Customer Reviews

How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You: Understanding How Men Communicate

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Initially, I picked up this book because the cover caught my eye: a young woman screaming through a megaphone into the ear of her handsome, but befuddled, husband. "This is probably another one of those men-are-idiots and women-are-geniuses books. I'll do the world a favor and write a review," I thought. This turned out to be a lesson in not judging a book by its cover.

Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby have coauthored several books for wives, including The Politically Incorrect Wife and How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You. Both women testify to the power of God in their lives as they decided, relatively late in life, to do things His way. Nancy Cobb is the director of women's ministries for Christ Community Church in Omaha, NE. She and Connie Grigsby have taught "The Wife Class" for ten years. They are popular speakers and frequent radio and television guests of shows such as Revive Our Hearts and Life Today. They also host a weekly radio program called Lifewalk which airs every week on KGBI, an Omaha Christian radio station. Though they say they are still learning, Cobb and Grigsby bring seventy-five years of marriage experience to the table. One of their goals is to help wives understand how men communicate so that women feel more fulfilled and less frustrated in their marriages.

Cobb and Grigsby organized this book into four parts: "Why Is This So Hard?," "How You Shoot Yourself in the Foot," "Opening His Heart Opens His Ears," and, "Aha! Moments."

In the first section, Cobb and Grigsby discuss the most common expectations husbands and wives have that can eventually cause problems in any marriage. Women want and expect men to listen and respond to them just like their best friends do, but as we all know, men do not respond that way. Why? Men and women are different. "We may be tempted to ask, `Why can't a man be more like a woman?' There is a simple answer: men don't want to be more like women. They're born male, and they're hard-wired to grow into men. Such behavior would be completely unnatural and foreign to them."

Without slowing the book with scientific jargon, the authors share recent research on the differences between the brains of men and women. The good news is that our differences are not obstacles to overcome, but God-given characteristics we need to seek to understand and accept. Our differences make communication more difficult, but they ought not drive a wedge between husband and wife.

Cobb and Grigsby also share how they came to realize that their unhealthy communication habits made their husbands want to tune them out. They gently address a wife's tendencies toward nagging, jumping to conclusions, and overthinking, to name a few. In addition, Cobb and Grigsby emphasize positive habits wives can develop to help untangle the lines of communication.

The third section includes admonitions from Scripture regarding how wives are to treat their husbands. Encouraging reminders to be respectful, to speak kindly, to give special honor to husbands, and to overlook minor offenses abound. Cobb and Grigsby do not exegete passages nor do they build arguments with one point on top of another. Instead, they gently remind us that the scriptures do hold specific words to wives that we would do well to obey. They offer more of a "That's the way it is" explanation. This may turn many female readers away, but I rather enjoyed it and found it refreshingly short and to-the-point.

I enjoyed reading this book for several reasons. First, their writing is succinct; not a word is wasted. Trimmed of any extraneous information, it is as if Cobb and Grigsby are demonstrating for the female readers how to communicate like a man. Each chapter ends with the "Bottom Line." If I had a dime for every time I heard my husband ask for that...

This book is fast-paced, easy to read, and humorous. They both share from the difficult periods of their own marriages and how God helped them change without becoming preachy. They emphasize how important it is that we wives accept the fact that we cannot change our husbands. Rather than daydreaming about trading in our husbands, Cobb and Grigsby say it is better to become "what God intended us to be within the marriage relationship. Trading our old habits for godly ones is always a good trade."

Nancy, in particular, is profoundly grateful she traded her ungodly communication habits. She shares that the final week they were writing this book, she shared the gospel with her husband Ray. He became a Christian. She believes that had she not learned how to be straight with him, he may not have listened to her.

I asked my own husband about Cobb and Grigsby's assertions regarding the male gender and how he communicates. I realize he is just one man, but he agreed with them. I found myself laughing aloud at several points just because they seem so right in their understanding of how the man's mind works. On the other hand, I found myself having to come to grips with the consequences of my own sinful ways of communicating and misunderstanding my husband if I refuse to repent.

Without a doubt, the reader should not judge this book by its cover. I expected a book describing men as Neanderthals and how to best manipulate them. Instead, I met two wives who have been where I am and who want to share how God helped them change their unhealthy communication habits. I think any woman, married or engaged to be married, would appreciate this book.

How To Get Your Husband to Listen to You is a humorous yet beneficial tool to understanding the different ways men and women communicate. Without male bashing, the authors discuss why men may become frustrated with communicating with women. The authors offer insightful and useful alternatives to ease the frustration for both parties.

Part I: Why Is This So Hard and Part II: How Not to Shoot Yourself in the Foot, stood out the most to me because admittedly, I do some of the things listed. I didn't feel preached to rather encouraged to see another way of expressing myself. I especially laughed at the section about over thinking situations. I get on my own nerves sometimes when I over analyze situations.

I wasn't alone! The authors fessed up to times in their marriages when they "shot themselves in the foot"but learned healthier communication methods which they share in part III: Opening His Heart, Opening His Ears. And it all comes together for you in Part IV: Aha! Moments.

Do you struggle in your marriage? Maybe your husband makes no sense whatsoever to you, almost like he not only speaks a different language but he also doesn't speak any known tongue. Not only that, what you say meets with a large wall or a huge glistening iceberg, no way over it, under it or around it so you are forced to fire up the wrecking ball and go through it, just to get your point across. If this sounds even remotely like your marriage AND if you want to fix it, make it better or change it, then get this book.

Ladies, this book will step on your toes and go against your survival instincts. But, if you are willing to make some changes, you could have the marriage you've always wanted but have given up on.

Cobb and Grigsby deliver hard-hitting advice and facts that go against all the fairytale drama we've come to embrace as reality. But what they offer is a set of blueprints to real love and communication to counteract the shadow of romantic notion and mountains of frustration. The authors have lived where their readers reside. They've struggled and learned and are willing to pass along the keys to communication and a healthy marriage.

The only women who should not read this book are those who embrace the philosophy that others must change and bow to her will or a relationship isn't even worth her time. That's a lonely road. My Way or the Highway is a lonely road, and if you are on it, then don't even crack the cover because the advice and wisdom within will be nonsense to you. If you think the Bible or God is a bunch of dusty, old-fashioned hogwash, ditto, don't even go there because this book will do nothing but frustrate you.

But, if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired in the most valuable and important relationship on the earth...if you are open to making changes because your marriage is worth it...if you are willing to put selfishness aside and do what's best for your marriage, then invest the $14.95 in this book. For just a little more than the cost of a movie and fast food dinner for one and you might find the key that will help you continue to be part of a duo til death do you part.

Or if you are looking for Mr. Right or engaged, check it out. The authors tell the truth about the most intimate and challenging of relationships. What you learn now may save your future marriage before it starts to stink.

I don't know if I would have been open to the wisdom from Cobb and Grigsby during my dark days of marriage. When I gave up wanting to manipulate and play the same games...when I was sick and tired of myself and the way I treated my husband and the way he treated me, this book would have given me much of the truth I needed that I ended up learning the hard way.

Question: Do you know a definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Question: Is the same old, same old in your marriage insane because it's not going to change until you do? And do you want to remain there? If not, borrow or buy this book.

This book should be compulsory reading to all women who are contemplating marriage and who plan to raise children. It could be recommended reading to all men too! Rather strong views you say? Bear with me for a few minutes and you will agree with me.

In an excellently readable book, authors Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby get to the fundamental reason for the big divide between the two genders - communication problems. Using many day-to-day examples, they bring out beautifully the different ways women and men communicate and how a mismatch between the communication processes leads to a breakdown of the communication process and thus the relationship! Since this is an online review, you will be able to read excerpts of the book (Check the Editorial Reviews for excerpts).

Some books hold you with their clear, lucid, highly readable style. This is one of them. Add good editing and good printing and you have a winner.

For those readers who are not Christians, some of the passages or suggestions may not hold much appeal, but the book is still a good read and much of the advice given by the authors is delinked from religion.

Don't be fooled by the book title to think its all your husbands fault.....instead....this book will kick you in the butt personally!!! And I have to say may be the best book for some ladies to read! Love this book and have read it over and over to apply all the concepts!

This book is VERY good. I have been married for 8 years and we have had our ups and downs but at this point in my life and in our realtionship, I truely agree with the Authors and their message. Now that I have read this book, I plan on keeping it for the rest of my life to use as a referrence when I need some reminding about how to keep our marriage strong. I would recomend this book to ANY woman that is in a healthy relationship. I have used may of the suggestions that this book has given and I can say from experience that they work and these Authors truly understand the way men communicate. I like this book so much and I do think there is more for me to learn about how men and women communicate so my next purchase will be Gary Chapman "The 5 Love Langues".

This is a fantastic book! It gave me such insight into my husband, the way he thiniks and how I can communicate better with him.

I am pasing it onto a friend, and will tell as many girlfriends as I can about it.

Very powerful stuff....Thanks, Nancy and Connie, for opening up your hearts and sharing your tips with us.

Blessings-

Trish Berg
Book Reviewes, Author, Wife and Mother of 4
www.TrishBerg.com

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This is a horrible book. It is very misleading i thought it would be helpful but lowering myself to door mat status is not my idea of healthy marriage. It is very demeaning to women.Reminded me of beaver cleaver times. The best part about this book is when I burned it on my barbeque pit. I couldn't in good conscience put it in my yard sale I didn't want anyone to read this garbage.