Customer Reviews

How Do We Tell the Children?: A Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children Cope When Someone Dies, Third Edition

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3 star:		(1)
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This book has excellent information about what children at each stage of development are likely to think and feel about the death of someone close to them. However, the suggested ways of dealing with those feelings were somewhat limited, and allowed little flexibility for differing family circumstances. For example, the book is extremely critical of ways religious families may choose to explain death to children, claiming that many religiously based explanations may lead a child to believe the person may be coming back someday. The book also asserts that a closed casket is the ultimate form of denial of the death, and that even young children should attend funerals. Many recommendations, like the three mentioned above, might or might not be right for a family trying to cope with a death. Overall a good resource for understanding a child's possible perceptions, but not so good for determining how to address them.

This is a clearly written book by a funeral director and psychologist. It provides helpful suggestions to parents and caregivers on how to inform children of death in many different situations. It respects the child's need to know what has happened in a way that is appropriate for his or her age. It discusses listening to children's thoughts and feelings and addressing common misperceptions. There is an excellent quick reference crisis section at the end of the book that clearly outlines various kinds of deaths, suggestions as to how to explain them to children in different age groups, and how to prepare them for what comes next. This is an excellent book to guide parents whose own grief may be interfering with their thinking about how to help their children. As a grief counselor at the Barr-Harris Children's Grief Center, I highly recommend it.

With a terminally ill grandparent, we wanted to prepare our 6-year-old son for his first loss of a loved one. This book is very helpful. It includes anecdotes & conversations as experienced by a funeral director. You learn what can work & what doesn't work.

Another reviewer commented that it doesn't address religious aspect of death, and that is true. However, it emphasizes laying the groundwork on the physical & literal nature of death: a body that stops working. Since young children are so literal, they need to know what happens to the body when it dies. The book is very clear on explaining things that concern children, such as the body being in a box, where it won't get dirt on it when it's buried. Things that might seem obvious to an adult are not to a child. The author also stresses giving children choices on their involvement and preparing them very well if they choose to attend the funeral home, etc. A lot of what is covered is to ensure the respect and inclusion of children in the family support system and grieving process.

Now that I've read this book, I am much more comfortable having these conversations with my son. I don't want to lie to him. I want to continue with explanations that make sense to him, and that include him in our family's grief. Once he understands what death is, literally, I am comfortable explaining Heaven and the spiritual aspect that goes along with death, for our family. I don't want him to think that the funeral home is Heaven (as was the case with a family the author worked with).

I definitely recommend this book.

This book is excellent for Pastors, counselors, and family members couping with death. Children need to be prepared when a grandparent, friend, neighbor, classmate, pet, and even the national news. Good source of information.