How to Win Friends & Influence People [Paperback]

Dale Carnegie (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, "let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers," and "talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks. --Joan Price --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

From an era when 'self-help' books had genuine depth, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has influenced the world. No book in the self-help category matters more than this one.

Learning to relate to people in the ways Carnegie instructs will help you personally as well as professionally.

This book is a classic because Carnegie teaches timeless truths in timeless ways.

--Paul Walker --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Gallery; Reprint edition (October 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0671027034
• ISBN-13: 978-0671027032
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (785 customer reviews)
• Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #515 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

185 of 192 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Common sense advice, but beware the unwritten chapter, November 7, 2005

By	Andrew Olivo (Oregon, United States) - See all my reviews (VINE VOICE)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)

This review is from: How to Win Friends & Influence People (Mass Market Paperback)

I won't waste your time with a rundown of what "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is about. With over 400 reviews on Amazon, with over 15 million copies sold, and with a very self-explanatory title, I think you all get it. For the rare person who may not know what this book is about, here's a succinct description: in 1930s vernacular prose, Dale Carnegie explains that by appealing to the other person's highest ideals, remembering the other person's name, letting the other person do most of the talking, speaking in terms of the other person's interests, allowing the other to save face, by "throwing down a challenge," etc., you can make a friend out of just about anyone.

The advice is largely sound, but I think the reader should keep in mind the context within which this book was written. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was written in the 1930's and intended primarily as a companion book to Dale Carnegie's classes on how to be a good salesman. In other words, these techniques work very well in the context of sales and public relations, i.e., in relationships that are not expected to be deep and/or long-lasting. I wouldn't recommend using these techniques on close personal friends. Doing so may make a person come across as a bit "plastic."

Also, there is one major point that I think needs to be remembered, but unfortunately is nowhere to be found in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." During my research of Dale Carnegie's techniques, I came across what I believe may be the only biography available about him: Dale Carnegie: The Man Who Influenced Millions by Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin. This book reveals many interesting things, such as the fact that Dale Carnegie grew up poor; he lost part of his left index finger when he was a child; he often broke many of the tenets set forth in this book, often forgetting others' names, often arguing with others, etc. But what I found most interesting was that the last chapter of "How to Win Friends" was to describe those individuals with whom none of Dale Carnegie's techniques work. In this unpublished chapter, Carnegie wrote that there were some people with whom it was impossible to get along. You either needed to divorce such people, "knock them down," or sue them in court.

Why is that chapter absent from this book, you ask? Well, Dale Carnegie was in the middle of writing this chapter when he was offered a trip to Europe, and rather than complete this last chapter he decided to take the trip. The uncompleted book was sent off to publishers, and Carnegie shipped off to Europe.

Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin say that given the optimistic tone of the rest of "How to Win Friends," the European trip was perhaps the better choice. Reconciling the the unwritten chapter with the rest of this optimistic book would've been nearly impossible, they say.

Anyway, I think that this unpublished chapter is important to keep in mind. I had to learn the hard way that the unpublished chapter is very true. There are some people with whom it is impossible to get along. When you meet up with such people, and believe me you will, don't think that you've failed the Carnegie techniques. Instead, remind yourself that you are experiencing exactly what Carnegie describes in that pragmatic, unpublished chapter. And then quickly move on to the nicer people!

Andrew Olivo

207 of 263 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Timeless Advice, June 26, 2004

By	GEORGE R. FISHER (Boston MA United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: How to Win Friends & Influence People (School & Library Binding)

His advice is so obvious and so easy, so how come it's so difficult to do yourself and so rarely found in others? Is it cynicism or manipulation? No, it's human nature: Do Unto Others ...

THE FUNDAMENTALS

? "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.

? Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

? Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.

? Smile!

? Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.

? Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

? Actively research the other person's interests.

? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

? Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.

? Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

? If you know you're wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.

? Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don't accuse.

? Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice.

? Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.

? Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

? Let people come to your conclusions.
First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

? Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.

? ? of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you.

? A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

? Dramatize your ideas.
"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.

? Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).

BE A LEADER

? Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.

? Change "but" into "and".
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

? Ask questions rather than giving orders.

? Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

? People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.

? Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.

? Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.

? Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.

192 of 247 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars More than just getting along well with people, February 4, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Win Friends & Influence People (Audio CD)

I think the title of this book may be misleading in that just about everyone can get along with people, and win friends. The part of the title that most people was is the abaility to influence others especially in a way that makes them happy and willing to do what you ask.

As a supervisor for a department of 50 people, I found it was easy to get people to do what I asked them becuase I was the boss. After reading How To Win Friends and Influence People, I was able to get people to do what I asked not because I was there supervisor, because they wanted to.

In addition, I have always found that there are always some people (many times my supervisors) who completely lack people skills. Dale Carnegies book taugh me how to work with those people as well.

I highly recommend How To Win Friends and Influence People to anyone who wants to significantly improve their people skills and especially their ability to positively influence people.

Great book!