and codependency. In her private clinical practice, she has treated individuals and couples for over 27 years. She's a sought after speaker at national conferences, in media, and to professional groups and institutions.

Before becoming a psychotherapist, Ms. Lancer was a successful entertainment lawyer. She also was a Senior Mediator for the Los Angeles Conciliation Court, where she helped families resolve custody and visitation disputes and domestic violence problems.

Her articles have been published widely in professional and popular periodicals. See her Kindle ebooks, "10 Steps to Self-Esteem - The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism," "Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps," "Codependency Recovery Daily Reflections," and "How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits."

Blogs and more information about her seminars and coaching packages are available on her websites, and, where you can get a free report, "14 Tips for Letting Go" You can follow Darlene on Facebook at and Twitter @darlenelancer. Find her also on

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