Customer Reviews

How Not to Stay Single After 40: The Secret to Finding Passion, Love, and Fulfillment--At Last!

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Rather than using the "scare tactics" in "Find a Husband Over 35," Nita Tucker encourages over-40s not to give up, and explores some of the problems particular to this age group. For example, she speaks of how easy it is to get caught in negative beliefs (there are no good men, men only want younger women, there are no good men in my city...) and how easy it is, at an age where you've been hurt or disappointed more than a few times, to just "give up." She also talks about how "shameful" it is in our culture for a woman to admit she "wants a relationship," which is utterly ludicrous. We all know life is more satisfying with love and intimacy rather than without it--what's so embarrassing about that! Plus, "wanting" is not the same thing as "needing," and she certainly does not suggest you put your life on hold. Neither, by the way, does she suggest you settle for anything less than someone you truly love and with whom you have CHEMISTRY. (None of this, OK, you're over 40, so take-whomever-you-can-get nonsense...) She certainly does acknowledge our culture's obsession with youth and beauty and addresses that issue realistically, but bluntly. She even feels that if losing weight and a few "nips and tucks" make you feel better about yourself, go for it. (Her bottom line, though, is feeling good about yourself.) I felt I had to write this review after reading another which stated this book offered nothing useful. I'm a psychotherapist, and I strongly disagree. Single women over 40 need encouragement. There are too many naysayers out there. All men are not "jerks" or "sexist pigs," and if you think so, you probably have issues best dealt with in therapy. Finally, Tucker speaks of the importance of not taking rejection personally. This is CRUCIAL, I feel, especially when doing online dating. Not everyone will like you or be attracted to you--that simply means that person is not the right one for you. It's not a statement of your worth. Letting a perfect stranger's (or someone you've met once) lack of interest get you down will definitely cause you to become increasingly hopeless. Looking at it as a way to find the right mate for you is a much more fruitful way to approach the topic. If you want to spend your Sundays in bed with a good book by yourself, that's certainly a fine choice. But if you'd like to wake up next to your honey and spend the day in bed with him, buy this book.

I am 45 years old, I am a successful business woman, and really want to find a loving relationship now. I was hoping this book could give me some tips on how to really make this happen. While the author seems like a nice person, she really didn't have much practical advice. The book is filled with generic platitudes such as "Go for the real thing," "Know and like yourself," "Work on your self-esteem" and "Maintain your sense of self." I was really looking for a practical, go-get-it approach, with specific "how to" tips, so this book was a disappointment.

Using psychology tactics aimed at single women over 40, author, Nita Tucker delivers the goods to help women to find not just a date but indeed lasting love and passion for their relationships. Fans of Dr. Pat Allen will recognize the influence for the title of the last chapter in Getting to 'I Do' because of course, Ms. Tucker is staying current with other psychological works on dating, romance, and relationships, and is herself married. (I'm guessing Dr. Allen is the "Pat" being thanked in the acknowledgments section.)

I have to say my favorite sections were Chapters 6: Get Out and Date, as well as Chapter 7: You Don't Know Jack About Your Type. Some of what is most important at any age is go out on many dates, to keep an open mind for not just whom will you love, but who will TREAT you in a loving manner, cherishing you passionately, like we all deserve, right? And the issue of TYPE is so important, because often in our 20s and 30s, we have this IMAGE in our mind of what will mesh well with us in a love marriage relationship.

And they.... well, that's not actually what serves us best for a passionate and fulfilling relationship. Secondarily, in our 40s, the relationship which would be fulfilling for us with our more developed career lives are not what we wanted in our 20s. So Ms. Tucker's nudging single women to keep and open mind and go on more dates while it "sounds" simplistic is in actuality quite effective when single implement them consistently over time.

Buy it, Read it, Implement it, and who knows where you will be this time next year? Perhaps with your sweetheart....

I like the focus on liking yourself and living your life first, but felt the concession to America's obsession with thinness and youthfulness greatly diminished this. Suggesting that we may need a little surgery or a diet to appeal to more men almost made me stop reading the rest of the book. Luckily it was a fast read and I appreciated some of the insights from her own relationships and how men look at committment. The part on past patterns was good, but review for me-that's what I've been examining in my last year of non-dating.

I'm going to "chew the grass and spit out the sticks" with this one. My positive attitude includes eating healthy, keeping fit but not obsessing about a number on a scale; practicing good skincare and hair care but no make-up. Since most people think I'm 30-something when I'm actually 47, it's good enough for me.

Nita gives us concise, candid, on-target advice, with several memorable and profound nuggets that will get your head straight about dating and forming a relationship. This is a great, get-moving guide!