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The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, Third Edition

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"The Hurried Child"by David Elkind gives concrete examples of some of the emotional,intellectual and social consequences of hurrying a child's development by both parent and teachers. Children today are under an enormous amount of pressure to act, dress and assume adult roles and responsibilities. This hurrying causes stress in very young children as well as adolescents. I think the book addresses a lot of issues that have negative impact on all children. I learned a great deal about what constitutes hurrying in young children. The author brings forth the fact that hurrying takes place in both the home and school settings. Children are pushed to read earlier than they are developmentally ready; do math and behave in ways that most theorists like Erikson and Piaget have shown to be in direct conflict with children's cognitive and emotional development. The book was excellent in demonstrating the impact of outside influences such as T.V, movies,records and the media on children's development. The achievements and limitations of the major stages of development were long recognised by Piaget on cognitive development and by Erikson on emotional development. The book emphasized that when children's needs become subordinate to parental needs their emotional as well as cognitive growth is affected. I recommend that anyone who gets a chance to read this book does so, especially parents and educators of young children.

Agnes.

In The Hurried Child, Dr. Elkind does a competent job of describing a seriously problematic trend- the increasing inability and even unwillingness to appropriately "cushion" children from the modern world. The message is simple and eloquent: millions of children are simply not experiencing a proper childhood for a multitude of reasons. For some, it may be overcompetitive sports; for others, early sexuality or economic exploitation (children wielding more money and being strongly pursued as a consumer group). But regardless of form, hurrying leaves children trying to deal with adult concerns. While such kids may seem sophisticated, the deeper reality is that they are still children. This false maturation interferes with real maturation, and leads to problems in adolescence and adulthood.

Dr. Elkind gives this book more popular appeal by making his case gently- there are no "Dr. Laura" type challenges here. But if the reader will think through the implications of this book, it is clear that children are being "hurried" because parents aren't making the kinds of choices necessary for a fulfilling and protective family life. Instead, they pursue personal, material and status-oriented goods, very often to the detriment of the family. This is not because they don't care for their kids, but because our culture is so steeped in radical individualism and materialism that the very idea of what a family is supposed to be is lost. It is no surprise that the children suffer as a result, in terms of both emotional and character development.

I would propose a more profound solution than the "moderation" one to be found in this book. The cult of the individual needs to be overthrown. Parents should never make family-altering choices based solely on personal desires; the good of the children and the family unit as a whole should strongly influence what each member does. In addition, the excessive emphasis on "achieving independence" in childhood should be balanced with a recognition that all children need to be nurtured according to their stage of development. Children are not ready to be "individuals" in the adult sense of the term, which is why they are so easily influenced by peers, advertisers and celebrities. A strong, loving and non-hurrying family is a far more healthy source of influence than such factors. The more parents recognize and act upon these realities, the less kids will be "hurried", and the more they will be "trained up in the way they should go."

I confess that I read this book because I already agreed with its conclusions and was looking for more rigorous support of what I have seen so extensively in an anecdotal manner. Case and point: this weekend, I overheard someone talk about how the school they attended as a child had the motto `College starts at two'. (This person and most of their friends got into elite universities. . . and then dropped out and spent several years figuring out what they wanted to do with their lives before returning to school.)

So when Elkind writes, "Hurrying children into adulthood violates the sanctity of life by giving one period priority over another. But if we really value human life, we will value each period equally give unto each stage of life what is appropriate to that stage." --- I can only agree with that.

By the end of this book, however, I was reminded of the quote by Daniel Dennett: "There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear." There are two major problems with this book.

First, it's been inconsistently updated. Reagan's surgeon general is quoted in present tense and then there are references to Harry Potter. This really undermines the book, which is a broad category of nonfiction that could be called `alarming trends'. Like many of these books, this one grabs at anything recent that seems to support its main argument. But when time has passed since some spike in a statistic, it loses its ability to incite alarm. It does nothing for the book that it sees as evidence in its favor the spike in violence toward teachers in the late 1970s. I'm sure that the rate of violence toward teachers has gone up and down since then --- crime rates on the whole have dropped dramatically since then --- so tying the main argument to such things only diminishes the credibility. And it's not even clear where all this information is coming from, so a reference to a trend over `the last decade' leaves you wondering what decade Elkind had in mind.

Actually, Elkind is just plain dated. His theoretical basis --- Freud, Piaget, Hans Selye --- were big in academia in the 1950s and 1960s. Only Piaget has really retained his standing. Selye seems more forgotten than rejected, though I think that most people, if they were informed of his views, would recognize that his conception of stress was very one-sided because it seems to imply that not moving at all is the key to a long happy life. And Freud has largely been reduced to a novelty over the last quarter century as it becomes increasingly clear that therapy based on his ideas has poor success rates and his cultural impact is seen in a more negative light (the way we now think of all touch as sexual, the moral panic over child abuse in the 1980s based on suddenly remembered memories, etc.).

Second, Elkind is talking about sociological topics but thinks like a therapist. The logical way to structure this book is to talk about what children are capable of doing at particular ages and then compare that to what is expected of them and then explain the forces that push us toward demanding so much of children so early. Instead, this book feels like someone with a romanticized view of childhood clutching at their hair and moaning, "Too soon! Too soon!" The book is very anecdote based and seems driven more by a generalized anxiety about what's happening to children than levelheaded analysis. It also leads to some rather arbitrary conclusions, like disagreeing with a girl who thinks she's being hurried because she has four hours of homework each night and claiming that Brittney Spears is more developmentally appropriate for girls than Madonna.

So when it comes time to explain why children are hurried, Elkind explains it in terms of Freudian family dynamics with only a vague awareness of how much of this has to do with economics --- the economics of corporations creating new markets and new desire on one hand and people's anxieties about falling behind economically on the other. Likewise, his `what to do' section starts off by saying that you can't change culture and suggesting semi-therapeutic responses.

So honestly, I don't see much reason for reading this. It would have been great to read in the 1980s, but today it's not going to persuade the skeptical and it doesn't offer much advice to those trying to figure out what is the appropriate age for children to be doing things and how to combat unreasonable pressures. If someone can suggest a recent book that does do things like that, please drop me a line in the comment section.

I read this book a few months back and I'm still not decided on whether I 'loved' this book or not. I did like the book. It provided a lot of information I wasn't aware of, but I'm not sure I really liked the set-up of the book or some of the content. The main focus of this book is basically what hidden aspects of growing up stress a child out, and how that stress affects a childs development. He touches on some of the basic aspects like divorce, and death, but most of the book focus's on things that force a child to grow up too quickly. The main conclusion of every single argument in the book is anything that forces a child to grow up too quickly or puts pressure on a child beyond their natural capabilites is stressful for a child.

The first half of the book is kind of a summary of the second half of the book, which almost makes the first half pointless. The whole time I was reading it I was getting a lot of interesting information/opinions with very little proof of the points he was making. But the authors points and the information he was providing was interesting. The best chapter of the first half of the book is the chapter on Lapware (computerized learning devices). He provided great arguments, and very valid proof to back up his claims. His information would be great to base future lapware studies on. I don't want to blow this chapter for you, but his basic point is that lapware doesn't teach a child anything that he/she doesn't already know.

The second half of this book is extremely well organized, and perfect for parents, or anyone with basic knowledge of child-development. I study child development and I don't know that I've read a better book or text-book that puts Piagets development periods or Erikksons theories into better context than this book does. The way he was able to use those theories in connection with his own research, and other research was excellent. It almost makes me wish this book had a broader range of topic. I could apply the information in this book to pretty much every child I know. If you have a child that shows any self-confidence problems this book will be very helpful to you. There's nothing mentioned in the title or the description about self-confidence, but after reading the book it's easy to see how the demands put on your child affect their confidence.

There is a lot of basic information on various topics from the basic biological reactions of stress, to how schools operate. He makes very compelling arguments against the idea of "early is better" in education. He also provides good evidence in favor of keeping the arts in schools by showing that activities like gym, music, and art help children relieve stress which helps them focus more on academics (in addition to their artistic values).

At times I found some of the information in the book repetitive. He touches on certain subjects like divorce, drugs, and education numerous times. It's all good information, but I would have liked to have read more on media effects and social aspects with other peers than was offered.

Perhaps the best thing about this book is that it provides a good balance between statistical data based research without being so dense it's not readable by an average parent. The writing style is very basic, and his research is based on stats just as much as his own experiences as a therapist. So he backs up any technical data with a personal example to explain it and back it up. It's somewhat of a perfect book for parents looking to understand more about their children, and people looking for an easy book to read with solid research.

The author cautions against rushing life for young people
and placing too many artificial pressures on them. These
pressures come in the form of standardized tests, overscheduling
and excessive concentration on child competence issues instead
of allowing young people to mature. Children are in essence
miniature adults. In addition, the author cautions against
assembly-line learning. Type A competitive children grow into
adults with more cholesterol in the blood than normal.
On international comparison tests, American students tend to
achieve lower scores despite all the pressure to do well.
Only 1/5 of 17 year olds can write a persuasive essay.
Clearly, the author has some important points to make.
The readers should heed this advice and apply it accordingly.
There is a need for balance in life. In this respect, the author
has some important points to teach college administrators and
parents. A wide constituency of educators needs to read this
book dispassionately and apply it for the benefit of students.

This is a really good book. I think that all parents should read it and learn to slow down in all aspects of their own life and that of their children. Some of what the author says is commonsense but much is sobering and needs to be said.
It is a book I will continually refer to, to help me ensure that I'm on track and not rushing my children to grow up. Childhood is so short.

This book is a great resource for parents and teachers. As an aunt, godmother, teacher and friend to many children of all ages, I turn to this book often. If you believe that children deserve a childhood, then this book is for you.

Elkind shows a keen insite into the brain of youth. A must read for parents concerned about the progress of their child.

Enough denial

Dr. Elkind is a veteran of decades in child psychology. As such, he’s surely seen the harsh realities modern adults perpetrate on their kids: the explosions in divorce, drug abuse, criminal behavior, imprisonment, and instability among older grownups once thought immune to these problems. Consider these shocking changes: in 1970, a 40 year-old parent was only one-sixth as likely to be arrested for a felony as his/her 14 year-old teen; today, the teen is more likely to be visiting dad or mom in jail. No generation of teens has ever suffered the kind of hard-drug addiction, family chaos, and adult disarray that modern youth routinely face.

Yet, Dr. Elkind has remained steadfastly oblivious. Adults are fine, he insists; just a bit overworked and too trusting. The big problem, he soothes, is that we tragically misjudged how “incompetent” children and teenagers are and “hurried” them into premature adulthood while neglecting the evil influences of pop culture, the media, and peers.

Well, someone should call an end to this charade, which is not Dr. Elkind’s alone, but a general American delusion. I only wish the kids I worked with in their families for 15 years, and the statistics I studied upon returning to graduate school, confirmed that the problem is as simple as Dr. Elkind depicts. But it isn’t.

First, the kids are fine; it’s the adults who have gotten worse. Teens (despite their bad publicity) have proven admirably competent in assuming responsibilities at younger ages, which modern family instability (not pop culture) forced on them. Dr. Elkind (quoting secondhand sources he apparently never checked) claims in his 1998 and 2001 books that teenage suicide and murder have tripled in 20 years, that “more than 5,000 teens adolescents take their own lives every year,” that “substance abuse has become epidemic,” rising numbers of children commit “adult crimes (theft, robbery, murder),” that U.S. teens suffer the highest pregnancy rates of any industrial nation, and that “children in contemporary America, including advantaged children, are less well off than they were a couple of decades ago.”

All of these statements are demonstrably false except the teen pregnancy claim, and that was more true in the 1950s than today. In fact:

- The latest FBI statistics have shown for several years that teenage felony, violence, murder, and other crime have fallen to their lowest levels in 25 to 30 years. In states that keep detailed records, it is clear that the temporary surge in teenage murder in the early 1990s affected only poorer youth, nearly all connected to gang conflict over supplying hard drugs to aging Baby-Boom addicts. Meanwhile, suburban and other “advantaged” youth are safer from violence and murder than at any time in decades.

- Teenage murder is a factor of poverty, not culture (and not race). Black youth suffer murder rates 20 times higher than white youth, and poorer white youth (ie, in Oklahoma) have murder rates seven times higher than more affluent white youth (ie, in Minnesota).

- Teenage property crime (burglary, theft, motor vehicle theft, arson) levels are at their lowest level in 30 years, as are felony rates in general. - Particularly among younger kids (12 and younger), FBI statistics show murder arrests are at their lowest level in 1999 than at any time since data were first collected nearly 40 years ago.

- Never, in nearly 100 years of U.S. mortality reports, have younger teenagers been safer from violent death than they are today.

- The latest National Center for Health Statistics show 1,900 adolescents (under age 20) committed suicide in the most recent year, far below the “more than 5,000” Dr. Elkind quotes. Why on earth would he exaggerate teen suicide 250% and make it appear more normative?

- Teen pregnancy rates are at their lowest level in 30 years (and birth rates at their lowest level since the 1940s). The U.S. rate is not due to teenage incompetence or pop culture, but poverty. U.S. teens who enjoy poverty rates as low as Western Europe’s (i.e., suburban teens) have birth and abortion rates as low as Europe’s; U.S. teens who suffer high rates of poverty have birth and abortion rates five to 20 times higher. How much longer are American authorities going to deny this?

But false claims that today’s kids are uniquely messed up apparently are what modern adults want to hear. The unpalatable facts are that among adults ages 30-60 (the ones parenting teenagers) in the past 30 years, divorce rates doubled, drug abuse rose 400%, felony arrests doubled, imprisonments rose 300%, and an unquantifiable selfishness relegated childraising and children’s welfare far below adult needs. Anyone who doubts these trends is encouraged to consult your state crime, drug abuse, and prison agency reports.

Instead of facing these troubling adult trends, a massive denial prevails, one insisting our kids and their “acting out” is what plagues the nation. In reality, we don’t know why kids got better as adults got worse, but surely that’s an intriguing question for psychologists and other experts to put aside their popular cliches and ponder. Dr. Elkind could do a tremendous favor by abandoning his specious claims that teenagers are incompetent and rushed into precocity by cultural influences. Youths

themselves don’t have the luxury to evade adult-imposed poverty, domestic violence, and parental addiction and disarray, so why should we let Ph.D.s get away with denial?

...

The Hurried Child by David Elkin is a great resources and a must read for parents and teachers. This book outlines many of the causes associated with the hurrying of children in today's society. Some of the causes, such as media, are apparent to most adults; however, there are other causes, such as specific types of parent and child relationships, which are not so apparent. This book explains what the role of the parent should be and the detrimental effects of a parent not fulfilling this roles. Elkin explains that many children welcome the hurrying at younger ages, because it gives them the illusion that they are maturing. In contrast, by the time these children reach adolescence they resent their previous hurrying and place the blame on their parents. It is this early hurrying which leads many of today's adolescence to engage in less than honorable activities.

While many causes are explained, Elkin does not list many solutions. Of course, a solution would be to stop implementing the causes, but how does one go about correcting the hurrying once it has begun or once the hurried child has reached adolescence? These questions could be addressed in more depth.

Despite the lack of listed solutions, I would recommend this book to any parent or teacher. It is helpful to understand what hurries our children and how the hurrying affects them. This knowledge will help us understand the grief of our youth thus, helping us to become better teachers and parents.