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How to Survive Your Own Gay Life: An Adult Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships
 
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How to Survive Your Own Gay Life: An Adult Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships [Paperback]

Perry Brass (Author), Tom Laine (Editor)
3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In this "adult guide to love, sex, and relationships," Perry Brass reminds us that the most successful romantic life comes from living an authentic one. Consequently, he says, gay men need to be honest with each other--and, more importantly, with themselves--about their emotional and sexual intentions. You don't need professional counseling to achieve this honesty; if anything, Brass argues, "gay men have become too attached to therapy--and to their relationships with their therapists." Instead of promoting falsely intimate, "nurturing" relationships that allow continued avoidance of one's problems, Brass advocates confronting your issues--particularly internalized homophobia--directly and consistently. Whether he's encouraging gay men to reject commercialized erotica in favor of their own imaginations or making a case for distinguishing between your lover and your best friend, Brass lays his argument out in a straightforward, provocative style that should inspire every reader to make some changes in his life. --Ron Hogan

Review

Everybody has a philosophy, in this ancient and noble sense of the word. But few writers have Mr. Brass's credentials. Author of numerous works of poetry and science fiction, he's also been involved with gay liberation and health institutions since their inception. So he knows a little something about survival, and it shows. Mr. Brass's lovely phrase for the special contributions we make is "the gay work." The gay work involves, for example, open friendliess to strangers, in contrast to the paranoid insularity of general urban experience and the ever-beleagered Great American Family. The gay work includes "celebrating male beauty," which in Mr. Brass's vision, is somewhat closer to understanding Whitman's poetry than to subscribing to the Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue I may find so much of this book appealing because its author is my peer in age. But is it possible it's also because he's wise? Maybe its because he suggests queerness might authentically have something to do with living by your own rules, not fulfilling either a clinical or political set of criteria. How to Survive Your Own Gay Life is a book that looks forward, not backward. -- Bernard Welt writing in Lambda Book Report, November, 1998

Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Belhue Press; 1st edition (August 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0962712396
  • ISBN-13: 978-0962712395
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,480,504 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Originally from Savannah, Georgia, Perry Brass grew up, in the nineteen fifties and sixties, in equal parts Southern, Jewish, economically impoverished, and very much gay. To escape the South's violent homophobia, he hitchhiked at age 17 from Savannah to San Francisco--an adventure, he recalls, that was "like Mark Twain with drag queens." As a young man he worked as a male artist's model, on the floor of an aircraft factory, and, in the "Mad Men" period of anything-goes-advertising, in Madison Avenue art departments.
He's published 15 books and been a finalist six times in 3 categories (poetry; gay science fiction and fantasy; spirituality and religion) for Lambda Literary Awards, as well as winning numerous awards for his poetry, plays, fiction, and other writings. His work is unique in that it combines frank depictions of human sexuality, deep spiritual values, political acumen and insight, and often outrageous humor. This has given him a small but devoted readership that doesn't pigeonhole itself or his writing.
He has been involved in the gay rights movement since November of 1969, soon after the Stonewall Rebellion, when he co-edited "Come Out!," the world's first gay liberation newspaper.
Later, in 1972, with two friends he started the Gay Men's Health Project Clinic, the first clinic for gay men on the East Coast, still surviving as New York's Callen-Lourde Clinic. In 1984, his play "Night Chills," one of the first plays to deal with the AIDS crisis, won a Jane Chambers International Gay Playwriting Award.
As a poet, Brass's collaborations with composers include the words for the much-performed "All the Way Through Evening," a haunting cycle of five songs evoking the tragedies of the AIDS epidemic, set by the late young Chris DeBlasio; "The Angel Voices of Men" set by Ricky Ian Gordon, commissioned by the Dick Cable Fund for the New York City Gay Men's Chorus which premiered it at Carnegie Hall and featured it on its "Gay Century Songbook" CD; "Three Brass Songs," with famed composer-pianist Fred Hersch; and "The Restless Yearning Towards My Self," with New York City Opera composer Paula Kimper.
He is currently treasurer of the Greater New York Independent Publishers Association, and Co-Director of New York's Rainbow Book Fair, the only book fair and cultural conference in the U.S. solely devoted to the books of LGBT authors and publishers. He directs the publication of books through Belhue Press, an independent gay press.

Perry Brass is an accomplished reader and an internationally recognized voice on gender subjects, gay relationships, and the history and literature of the movement towards glbt equality. He lives in the Riverdale section of "da Bronx" with his partner of 28 years, but can cross bridges to other parts of America without a passport.


 

Customer Reviews

8 Reviews
5 star:
 (4)
4 star:
 (1)
3 star:    (0)
2 star:
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1 star:    (0)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
3.8 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening and Evocative, May 13, 2010
This review is from: How to Survive Your Own Gay Life: An Adult Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships (Paperback)
Long story short, I picked up this book at the A Different Light Books in NYC (R.I.P.) for my partner at the time who was dealing with coming out of the closet at the age of 38yrld. I read it right away, and although I had been out since I was 19yr it really made an impression on me. Even though I had a been out for some years at the time Perry's book still taught me a lot about coping with all the adversity of being gay, coming out to family, friends etc. His experiences with his southern/religious upbringing struck a note with me because my partner at the time was dealing with a similar situation with his family and friends. Perry's whit and prose of such a complicated issue in many gay mens lives is charming and enlightening. I recommend this book to any gay man, no matter if you've been out of the closet for years or fresh off the truck. I was so moved by the book that I had contacted Perry and we've been friends ever since. What young gay men need most in their lives are mentors like Perry, if it wasnt for mentors in my life (since I came out in 92) I wouldnt be the man I am today. How To Survive Your Own Gay Life is a great read.
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4 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars a wise meditation on surviving as a gay man in hostile times, November 20, 1998
By 
alanoakley@aol.com (San Francisco, California) - See all my reviews
This review is from: How to Survive Your Own Gay Life: An Adult Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships (Paperback)
This is a beautifully written book addressing the problems gay man have living today. Perry Brass is wise and cares enormously about gay men and wants us to have more fully realized and happy lives. Perry offers many practical suggestions on how to cope with life today and how to make our lives better. He covers many aspects of our lives, including relationships and anti-gay violence on the streets and in the workplace. This is a very readable book many gay men will find useful and touching to read. I highly recommend reading this lovely gift to our community
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Brass never brighter..., January 12, 2002
This review is from: How to Survive Your Own Gay Life: An Adult Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships (Paperback)
Perry Brass has his lighthouse of gay orientations on full blast, and everyone is going to see some light. Here are one gay man's uninhibited, intuitive, sensitive and spiritual ideas superimposed over gay life as most experience it. In purely intentional and non-abrasive ways Perry Brass willingly becomes your new best friend for the length of the read, and encourages all who "listen" openly, to spend time reinventing themselves in positive, meaningful ,surprizing and lasting ways. This is the book that convinced me I was my own best friend.

If you are depressed, this is a fine place to rest.

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