Customer Reviews

How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide For Adults

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book has helped me with the thoughts and feelings I've had since my parents death to see that those feelings are normal. This is the next best thing to actually going to a support group. I highly recommend this book, in fact, I just bought one for a friend of mine who lost her mother a month after my mother died.

My mother died April 7, 1998. Compelled by the need to understand what I was going through, I bought the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Parent". The beginning of this book is kind of slow. The author first interviews each person in her class who has lost a parent. Then in their first meeting, each person in the class tells "their story" of why they are in this councelling class and how and why they lost their parent(s). The deception of the title is misleading. It doesn't offer very much comfort in the way I was feeling, why I was feeling that way or how to "Survive the Loss of my Parent". The book goes on throughout the 6 meetings. And even has some follow up letters from the students. This book might help with some of the similar instances of how your parent died, and maybe offer some suggestions, but overall, I didn't find it very helpful. At the most it took my mind off of my mothers death, but then, so would a good movie.

I was a bit disappointed as I read some of the other reviews. I believe the reviewers missed the point and by doing so, missed out on benefitting from the book. Grief is a process and there are no short cuts. I believe that's the author's main point when she tells her counselees that the group won't necessarily bring them relief. The point of the group, and the book about it, is that you are not alone. There are others out there who understand the kind of pain you're going through, because they're experiencing that kind of pain too. No book is going to take that process away. Every person grieves differently, as this book demonstrates, but we must all experience it in our own way. For some of us that means there WILL be long, sleepless nights of endless tears, days when you can't get motivated (or weeks, or months??) and you lose interest in things that once were important to you, or perhaps you're one who just goes numb and can't seem to snap out of it, etc. There will also be some family relationships that change either temporarily or, in many cases, permanently (see the other book recommended below which has a chapter about just this), and some families where feuds over wills and trusts may break out. Such is human nature. There are no quick fixes (This is why it's so important for us all to be wise and have our estate planning as complete, specific and in order as possible before we die, so our families don't have anything to fight about!). The benefit of a book like this which takes you through a group grief counseling session, is two-fold: 1) You can identify with some of the things that the people in the group have gone through and find comfort in knowing you're "normal" at a time when things, frankly, don't feel like they'll ever be "normal" again, and 2) If you're willing to do so, you can use the same exercises the author takes her counsellees through and do them for yourself. Though doing the exercises won't necessarily take away the pain of grieving, you may very well come to some deeper understanding and acceptance. This book was one on a list recommended to me by the hospice counselor recently when my mom died. It's the second from the list that I've read and I'm pleased to find that it's very different from the other (Also an excellent book which I would strongly recommend for a different approach: "When Parents Die" by Edward Myers). Just as we all grieve differently, we probably have different needs for comfort. I hope some who didn't find the help they were seeking here will give Mr. Myers' book a read.

This was the first book that I bought after my father died. At this writing, I'm a 28 year old female with a surviving mother and brother. My mother was the one to go to group councelling, but being a private person, I felt otherwise and sought solice in a book. Boy, did I end up in a "group" with this book. Basically, the book is pretty much written about a group going through "death therapy" and all of their different experiences and reactions. Granted, I could relate with some of them and discovered that some reactions of my own and my family was normal, but the frustrating thing was trying to understand how to handle them. I kept saying to myself: "Okay, I know that's happening, but what do I do?" In other words, I unfortunately did not find much comfort within this book as it really gave me no answers. Whereas the author claims to her group in the beginning: "You're coming into this group, but don't expect results" seems like a cop-out. Why on earth did I buy this book if I wasn't looking for answers? Isn't that the point? Unfortunately, it read like snippets of novels about these people's lives and really didn't give much more information than what they were going through. It was only until the last chapter (roughly 10 pages out of 236 to be precise, that the author gives 10 paragraphs on how to handle a loss. Then why did it take 226 to get to what I wanted?) I was uncomfortable with the book from the beginning. In fact, throughout most of the book I found it unbearable. Reading the tragic things these people went through really did nothing but depress me. Whether it was reading on how they were fighting, or sleepless nights crying or how family feuds got downright nasty over inheritance, it took me six months to get through the whole thing. I was seeking comfort -- not looking for people "just like me." It seemed more of a pity party than help. I wanted to make progress, not reflect on anger and sadness. I don't recommend this book if you've recently suffered a loss. I'm afraid that it didn't give much comfort to me and I will probably toss my copy. It's not very spiritual, and I found it more to tout how great the author was as a psychologist than a genuine benefit to the bereaved. I recommend you shop around or seek out councelling through your funeral home or church (either or usually know of support groups.) This book really didn't do much for me at all and I won't be recommending it.

Although not as good as Therese Rando's HOW TO GO ON LIVING WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES, this is good in presenting a wide variety of responses to the death of a parent. I think a key here is recognizing that there is not just one "proper" response to the death of a parent, but that a wide variety of responses are possible and appropriate. The format of a therapy group allows the presentation of different responses and different weays of working through grief. I think the reviewer from Hawaii who criticzed this book was looking too much for something to mirror her own experiences, instead of accepting this simply as the presentation of a range of exeperiences none of which may necessarily mirror what one feels oneself. As with the book by Rando, I found this most useful simply because it said to me that I shouldn't necessarily have the same experiences others would have or have had.

I agree with the other reviewers, especially in that it does not spend a lot of time providing "answers"; the title is definitely misleading. A far better and more sensitive book is by Alexander Levy, "The Orphaned Adult". Please read it even if if you have a surviving parent.

I just finished reading this book. While it did not pertain too much to me being an only child, it did make me realize that a lot of my thoughts are normal. That alone helps some.

Having lost both my parents in the span of the last three years, this book touched on many important points on the stuff you really go through. It's not the answer but is useful in giving a general roadmap and tools of recovering from what is without a doubt the toughest experience in life.

This book is a good place to start. It makes one look at things in a different light. It gives many examples. The book has given direction to my greif. I wish it had more to it. That was the only reason I did not give it a 5 star rating.

This book is very well written and easy to read. It describes a typical grief support group that the author leads, and through the group members' stories, shows us various ways we may be feeling or grieving our parent's death. Some are grieving the loss of a mother or father who just died, and some are still dealing with feelings from such a loss from years before. I think that this book would be especially helpful for those of us who have "unfinished business" with the mother or father who has died - things left unsaid, guilt over behavior that might have been hurtful, problems with surviving siblings or parent, and so on. The author offers us a unique perspective on how to get past that kind of hindrance and come to peace with the loss