Customer Reviews

How to Win Any Argument: Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

Having previewed the back cover, and seeing the rave reviews from Cuba Gooding Jr. and Entertainment Today, for a book on arguing, I should have known better.

As an MBA student from the Wharton School, I figured it would be good to brush up on some soft skills, but I found this book difficult to follow, and the advice impractical and irrelevant. As you read this book, paragraph by paragraph, there is absolutely no flow or coherence to the points the author is trying to make. Each paragraph is a mini-rant in and of itself; like a random stream of consciousness that has no connection to the paragraph before it, or the paragraph after it. I was frustrated reading through this book, but since I dropped 12 bucks on it, I figured there woudl be some A-HA moment, a treasured insight, that would redeem this mess of a book. I didn't find it unfortunately, and I'd recommend that you not waste your time reading this book; it's several hours of my life I'll never get back.

It would be nice to recommend this book to everyone, because the world would be a better place if everyone either: A) played by these rules when arguing, or B) used these techniques when people were trying to persuade them. Anybody can learn these methods, which range from recommendations to stay calm to suggestions on shaping your message according to context. All are useful and presented in clear principles and vivid illustrations. However, getting most opponents to accept these rules would be nearly impossible. Robert Mayer is an attorney, but if you suppose (given the stereotype about wily lawyers) that he adds in some manipulative, tactical tricks, the weakness in his book is actually the opposite. Mayer mostly discusses ethical arguments, seeks win-win outcomes and seems to assume that you'll always be arguing with upright people. Because of this, he focuses on crafting your message - and does a superior job - but essentially doesn't touch on how to deal with abusive situations, entrenched irrationality, or simple threats and lying. We recommend this book with a drop of cynical caution: if you are naïve anyway, and must argue, also get some tougher, more wary advice. You may still wonder How to Win Any Argument if you end up opposing someone who is determined to win at any cost.

He touches on some important and valid concepts, but the organization is poor and areas where I wanted more information I had to look up in google. If he had references in his book it would have been better and I would have probably given it a higher score. He touches on concepts from influence and persuasion, psychology, social psychology and argumentation theory, but doesn't get detailed enough to make an impression that will stick. And his recommendation from Larry King is a blatant 'appeal to authority' taking the inappropriate path of influence described by the 'elaboration-likelihood model' of persuasion. Considering we all sought and purchased this book would mean we have more than a superficial interest in it and the other elaboration likelihood path would have been more appropriate.

This book is so bad, it inspired me to write a review to warn you not to buy it! I read many books, and this has to be one of the worst written books I have ever read. Maybe the information inside is understandable to someone buzzed on cocaine or with an attention-deficit disorder, but the book is so poorly written that I get angry that 1) it was ever allowed to be published, and 2) I wasted my money on it. Let me explain:

The author, I take it, is a motivational speaker who conducts "seminars and workshops" and is therefore full of little anecdotes about many things. Instead of actually explaining his point well, he strings together a series of anecdotes (with no connecting paragraphs) about some topic and hopes that that will suffice instead of explaining what he means to say.

Typical example:
Chapter 2 "Construct a Consent Zone" ["what is a consent zone?" you ask?]

Anecdote 1: story about author in Navy and how he misjudged how to speak to the other seamen he was in charge of.

String of "flash" anecdotes 1: marketing, what to call dating, rap video for Mastercard, MXG [no, I don't what it is, either...], Toyota, nose picking, Ricky Ricardo, Century City office space, TV history, cosmetics in department stores, Alex the hypochondriac, El Cortez Hotel, story about smart guy gone wrong...

Anecdote 2: author's first boss and how she had a passion for selling her products.

Name dropping section 1: Dodi Fayed...

[At this point, he still has not explained what a consent zone is or how to create one.]

Inset information 1: "3 Kissie Rules" about how not to "brown-nose" too much.

Inset information 2: Consent Zone Alert [AH! Here we go!...] a list of 6 rules about what do to [to create a consent zone? while in the consent zone? We don't know.] Followed by a few useful examples.

Name dropping section 2: Arnold Schwarzenegger's apology and 2 other examples of apologies.

Chapter Summary: "Construct a Consent Zone" [yes, that is a direct quote!] followed by such vague statements as "Winners set a winning climate."

So, what have we learned? A bunch of little stories, some of which seem to be related to constructing a "consent zone"--whatever that is. Basically, the author justs wants to say "don't make people mad (or speak inappropriately to them) at first so they will be more receptive to your ideas" but he took 14 pages to say it.

Robert Mayer may be a great public speaker, but he is an awful writer, and Career Press should be ashamed for publishing this waste of paper. They should also fire the editor in charge of this, if there was an editor. There may be a gem or two hidden somewhere in here, but with no road map like cohesive paragraphs and a cohesive argument, it is a frustrating endeavor to try and find them.

I found this book infuriating to read and ultimately a fruitless effort. I was really attracted to the title and after reading the table of contents was looking forward to reading the book. To my increasing disappointment it just turned to be full of anecdotes and platitudes. Though each chapter always started out with a nice descriptive framework, it inevitably, rapidly descended into slighly disconnectd and distractive anecdotes. Halfway through the book I finally gave up, which is incredibly rare for me as I almost always finish a book no matter how bad.

This book is just a listing of famous people and how the author knows them.

It would have been fine as an autobiography - but not as a book under the title given. The chapter titles don't make any sense at all and the stories have no connection to them anyway. I don't think it sensible to take advice on argument from someone who can't even maintain a basic logical premise in a paragraph.

I am a new lawyer who just read Robert Mayer's book, How To Win Any Argument Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming To Blows.

This is a five star, must have book for any young negotiator!

Law schools do a great job of teaching the law, but they fail to teach the skills necessary to persuade a variety of people. Mayer's book teaches how to make compelling and convincing arguments to support your position no matter who your audience is in a simple, no-nonsense way.

As a lawyer, I deal with hostile and agressive lawyers attmepting to argue with me in an "in-your-face" way. Before this book, such tactics would distress me. But the book's tactics for bringing an attack to a screeching halt really work! Mayer's suggestions for creating a "consent zone" have really helped me communicate with opposing counsel by making them willing to listen to what I have to say.

I have a number of friends who are also recent law school graduates and have told them about the chapter on how to write a great argument. They agree with me that How To Win Any Argument should be required law school reading.

Like most young associates, I get overwhelmed from time to time with the work load. I start looking for paths that are highly efficient. But what the book taught me is that what is efficient may not alwys be effective. For instance, although email is efficient, it is extremely difficult to win an argument or state a position without a personal connection with the other party. It lacks the personal touch necessary to create trust. It is the relationship that opens the ears of an opponent, not the words themselves.

Finally, this book details one of the most important issues for any young lawyer in her first job... how to get a RAISE!! I plan to use his tactics to not only ask for, but receive, a bump in salary! If Mayer's tips on how to get a raise work as well as everything else in his book, I'm sure to get it!

This books has useless information. I was hoping for an outlined way to win arguements or a step by step plan. This book had no such information. The title is deceiving. Don't waste your time.

A friend recommended "How To Win Any Argument" to me because every day I make written proposals to potential customers for my custom design quilt manufacturing business. In the past, I always wrote proposals by singing the praises of our company, then talking about what it is I am proposing followed by pricing schedules, delivery dates, and terms.

I never stopped to consider that my proposal is really an argument as to why we are the best company for the job, whether the job is big or small. Because the reality is I'm making an argument, my proposals now track Bob Mayer's format that writing in a way that is very compelling and readable. I have also used his "persuasion" tips in writing our new flyers and brochures.

It's been three months since I started using the book's techniques and I'm convinced that we are getting more business from our mailers and that a much greater percentage of my proposals are being accepted. This is truly a 5 star book for anybody who sells.
G.B.
Senior Vice-President, Marketing

I found this book after I read an article in Men's Health magazine that had tips from Robert Mayer on How To Negotiate With An Angry Woman.

The article based on Mayer's strategies talked about how to defuse anger and how critical it is to "build a discussion" because there can't be trust without a dialogue.
Mayer's rule is basically to set the tone, the mood, the tempo, and the agenda of the discussion because Nobody is going to listen to logic until emotion has been dealt with. I keep this in mind when I deal with emotional people now and it helps me manage the discussion.

The reason the article was in Men's Health is because the stress of arguing when you don't know how is harmful to your physical and mental well-being. Anyway, after reading the article I bought the book for myself and even sent it to some friends as a gift.

It's a great read - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!