How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide For Adults [Paperback]

Lois F. Akner (Author), Catherine Whitney (Contributor)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 29, 1994

Many people who usually function well are thrown for a loop when a parent dies. They're surprised at the complex feelings of love, loss, anger, and guilt, and at the unresolved issues that emerge. Therapist Lois Akner explains why the loss of a parent is different from other losses and, using examples from her experience, shows how it is possible to work through the grief.

Anyone who is going through or trying to prepare for this natural, normal, inevitable loss will find How to Survive the Loss of a Parent a powerful, healing message.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Written for adults who are mourning the loss of a parent, this book attempts to help survivors understand how the parental relationship influenced other aspects of their lives. Drawing from her work as a bereavement counselor, Akner depicts the experience of 12 mourners meeting for a six-week workshop. Each begins the workshop feeling he or she is having difficulty dealing with the loss. Working through a series of exercises and "homework" assignments designed to help them discuss, question, and understand the role that deceased played in their lives, many--though not all--begin to move on from the feelings that were keeping them stuck in their grief. This well-written book will be of value to most public libraries.
- Bonnie Hoffman, Stony Brook, N.Y.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Lois F. Anker, C.S.W., is a psychothearpist specializing in family counseling. She lives and works in New York City.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks (November 29, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0688137911
• ISBN-13: 978-0688137915
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #373,000 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent easy to read book for anyone who has lost a parent, July 7, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide For Adults (Paperback)

This book has helped me with the thoughts and feelings I've had since my parents death to see that those feelings are normal. This is the next best thing to actually going to a support group. I highly recommend this book, in fact, I just bought one for a friend of mine who lost her mother a month after my mother died.

19 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars The author conducts a class of survivers of lost parents., April 26, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide For Adults (Paperback)

My mother died April 7, 1998. Compelled by the need to understand what I was going through, I bought the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Parent". The beginning of this book is kind of slow. The author first interviews each person in her class who has lost a parent. Then in their first meeting, each person in the class tells "their story" of why they are in this councelling class and how and why they lost their parent(s). The deception of the title is misleading. It doesn't offer very much comfort in the way I was feeling, why I was feeling that way or how to "Survive the Loss of my Parent". The book goes on throughout the 6 meetings. And even has some follow up letters from the students. This book might help with some of the similar instances of how your parent died, and maybe offer some suggestions, but overall, I didn't find it very helpful. At the most it took my mind off of my mothers death, but then, so would a good movie.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars There Are NO Easy Answers to Grief, November 16, 2005

By 

Beth Botsis (Northern Virginia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide For Adults (Paperback)

I was a bit disappointed as I read some of the other reviews. I believe the reviewers missed the point and by doing so, missed out on benefitting from the book. Grief is a process and there are no short cuts. I believe that's the author's main point when she tells her counselees that the group won't necessarily bring them relief. The point of the group, and the book about it, is that you are not alone. There are others out there who understand the kind of pain you're going through, because they're experiencing that kind of pain too. No book is going to take that process away. Every person grieves differently, as this book demonstrates, but we must all experience it in our own way. For some of us that means there WILL be long, sleepless nights of endless tears, days when you can't get motivated (or weeks, or months??) and you lose interest in things that once were important to you, or perhaps you're one who just goes numb and can't seem to snap out of it, etc. There will also be some family relationships that change either temporarily or, in many cases, permanently (see the other book recommended below which has a chapter about just this), and some families where feuds over wills and trusts may break out. Such is human nature. There are no quick fixes (This is why it's so important for us all to be wise and have our estate planning as complete, specific and in order as possible before we die, so our families don't have anything to fight about!). The benefit of a book like this which takes you through a group grief counseling session, is two-fold: 1) You can identify with some of the things that the people in the group have gone through and find comfort in knowing you're "normal" at a time when things, frankly, don't feel like they'll ever be "normal" again, and 2) If you're willing to do so, you can use the same exercises the author takes her counsellees through and do them for yourself. Though doing the exercises won't necessarily take away the pain of grieving, you may very well come to some deeper understanding and acceptance. This book was one on a list recommended to me by the hospice counselor recently when my mom died. It's the second from the list that I've read and I'm pleased to find that it's very different from the other (Also an excellent book which I would strongly recommend for a different approach: "When Parents Die" by Edward Myers). Just as we all grieve differently, we probably have different needs for comfort. I hope some who didn't find the help they were seeking here will give Mr. Myers' book a read.