The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon (Revised edition) [Paperback]

David Elkind (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 21, 1988

Often with the very best intentions, Americans expose their children to overwhelming pressures, pressures that can lead to low self-esteem, to teenage pregnancy, and even to teenage suicide. By blurring the boundaries of what is age appropriate, by expecting—or imposing—too much too soon, we force our kids to grow up too fast, to mimic adult sophistication while secretly yearning for innocence.With the first edition of The Hurried Child, David Elkind emerges as the voice of reason, calling our attention to the crippling effects of hurrying. But in the decade since this book first appeared, a new generation of parents has inadvertently stepped up the assault on childhood, misled by the new and comforting rhetoric of childhood ”competence.”Now Dr. Elkind has thoroughly revised this enormously successful book to debunk the notion of ”competence” tha thas children racing off to early enrichment programs, burdened by the pressure to ”achieve,” and coming home alone to an empty house after school. He sees ”sompetence” as a notion meant to rationalize the needs of adults, not to serve the genuine needs of kids, a notion that has fourth graders dieting to fit into designer jeans and children of divorce asked to be the confidants of their troubled parents.In updating this new edition, Dr. Elkind takes a detailed and up-to-the-minute look at the world of today’s kids in terms of education, movies, television, rock & roll, and social trends, to see where the hyrrying occurs and why. And as before, he offers parents and teachers insight, advice, and hope for encouraging healthy development while protecting the joy and feedom of childhood.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

These two books offer excellent perspectives on children, parents, and culture. Psychologist Apter (The Confident Child) argues that we've been hanging on to an idea that's all wrong that when children finish high school or college and land a job, they instantly become autonomous, responsible adults. This "myth of maturity," insists Apter, is harming our kids. These "thresholders" (ages 18-24) appear to function as adults (whether in a job or in school), but in reality they are often in turmoil, depressed, and overwhelmed by life. Apter claims that though parents have been taught that they should end support (emotional, financial, and practical) so that their children can be independent and self-reliant, this is the wrong approach. Each chapter addresses a theme (job stress, finances, college, emotions) with stories of thresholders Apter has interviewed followed by her advice to both parents and thresholders on how to deal with the situation. Myth shatters many common notions we've held for several decades, e.g., it links eating disorders to separation anxiety and lays to rest the idea that the l8-24s are confident, happy, and sexually active beings. Like Elkind, Apter knows that kids grow up fast (that is, they leave childhood) but that they aren't "grown up" at all. Elkind's classic The Hurried Child dates from 1981 and was revised in 1988; now it appears in a third edition. The basic premise remains the same: parents have pushed their children emotionally and intellectually too far, too fast. Today's parents think of their kids as Superkids, so competent and so mature that they need adults very little. Why? Because parents, who are building careers, blending families, or struggling as single parents, have no time for child rearing. Having a competent Superkid relieves these parents of guilt, but it places too much stress on the children themselves. This new edition is fully revised, with new sections on peer-group parent pressure, i.e., the pressure parents feel to go along with the Superkid image out of fear that their own children will lag behind, and on organized sports, the Internet, and software for infants. Like Apter's title, this powerful book is essential reading. Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"[A] landmark book." -- Chicago Sun-Times, 04/19/06 --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 217 pages
• Publisher: Addison-Wesley Publishing; Revised edition (January 21, 1988)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0201073978
• ISBN-13: 978-0201073973
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,776,950 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Brief Resume
David Elkind

David Elkind is currently Professor emeritus of Child Development at Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts. He was formerly Professor of Psychology, Psychiatry and Education at the University of Rochester. Professor Elkind obtained his doctorate at U.C.L.A. and then spent a year as David Rapaport's research assistant at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. In 1964 65 he was a National Science Foundation Senior Postdoctoral Fellow at Piaget's Institut d' Epistemologie Genetique in Geneva. His research has been in the areas of perceptual, cognitive and social development where he has attempted to build upon the research and theory of Jean Piaget.

Professor Elkind's bibliography now numbers over five \hundred items and includes research, theoretical articles, book chapters and eighteen books. In addition he has published more popular pieces such as children's stories in Jack and Jill, biographies of famous psychologists in the New York Times Magazine, as well as presentations of his own work in journals such as Good Housekeeping, Parade and Psychology Today. Some of his recent articles include Computers and Young Children, The Authority of the Brain, The Cosmopolitan School, On Becoming a Grandfather, and Thanks for the Memory: Froebel and Montessori. Perhaps Professor Elkind is best known for his popular books, The Hurried Child, All Grown Up and No Place to Go, Miseducation, Ties that Stress and most recently The Power of Play: Learning what comes naturally. In preparation is a new book tentatively entitled, The Stages of Parenthood: Growing up with Our Children.

Professor Elkind is a member of many professional organizations, is on the Editorial Board of numerous scientific journals, is a consultant to state education departments, as well as to government agencies and private foundations. He lectures extensively in the United States, Canada and abroad. He has appeared on The Today Show, The CBS Morning News, Twenty/Twenty, Nightline, Donahue, and the Oprah Winfrey Show. He has been profiled in People and Boston Magazine and was a Contributing Editor to Parents Magazine. Professor Elkind also co-hosted the Lifetime television series, Kids These Days. He is a past President of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. Professor Elkind is currently the chief scientific advisor for JustAskBaby, and internet service for parents.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

151 of 154 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Informative, April 15, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon (Revised edition) (Paperback)

"The Hurried Child"by David Elkind gives concrete examples of some of the emotional,intellectual and social consequences of hurrying a child's development by both parent and teachers. Children today are under an enormous amount of pressure to act, dress and assume adult roles and responsibilities. This hurrying causes stress in very young children as well as adolescents. I think the book addresses a lot of issues that have negative impact on all children. I learned a great deal about what constitutes hurrying in young children. The author brings forth the fact that hurrying takes place in both the home and school settings. Children are pushed to read earlier than they are developmentally ready; do math and behave in ways that most theorists like Erikson and Piaget have shown to be in direct conflict with children's cognitive and emotional development. The book was excellent in demonstrating the impact of outside influences such as T.V, movies,records and the media on children's development. The achievements and limitations of the major stages of development were long recognised by Piaget on cognitive development and by Erikson on emotional development. The book emphasized that when children's needs become subordinate to parental needs their emotional as well as cognitive growth is affected. I recommend that anyone who gets a chance to read this book does so, especially parents and educators of young children.

Agnes.

40 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good book; a little too easy on us parents!, April 9, 2003

By 

Joan "joan2742" (Edgewater, MD, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, Third Edition (Paperback)

In The Hurried Child, Dr. Elkind does a competent job of describing a seriously problematic trend- the increasing inability and even unwillingness to appropriately "cushion" children from the modern world. The message is simple and eloquent: millions of children are simply not experiencing a proper childhood for a multitude of reasons. For some, it may be overcompetitive sports; for others, early sexuality or economic exploitation (children wielding more money and being strongly pursued as a consumer group). But regardless of form, hurrying leaves children trying to deal with adult concerns. While such kids may seem sophisticated, the deeper reality is that they are still children. This false maturation interferes with real maturation, and leads to problems in adolescence and adulthood.

Dr. Elkind gives this book more popular appeal by making his case gently- there are no "Dr. Laura" type challenges here. But if the reader will think through the implications of this book, it is clear that children are being "hurried" because parents aren't making the kinds of choices necessary for a fulfilling and protective family life. Instead, they pursue personal, material and status-oriented goods, very often to the detriment of the family. This is not because they don't care for their kids, but because our culture is so steeped in radical individualism and materialism that the very idea of what a family is supposed to be is lost. It is no surprise that the children suffer as a result, in terms of both emotional and character development.

I would propose a more profound solution than the "moderation" one to be found in this book. The cult of the individual needs to be overthrown. Parents should never make family-altering choices based solely on personal desires; the good of the children and the family unit as a whole should strongly influence what each member does. In addition, the excessive emphasis on "achieving independence" in childhood should be balanced with a recognition that all children need to be nurtured according to their stage of development. Children are not ready to be "individuals" in the adult sense of the term, which is why they are so easily influenced by peers, advertisers and celebrities. A strong, loving and non-hurrying family is a far more healthy source of influence than such factors. The more parents recognize and act upon these realities, the less kids will be "hurried", and the more they will be "trained up in the way they should go."

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Past its expiration date, April 27, 2010

By 

C. Ackerman (San Diego, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, Third Edition (Paperback)

I confess that I read this book because I already agreed with its conclusions and was looking for more rigorous support of what I have seen so extensively in an anecdotal manner. Case and point: this weekend, I overheard someone talk about how the school they attended as a child had the motto `College starts at two'. (This person and most of their friends got into elite universities. . . and then dropped out and spent several years figuring out what they wanted to do with their lives before returning to school.)

So when Elkind writes, "Hurrying children into adulthood violates the sanctity of life by giving one period priority over another. But if we really value human life, we will value each period equally give unto each stage of life what is appropriate to that stage." --- I can only agree with that.

By the end of this book, however, I was reminded of the quote by Daniel Dennett: "There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear." There are two major problems with this book.

First, it's been inconsistently updated. Reagan's surgeon general is quoted in present tense and then there are references to Harry Potter. This really undermines the book, which is a broad category of nonfiction that could be called `alarming trends'. Like many of these books, this one grabs at anything recent that seems to support its main argument. But when time has passed since some spike in a statistic, it loses its ability to incite alarm. It does nothing for the book that it sees as evidence in its favor the spike in violence toward teachers in the late 1970s. I'm sure that the rate of violence toward teachers has gone up and down since then --- crime rates on the whole have dropped dramatically since then --- so tying the main argument to such things only diminishes the credibility. And it's not even clear where all this information is coming from, so a reference to a trend over `the last decade' leaves you wondering what decade Elkind had in mind.

Actually, Elkind is just plain dated. His theoretical basis --- Freud, Piaget, Hans Selye --- were big in academia in the 1950s and 1960s. Only Piaget has really retained his standing. Selye seems more forgotten than rejected, though I think that most people, if they were informed of his views, would recognize that his conception of stress was very one-sided because it seems to imply that not moving at all is the key to a long happy life. And Freud has largely been reduced to a novelty over the last quarter century as it becomes increasingly clear that therapy based on his ideas has poor success rates and his cultural impact is seen in a more negative light (the way we now think of all touch as sexual, the moral panic over child abuse in the 1980s based on suddenly remembered memories, etc.).

Second, Elkind is talking about sociological topics but thinks like a therapist. The logical way to structure this book is to talk about what children are capable of doing at particular ages and then compare that to what is expected of them and then explain the forces that push us toward demanding so much of children so early. Instead, this book feels like someone with a romanticized view of childhood clutching at their hair and moaning, "Too soon! Too soon!" The book is very anecdote based and seems driven more by a generalized anxiety about what's happening to children than levelheaded analysis. It also leads to some rather arbitrary conclusions, like disagreeing with a girl who thinks she's being hurried because she has four hours of homework each night and claiming that Brittney Spears is more developmentally appropriate for girls than Madonna.

So when it comes time to explain why children are hurried, Elkind explains it in terms of Freudian family dynamics with only a vague awareness of how much of this has to do with economics --- the economics of corporations creating new markets and new desire on one hand and people's anxieties about falling behind economically on the other. Likewise, his `what to do' section starts off by saying that you can't change culture and suggesting semi-therapeutic responses.

So honestly, I don't see much reason for reading this. It would have been great to read in the 1980s, but today it's not going to persuade the skeptical and it doesn't offer much advice to those trying to figure out what is the appropriate age for children to be doing things and how to combat unreasonable pressures. If someone can suggest a recent book that does do things like that, please drop me a line in the comment section.