How to Say It to Your Kids [Paperback]

Dr. Paul Coleman (Author)

Book Description

Series: How to Say It... | Publication Date: October 3, 2000

The latest in the popular How to Say It series, "How To Say It To Your Kids "offers wise comments and effective comebacks to help today's busy and beleaguered parents answer questions, encourage dialogue, explore feelings, and teach values--with ease and confidence. Dr. Paul Coleman, a family therapist and father, reveals the six fundamental approaches to talking with children. Forming the mnemonic TENDER--Teach, Empathize, Negotiate, Do's & Don'ts, Encourage, and Report--these six basic ways of communicating cover every conceivable issue of concern. Each chapter consists of practical, how-to advice based on various scenarios, "Smart Talk" sidebars-new insights to the issues important to parents, and helpful "Rules of Thumb--"short but sweet tips, such as: The best reward for a child is a responsive parent Don't respond with a tone of voice more intense than your child's If anxiety is high, it is not a time to lecture or give advice Here's the reference manual parents will want to turn to again and again as their children age and new problems, and tougher questions, emerge. Loaded with ready-o-use-information, a puzzled or frustrated parent can come away with a new idea or strategy that can be instantly applied.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Family therapist Coleman, author of The 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples and other self-help titles, turns his attention to parenting issues with this potpourri of tips. Using the mnemonic TENDER (teach, emphasize, negotiate, dos & don'ts, encourage, and report), Coleman covers 100 topics, arranged alphabetically, starting with adoption and ending with "worried child." Each short chapter opens with an anecdote, followed by related factual information, a section on how to respond to your child on the subject, and a warning section on how not to respond. Some entries also contain boxed "Smart Talk" tips that cite current research. While some problems are specific ("estrangement from extended family" or "new step sibling") others, such as "dawdling," or "self confidence" will be useful to all parents. Coleman's approach is generally sound, but since each topic requires a unique responseAeven while incorporating one or more aspects of the TENDER motifAreaders won't detect a set pattern to follow. And while parents will benefit from Coleman's advice to speak calmly and employ the TENDER elements, the A to Z format may give too much leeway for skipping topics, causing readers to come away from this reference manual without a firm grasp on the author's method. (Oct.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Paul Coleman is a psychologist, a family therapist, and a father of three grade-school children. The author of five acclaimed books, including Getting to the Heart of the Matter and Life's Parachutes, he has appeared on the Oprah and Geraldo shows, plus dozens of regional television and radio programs. He lives in Poughkeepsie, New York.

Product Details

• Paperback: 374 pages
• Publisher: Prentice Hall Press (October 3, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0735201773
• ISBN-13: 978-0735201774
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 7 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.7 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #492,711 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book, July 31, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Say It to Your Kids (Paperback)

Introduction, 1st part of the book:
Smart Talk: The Six Ways We Speak to Our Kids

Some of the many issues discussed in this book on "How to Say It To Your Kids" includes (2nd part of the book):

Apologies
Chores
Dawdling
Defiance and Disrespect
Drugs and Alcohol
Eat Your Vegetables! Clean Your Room!
Hitting
Internet Concerns
Lying
Manipulative Behavior
Pets
Sharing
Swearing
Violence and Sexual Material in Television and Movies
Whiny and Demanding Child

3rd part of the book
:
When You Say It Right (But Things Still Go Wrong): Ten Winning Tips for Troubleshooters

For each issue a child may face, the book lists things to consider about the issue, things to say or don't say to child and other infomation that may apply to the issue.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource!, November 2, 2000

By 

Gail Gottschling (Terre Haute, IN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How to Say It to Your Kids (Paperback)

As a child care center director and education professor, I have been looking for a book to recommend to parents, staff, and education students. Not a day goes by without someone coming to me for advice about how to respond to a child's question, or comment on a touchy subject. "How to Say it to Your Kids," will be perfect.

Reading the material found in Dr. Coleman's book will give adults solid advice and preparation for how to handle the difficult situations that come up daily. Rather than answering children in anger, or responding with silence, this book gives excellent, concrete suggestions, as well as reminders of "how not to say it." It is written in easy to understand language, but provides depth and sound professional reasoning.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book for all Parents, November 1, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: How to Say It to Your Kids (Hardcover)

The many sections called "What Not to Say" were an eye-opener. When I showed some of the ideas to my husband he really found it helpful because instead of talking in general ideas, every chapter is loaded with specific examples of the best way to talk to your kids. I figure that about half of the 100 situations in this book apply to my life right now. Another thirty or so will probably be relevant in another year when my kids are a little older. Terrific job!