Customer Reviews

How to survive the loss of a love: 58 things to do when there is nothing to be done

5 star:		(198)
4 star:		(12)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Let's face it, abandonment hurts. There would be more charity in murder. But, if your heart has been broken, if you are the one who wanted the relationship to work, if you are the one left behind - this is the perfect book for you. Buy it.

In it you will find short, one page chapters chock full of important reminders, proverbs, advice and practical suggestions. Throughout the message is constant - let yourself hurt, take responsibility for your own pain and your own healing, you will survive, you will smile again, life really is worth living.

Accompanying every chapter is a short, one page, free verse poem. Nothing has ever helped me feel more than these did.

I read most of this book while sitting in a city park one sunny, Sunday afternoon. All around me were families playing with their children. Inside I was bleeding, and frequently crying. It took at least two more years to get over being dumped, but my healing started that day. Maybe your's will, too.

After a sudden and devastating breakup, this book was a God-send. I read it nearly every day for months. The authors provide very practical advice, and reassure the reader that his/her chaotic emotions are a natural part of the grieving (and healing) process. "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" is an essential purchase for anyone grieving a breakup or divorce.

I've ploughed through a spate of self-help books on this topic lately, and have written some scathing reviews; because all of them appeared to have their own agendas, and none of them seemed to help.

Until I found this one.

This book described to me EXACTLY what I was going through. It did not seek to reframe the experience within the author's religious views. It did not seek to impose a decision or a philosophy on me. It did not try to get me to DO anything. It simply described exactly what was happening, and it did it in a way that made it okay for me to feel the way I was feeling.

The book is formatted in pairs of facing pages. On the lefthand page is straightforward prose; on the righthand pages (with a few exceptions) are short, original poems. This presentation I found extremely powerful. The poems connect in a way that the prose can't; and the prose lends strength and validity and concrete information to the fellings expressed in the poetry. The combined effect is one of knowledge and empathy.

In other words, reading this book is like sitting down and talking with a wise, kind friend.

The writing style is sparse yet complete. It would pass any test that E.B. White could put to it. It is, in itself, enjoyable.

Reading the above, I find that my description is inadequate. If you are going through the loss of a loved one, or, in fact, any kind of a loss at all, this book will give you comfort... it will put things in perspective for you, without demeaning or trivializing your feelings, and it will leave you in a place from which you can move on.

j michael rowland

This book is especially helpful if you're experiencing a painful situation (death, divorce, any type of loss), when every moment feels like an eternity, and you need someone/something to turn to. You can read it from beginning to end (it walks you through various stages of healing, from loss/despair to forgiveness/hope), or you can skip around to sections that are meaningful in a particular moment. Written by 2 counselors and a poet, it contains a perfect blend of practical, healing advice and soothing words/affirmations. Recommended for all readers--any gender, any age--even for those who would never open a self-help-type book. It's the kind of book you can refer back to. It's also makes a perfect gift for a friend or family member in need. (If you're thinking of sending this as a gift from far away, and you haven't had a chance to see the book, you can trust that it will be well-received by your friend/loved one.)

I bought this book based on all the rave reviews here on Amazon. And had I divorved or had a relationship breakup it would have been perfect, BUT, having lost the love of my life to a death... I did not find comfort in this book. I am not angry at him, he did not betray me, I do not wonder if he will call me again, he died, prematurely. And I miss him.

This is a great book if you are suffering grief from a breakup, but I personally, did not find it useful or helpful at all for the type of loss I suffered. I cherish the love that we had - and he did not leave me willingly by choice - therefore I do not feel I have to process feelings of anger towards him.

I don't usually write reviews, but I wanted to keep the contents of this book in context so that people searching for some relief of pain having suffered the death of a loved one, will not be mislead. (like I was)

Obviously this is purley my own opinion, but for what it is worth, the pain of a breakup (which I have also experienced) is a different kind of pain than the pain of a death, and it is not reasonable to assume they could be treated the same way.

"How to Survive the Loss of a Love" is a nice, little, easy-to-read book consisting of 200 pages of tidbits that attempt to quell, numb, or assuage pain. Each page is only half-full of double-spaced text providing a self-contained message, and the facing page contains tidbits of poetry or anonymous biting comments, making the book a quick read and easy to pick up and start at any page.

These pages provide encouragement, sympathy, and warmth. If suffering from major loss or betrayal, advice like "hug yourself ... it feels good" and "be gentle with yourself" may seem patronizing; however, the book will still provide some solace, even if it's the stoic "there is nothing to be done.... Only accept it, and hurt." While those words do not cuddle the aching heart, they do provide sobering realism: life is tough and people can be cruel. For what it tries to be, this book succeeds.

I am a psychologist working in a college counseling center, and I frequently recommend this book to my clients. It provides support for anyone who is experiencing grief related to a loss, including the death of a loved one and the breakup of a relationship. The best thing about this book is its unique, easy-to-read format: the chapters are written in outline form, and each chapter is just 1-2 pages long and printed on the left-hand sides of the pages only. The right-hand side pages contain poems, quotes, and sayings offering comfort as well as inspiration. This book will help you to feel that you are not along as you begin to cope with your loss.

Purchasing "How To Survive the Loss of a Love" was the first step I took in starting my journey toward healing after a devastating break up. Depression, self destructive behavior, uncontrollable crying -- you name it, that's how I reacted to this break up. I read the book from cover to cover in a day (an easy read). It is filled with very useful information that is mostly common sense, but all of this is forgotten when you are in devastating pain. The book re-introduces you to all this in a way that can be understood by an individual who's existence is clouded with agony. The poems on each page really capture the essense of what you're going through and it made me realize that there were in fact other people who went through this hell and survived. It's not that I felt I was the only person on earth to deal with a break up, but when you're in the eye of the storm, you feel an incredible sense of solitude and no one else exists but you and your misery. It covers all aspects of dealing with your loss from understanding it, dealing with it, SURVIVING it, healing from it and lastly, moving on. This is a book that I will read many, many times. It's filled with comfort and strength for the broken hearted. It is my oasis in this unbearable hell. Highly recommended to all who's hearts bleed for another.

I was sorely disappointed with this book. I think if you're going through the heartbreak of a failed relationship, then it might be very helpful. But for those who are grieving the death of their partners/spouses/mates, take it from me -- this book will not be of much help at all. It does not acknowledge the pain of losing your loved one to death. Some of the suggestions in the book, such as "take a bubble bath," are ridiculously facile. The prevailing suggestions for survival focus on forgetting the person we loved, which may work if you're trying to get over someone who's dumped you, but not possible or advisable if you're grieving someone who died. If you are a widow/widower, as I am, then you'll just want to pitch this book across the room.

This is a book to be read a sentence or a paragraph at a time when you are in pain. I was given the book after the loss of my boss, and dug it out again a few weeks ago when my father died. When you're in too much pain to read or too antsy to sit still, this is the book to pick up. As the author points out, this is emotional first aid, and I find it most helpful when the wound is fresh. I like to keep a few copies of this book on hand and share it selectively with friends and family when I see the need. While there are tons of books on grieving and surviving loss, this one is different. It is just what you need at the time--no more, no less. I can't recommend it highly enough.