Customer Reviews

How to Be Your Own Best Friend

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I first bought this book after my divorce in 1975. It changed my life. It gave me permission to be good to ME. It convinced me that I deserved to be treated with respect by my friends and especially myself. I was able to say no to things I didn't want to do, and it showed me how to do it without being rude or obnoxcious. I could finally say "I picked up the pizza last time. How about someone else doing it this time?" and not feel guilty. I highly recommend it to anyone who said "Yes" when they really meant "No". I bought it for my step-daughter when she got divorced this year and she also said she got a lot out of it too.

How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz is a book that helped me to not only believe that I might be worth more respect and love than I was giving myself but to also see that deep, deep down within my soul I actually believed that I was capable of being more than I gave myself credit for. Reading this book was one of my first "baby steps" towards recovery from having grown up in a dysfunctional home. I believe what it has to say is just as revelant today as when I first read it 20-some years ago.

Reading "How to Be Your Own Best Friend" should be a rewarding self -help exercise. Like all such works, one cannot read it like a novel, to be quickly put aside and hope to gain any benefit. Instead, it should be perused slowly with notes taken of "high points" encountered along the way. The reader must then periodically glance back at the notes. "How to Be" is big on letting go of the past, especially memories of "troublesome" parents. Two of the more helpful aphorisms are "There is no way now to even the score" and "Go forward for happiness-not back". The title may be misleading since "How to" actually calls for some self-discipline as opposed to patting oneself on the back or licking one's wounds: WE are responsible for own good times in life and to "watch and work". WE must remove the roadblocks that others (i.e.": PARENTS) have placed in our paths. This is a solid piece of psycho writing, with no downside risk. At paperback prices, one good idea will pay for itself many times over. This may also be the fastest reading paperback I've ever encountered. Those scrolling through the self-help selections should seriously consider "How to". For those of us with "parent problems" (we know who we are!), this one is strongly recommended.

Someone gave me this book in 1975 when I was still a practicing alcoholic. I don't remember reading it then, but have read and re-read it many, many times since getting sober in 1984. What a great friend it has been! Any time I feel even a HINT of depression, I read this book and it is an immediate boost to my morale. I never fail to see something new in it.

Also, for anyone wanting to read something broader in the same vein, I heartily recommend "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil McGraw, which follows the same theme of not believing the old tapes about your worthlessness but, instead, getting to know yourself because You're Worth It!

This is another self-help book that I received from my wife's grandmother's library when she passed away. The book is thin and fairly small, making it a short read (about 40 minutes total). It is set up as a dialogue between a psychotherapist and a patient or perhaps journalist. Before I go any further I should mention that I read the 1971 version rather than the 1990 version, so obviously things are going to be a bit different. With that in mind, the criticisms I have about the book may no longer apply.

First, the criticism...

This book was written during the time period in which the American Psychological Association still recognized homosexuality as a disorder. In this edition of the book it is seen as such and used as an example of people that can change if they really want to. I'm assuming that homosexuality isn't seen as a disorder in the newer editions, but, you'll just have to read it to find out I guess.

The second criticism was the format of the book. Though I recognize it as a tactical device to sell you on the philosophy of the book, the dialogue between the patient/journalist and the psychotherapist is a bit too contrived to be of any real use. The questions asked are very leading and leading in a direction that is always favorable to the answer the psychotherapist has. At the end of the book the questioner admits that they are 'convinced' of the correctness of the philosophy of the book. Please. That kind of stuff never happens in psychotherapy, but it is a good sales tactic - we convinced this person in the book, we should be able to convince you. To make it an even better sales tactic they should have the questioner in the book be a nameless business-world kingpin, or Larry King, or some other hard-nosed reporter, someone that the reader of the book can identify as being very astute and not easily persuaded (not that any of the examples I gave necessarily are). That would work even better.

Third criticism, some times the information is presented as though there is some state of happiness that can be attained. Now, call me cynical, but I don't know that I buy into the 'state of happiness' theory anymore. I used to think that people could 'arrive at' a state of happiness, but I'm just not that sure anymore. However, this review isn't supposed to be a place where I propose my own theories, so I'll just have to write my own book on that topic I guess.

Last criticism. As psychotherapists the authors should know that they can't solve people's problems by having them read books. Psychotherapy involves a lot more than that (I'm not an expert, but a degree in psychology and a year working in a mental institution should be worth something).

Now that I have offered my criticisms, I must admit that the book is very insightful. It is traditional psychotherapy to the fullest extent. There is a lot of talk about exploring childhood problems and overcoming the damage that they did to you. The discussion is very persuasive at times and I found a lot of the advice to be very insightful. Like I said before, I read the 1971 edition so things may have changed quite a bit, but I'll give you some of the quotes I really liked anyway...

Q. Accept the messiness and the mistakes? But I thought the point was to stop making them.
A. If you do, you'll be the only one. (p. 83)

Q. But what if you can't manage everything you'd like to do - few of us can - and you have to make choices? When does doing good things for yourself become pure self-indulgence?
A. Doing what makes you feel good about yourself is really the opposite of self-indulgence... It does mean being self-centered enough to care for yourself and to take care of yourself. If you don't learn how to do that, you can never care properly for others. (p. 35)

Overall, there are a lot of great insights in this book. The reason I rate is as low as I do is because of a fundamental disagreement about happiness and also because of the manipulative format (I'm assuming their views on homosexuality have changed, if not, then it should get a zero). Perhaps things have changed in later editions. If so, great for the authors and I hope someone posts a response to this review letting me know that.

It would be quite easy to mock at this little self - help work with statements like ' You'd better be your own best friend since no one else is ' but in fact this work is a valuable guide to increasing one's own self- esteem. The authors emphasize the importance of the individual valuing their own accomplishments, taking responsiblity for their own life, and using their freedom with wisdom. Berkowitz and Newman who are a married couple of psychotherapists present the work in a very simple and forthright manner, as a kind of conversation in which they answer questions about how to make a happy life. Their stress is on overcoming the routines of past failure and finding new ways to bring satisfaction into one's life. It is hard to quarrel with their prescription.
To put it into practical effect, however, is I think for most of us the real problem and story.

One of my relatives is going through a divorce. I sent him a copy of this book, which I first read years ago. It makes an excellent gift book to both show concern and provide help for someone going through a hard or down time in life.

I picked this up off my parent's shelves to have something to read on a plane - 1971 version - and by the time I landed had taken two pages of notes about how to improve my life. The concepts are easy to remember and east to implement, and the book is a short, easy read. The best element I took from the book is the value of time - each of our choices have consequences, and time in life is limited - one can break bad habits by making the right choices and understanding that making these choices will help one be happy. Good, quick read!

I love this book. It is simple yet profound and can be extremely helpful for adult survivors of childhood abuse. However, the paragraph on p.20 about "successfully" getting homosexuals to turn heterosexual is wrong. It turned my stomach. The book is about feeling good about yourself, encouraging yourself and having a better and happier life. Those things will not happen if a person is ashamed of being homosexual. The book is a great ointment, but it has a fly in it.

I read this book years ago and found it so helpful in my life at that time, that I now purchase it for gifts for family & friends. A wonderful book that really can help you like yourself more & become your own BEST FRIEND.