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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk [Paperback]

Adele Faber , Elaine Mazlish
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (775 customer reviews)


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Book Description

October 5, 1999

You Can Stop Fighting With Your Chidren!

Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know–how you need to be more effective with your children and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down–to–earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.

Their methods of communication, illustrated with delightful cartoons showing the skills in action, offer innovative ways to solve common problems.



Editorial Reviews

Review

An exceptional work, not simply just another 'how to' bookAll parents can use these methods to improve the everyday quality of their relationships with their children. -- Fort Worth Star Telegram

"Designed to bring adults to the level of children, and children to the level of adults, so that this happy meeting ground can truly make for harmony in the home." -- Los Angeles Times

"Faber and Mazlish are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation." -- Parent Magazine

"Practical, sensible, lucid the approaches Faber and Mazlish lay out are so logical you wonder why you read them with such a burst of discovery." -- Family Journal

"The parenting bible." -- Boston Globe

"Will bring about more cooperation from children than all the yelling and pleading in the world." -- Christian Science Monitor

About the Author

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed, award-winning experts on adult-child communication. Both lecture nationwide, and their group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 286 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial; 20 edition (October 5, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0380811960
  • ISBN-13: 978-0380811960
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (775 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,256 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1,119 of 1,148 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not Just Kids! How to talk to Anybody! March 28, 1998
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
A therapist recommended this book to me when my son was 4 years old and I was going though a difficult divorce. I read the book and actually photocopied the basic ideas of each chapter and taped them to the refrigerator for easy reference. The ideas are simple and effective. They build self-esteem and keep the avenues of communication open between parent and child. My son is now almost 18, and we still have a terrific relationship. I've been following the practices in this book for 14 years and I can tell you it has made all the difference. Wherever my son goes, I hear from people who tell me how wonderful he is, how well-mannered, pleasant and charming. They all want to know what ever did I do to raise him this way. I tell them about this book. The more I move through life and the business world, however, I am struck how the same techniques enhance communication between adults in all aspects of life. This book should also be listed in the Business/Management section. It says all the same things the high-priced consultants say -- treat people with respect, do not deny their emotions, state the facts (only) and shut up and listen. This book also talks about giving praise and recognition, which makes it another reason to use it in real life, inside the family AND outside in the "real" world.
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745 of 795 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
As a preschool teacher and parent, I found this book to be the major influence in forming my communication style with children. In fact, this book has given me the skills to communicate more effectively with everyone... my friends, my husband, my boss, and even my mother-in-law! When I changed my approach in how I spoke to them, they often changed their behavior. The logical, respectful strategies really work! My only criticism is that the format of the chapters does not always fascilitate quick 're-read' referral. For example, when I recently wanted to quickly look up a whining, or biting, or mealtime strategy for three of my preschoolers, I became frustrated and confused as to where in the book I had seen the information. These topics were not listed in the index and I began to flip through the pages trying to find the stories and suggestions that I thought I remembered seeing somewhere. Therefore, I would also like to recommend another wonderful new book with the very same philosophy that is organized differently...for quick use on the spot for very busy parents. THE POCKET PARENT is literally a pocket-sized A-Z guide exclusively written for parents and teacher of preschoolers (2's, 3's, 4's, & 5's). It is loaded with hundreds of easy to find quick-read bullet answers (called 'sanity savers') to 40 common behavior problems of 2- to 5-year-olds. I recommend these two books for every mom and dad with a 2- to 5-year-old. Both books are permissive with feelings, but strict with behavior while preserving the dignity of both parent and child. Both books are full of humor and compassion from authors that have 'been there,' too. For help on the spot as well as long term understanding ...keep both books handy!
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181 of 196 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars My four children and I are much happier now! February 1, 2006
Format:Paperback
My husband bought this book when our oldest child was 10. We realized we weren't communicating well and were frightened that we would lose our relationship altogether when she hit her teenage years. Well, the book was a godsend. The authors basically teach you how to treat your child like a capable and worthy person, when you may be treating them as irresponsible, unimportant, or unlikeable. They first convince you to stop criticizing your children for what they think or feel, and to acknowledge how they might be feeling when they tell things to you. I know this sounds touchy-feely, but acknowledging feelings doesn't mean giving your kids any leeway in their behavior. For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed in our house." or, "He's too young to understand how special those are to you, so how can we keep your things safe?" You let your child know you are paying attention to how they feel, BEFORE you focus on solving the problem.

The second thing they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior, and not about the child. Instead of "Get your homework! You always forget things!" you just say, "Homework needs to go to school with you."

One thing we had a problem with at first is that the authors do not support time-outs. We had always been big believers in consequences for behavior, and had relatively well-behaved children with the time-out method. Well, we gave it a try, and were amazed. We found that we were fully able to correct our children's behaviors without time-out at all. And in fact, they were happier and less disobedient in general when they weren't constantly being sent away from the family in disgrace.
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355 of 400 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good book, but not as thorough as should be May 22, 2001
Format:Paperback
I just read this book and -- though it it's right on the money in its attitude towards childrearing -- it doesn't describe the mechanics of how the "listening" and "talking" skills work as well as Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.). P.E.T. has a chapter called How to Listen so Children Will Talk and another called How to Talk so Children Will Listen. I wonder how the autors of this book got away with borrowing the title for their book straight out of some chapters in another (the original P.E.T. was published years before -- the one at stores now is a new edition).
Lest it sound like I'm slamming this book, truth is it's not a bad read at all. But for an in-depth explanation of how these skills can be put to daily use, I'd go for P.E.T. Better yet, read both.
Even better yet, first read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman to get an idea WHY these skills are so important to a child's development, then follow it up with P.E.T. and this book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Investment
Extremely good book. Very easy read with useful information for life, not just for kids.
Published 19 hours ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book with Practical Strategies
As a new mom and as a teacher of high school kids, I found this book very helpful. It's main premise is empathy and learning how to listen to kids in order to help them understand... Read more
Published 1 day ago by Krista Anthony
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Buy!!!
Would recommend this book to any parent out there that has young children at home. Many great techniques on parenting that are very effective. Read more
Published 2 days ago by Arnold
5.0 out of 5 stars New condition & super quick shipping
Very well stated and helpful for anyone who works with kids! New condition & super quick shipping.
Published 5 days ago by Susan Cancilla
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Easy to read and insightful.
Published 5 days ago by Paul K.
5.0 out of 5 stars Just What I Needed
I realized that I don't have the skills to talk to my kids because my own relationship with my parents is lacking. Read more
Published 6 days ago by Ann Gonzalez
5.0 out of 5 stars awesome
I feel a bit sheepish admitting that I've gotten parenthood ALL WRONG for the past 4 years. This book is a real eye-opener, and I hope I can unravel some if the angst I've created. Read more
Published 7 days ago by Andrew Chan
5.0 out of 5 stars I have recommended it to others multiple times
I encountered this book when my children were pre-adolescent. it helped me more than any other single thing. As a therapist, I have recommended it to others multiple times. Read more
Published 7 days ago by Diane McPhail
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
best book ever! really helps! A MUST READ!
Published 10 days ago by Dowager Countess
5.0 out of 5 stars Love this book
Love this book. Really helpful, common sense parenting approach. I need a refresher because hard to remember the practices in the day-to-day thick of things. Read more
Published 10 days ago by Shomari Gallagher
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Welcome to the Talk So Kids Will Listen forum
I bought the Happy Child Guide and I've been having excellent results so far (from myparentingbooks.com). I bought The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (Revised and Updated Edition) and it was great when my son was still little. Read More
Apr 27, 2011 by M. Corsi |  See all 3 posts
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