Customer Reviews

Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned At Harvard Business School

5 star:		(25)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(19)

 

 

I'm a CyberRomance Coach (www.KathrynBLord.com), and
wrote this review of Rachel Greenwood's book for my
enewsletter of 10/1/2003:

A couple of weeks ago, I heard from a reader about this
new book by Rachel Greenwald "Find a Husband after 35."
Despite the trite (but definitely clear) title,
Greenwald has some new things to say to single people,
no matter what their age or gender.

I read the book in practically one sitting -- not
because it was short or an easy read (neither), but
because Greenwald's angle was so interesting. The
author has an M. B. A. from Harvard, and uses a strict
business and marketing approach to finding a mate.
She is "no-nonsense" -- doesn't care about why one is
still single, puts up with no excuses for getting real
and getting moving. Her Program (and she calls it that
- The Program) is all about action.

Greenwald's first of fifteen steps "to find a husband
in 12 to 18 months" is making finding a mate your #1

priority. And Greenwald MEANS #1. She writes that
if a woman is not married, wants to be, and is over 35,
it's an emergency and needs to be treated as such.

She writes on about the importance of setting a budget
(she recommends 10 to 20 percent of your net income),
paying close attention to packaging -- "creating you
best look," "branding" -- not the painful hot iron to
skin type, advertising, online marketing (Internet
dating), on and on. Most made terrific sense. But

my teeth really got set on edge with the
"Telemarketing" chapter. Ooo-eee! There's got to be
legislation coming to stop THAT one.

This book does the very best in the chapter on "Market
Expansion." Greenwald does a great job in helping the
reader question going for a particular "type" when
looking for a mate. She encourages vastly expanding
the criteria one is willing to consider, telling
yourself and others merely that you are looking for
"someone wonderful," and keeping in mind that the
package may end up looking far different from what you
had fantasized. Women and men of all ages could
benefit from reading just pages 68 - 80.

The clearest message from Greenwald's book is the need
for focus and action. I frankly have no doubt if you
diligently followed her marketing steps (and she even
has a way of proceeding if The Program does not seem
to be "working"), you WOULD be partnered within 18
months. What's impossible to imagine is that you

would NOT be.

But "The Program" is not for the faint-hearted or the
ambivalent. It's hard work, driven, and success-
oriented. Reading this book may help you assess
how really committed you are to find a mate.

Greenwald's three "Priority Questions" are:

1. Is finding a husband the most important goal in
your life right now?

2. Except for something illegal or immoral, would
you do anything to find a husband?

3. Are you committed to devoting the required time,

energy, and money to find your husband?

So, what do you think? Is your mate search REALLY a
priority for you? If not, maybe that's part of the
problem.

My mother bought this for my sister (who is over 35, as am I). I thought it would be useful for me to read it since I might like to find a wife at some point (although right now, as of October 2003, I am getting over some stuff and am not ready to get married right away.) And I thought it would be useful to see if anyone is using the tactics in this book on me.

I spotted at least three of Ms Greenwald's tactics being used on me, but nothing very exciting. As far as I can tell, no one is plotting to get married to me right now.

First, some women do send polite refusals to my online dating emails, as recommended in the book. (Ms Greenwald's reason for actually bothering to respond to emails from unattractive men is to create the possibility of an unsuitable suitor being moved to recommend you to one of his friends who does meet your criteria--- as if any self-respecting man who cares about his friends' happiness would do such a thing!)

Second, my ex did once ask me out to dinner at the last moment (while she was ex, not while she was my partner) at the last moment to test my spontaneity. She came right out and said, "I was testing you to see if you would do something spontaneous." (I do not know if she has actually read the book, but her action came right out of its pages. Ms Greenwald recommends testing a man for spontaneity and other qualities throughout the dating process. Ms Greenwald actually recommends calling the man on Thursday and demanding that he takes you on a romantic trip to a bed and breakfast that very weekend--- even though men hate staying at bed and breakfasts.)

And thirdly I have noticed women waiting for me to make the first move, as recommended in the book (because making the first move would allegedly strike the man as unfeminine.)

These are not very positive comments, but I will say that there are some good commonsense ideas in here. The author's basic message is that a woman has to go out into the world and make her presence known if she wants to find a mate, because that is where her future husband is--- out there in the world. That is not bad advice, and the basic outlines of her plan are sound--- even though some of the details of her plan give me the creeps, and I would be a little (maybe more than a little) frightened if any woman actually used this plan on me.

I know it's a wacked out book, but I read the darn thing in one sitting and when I was done I thought, "it's going to happen, I'm going to meet someone, the nightmare of my past relationships is going to be over and I'm going to get married someday."

I did the plan, met a guy within 3 months and we live together as a family with my son, we're engaged, we plan on having a child together after we wed in the spring. I think the thing that's important is this: I wasted my time on bad men and relationships that were never going to work. This book got me to establish a 0 tolerance policy against losers.

It also got me in the mindset for Internet dates of, this is not the first date of our relationship, I'm just meeting a person. We're just meeting. Thank him for dinner and stand up and go home.

I mean, I can say a lot, of course it's a flawed book, and some of it is such overkill, it's laughable, but it did work for me. So good luck to all the single people out there. To find the right person does require sacrifice, and in essence, that's what this book is about.

But from one who is in the happiest time of my life, I have to say that being is love is the greatest thing ever. It was worth all the pain, and all the waiting.

"It's not true that there is one path that's right for everyone. Find your own truth." - Ram Das

Anonymous

Skimmed through the book...did not have to read this one. If you ever visited match.com, you will discover she writes a column for finding love over 40. She uses all of her book there...she quotes from it extensively. Women write in saying they don't want a man with kids...she tells them they are too picky, the kids could be dolls and she is throwing away a man who can commit (no, he can reproduce...big difference.) One said he was fat, a smoker (lied about both) and had raging BO...she suggested staying with him and nudging him toward a healthy lifestyle and deodorant(if a grown man cannot figure out basic hygiene, that is not the woman's problem...and vice versa.) One met a man who was unemployed...she told her to give him a chance because things happen sometimes and he could be a prince in a frog's life(there are men and women happy to mooch though, why waste time?)

Yes she has one point I agree with--some people set their standards way too high...oh he has a slightly receding hairline...Gotta run. I want someone who makes 75K or more, and his last tax return said 74K...hittin' the road. Her column and book are asking women to overlook flaws and hide who they are, not diminish a perfectionist streak. Besides, those who crave perfection in a mate are subconsciously pushing relationships away anyways and won't be reading this book.

No one would write a book to men and say "if she reeks, give her a chance, she could be a sweetie." "If she is ugly/fat/unsightly she may have a heart of gold and you are being too picky." "If she hates your dog, get rid of the dog if you want a wife." Most men I know would ditch the chick for the dog...a wise choice to me. My dog and cats have outlasted every relationship I have had because relationships are about mutual compromise...not one person giving up him/herself to cause a fake mesh with someone else.

You don't need to read the book to know her premise...settle for what you can get after 35. I think I will pass again...if Rachel paid for Harvard, clearly she was not planning to settle for any business school. Why settle when it comes to something that is supposed to last longer than 3 years?

This book is excellent because if you follow the plan, you will eventually find yourself in the right pool of people and face to face with someone who is good for you. However, if you do not make the most of it and sabotage the opportunity (which most people do) you will find yourself back at square one with a heartache. I recommend this book but in addition, I recommend Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self to show you how to eliminate self-sabotage, be your best regardless of any circumstance and make the most of any situation.

At first glance, this book seems like yet another "find a husband after 35" book. But instead of just targeting women because they are (ahem) older, it actually gives women a plan. A business plan, that is. Written by a successful businesswoman, this book actually lays out a marketing plan to catch a husband.

As a marketing professional turned professional matchmaker, I loved the author's many analogies to marketing. The reason this book IS different is that it is written for women who understand business. It discusses the "strategy" of finding a husband versus the "chance encounter" approach. Any professional woman who likes the structure of a marketing plan will love this book. Plus, if marketing isn't your forte, it will also give you a crash course in basic marketing ... and that can't help but help your career, as well as your love life.

This book focuses on a 15-step program to catch a hubby. Yes, that's a full 5 steps further than any Cosmo girl has ever gone, but the 15 steps aren't as overwhelming as they first might seem. Each step is based on sound marketing principles that we "over 35" women use every day. Things like making "the program" your top priority to developing an exit strategy (which means the man you're dating has to be marriage material or he goes in the dumpster lickety-split).

Bottom Line-if you're a smart and savvy woman who wants a plan for her love life, this book is a great addition to your romantic education.

Being a guy who read this book, I wanted to add my 2 cents to the debate after having read several of the reviews, including a few five star and one star reviews. My impression, being an MBA grad myself, is that the Greenward believes that you can market yourself (e.g. by creating a superior "brand") the same way Proctor and Gamble markets Crest toothpaste! In my humble opinion, to say that this analogy is utterly RIDICULOUS would be an understatement.

As far as spending money to make yourself look good, there is no doubt that we all would feel better about ourselves and have more self-confidence if we felt that we had done something that made us more physically attractive. Also, I will be the first one to admit that many men (and women) are shallow in that they prefer to date people with good looks rather than a good personality and a warm heart (ideally of course we'd like both but that's quite rare). However, I don't believe that a relationship can last even close to a lifetime if it's based primarily on looks since looks CHANGE with time; let's face it, a woman or a man doesn't look the same at age 40+ as she/he did at age 20. So my advice to anyone considering reading the book is save your money and spend it doing something you enjoy. By the way, don't be impressed and fooled by the "Harvard MBA" label that she peddles; if you ask me, the letter H from HBS (Harvard Business School) should be dropped so that the name is simply BS!

I have to say that she did learn to use the skills that she acquired in B school, since she peddles the book to a target audience who are most likely going to buy the book; people who for whatever reason (may not be their fault at all) haven't yet found the right person, and may be worried that it will never happen (this is the same marketing strategy of the late night infomercials which promise their customers that they'll make millions of $$$ overnight by following the ad's get-rich-quick scheme, and target the people most in need of some extra cash, i.e., the unemployed and elderly).

Rachel Greenwald asks her readers up-front if finding a husband is their NUMBER ONE DO OR DIE priority in life, and she's not kidding! She promises results in 12-18 months, but only if a single woman is prepared to mount her husband search with the laser-focused intensity of a scientist seeking a cure for cancer. Most women would say "Sure--I'd really like to get married"--but they haven't absorbed the true meaning of commitment to this enterprise until they read this book. According to Greenwald, it is perfectly reasonable to: change your job, quit your job, move to a new city, feign an interest in building log furniture, or, if a single parent, leave your children with a baby-sitter 3-5 nights out of the week while searching for an eligible Mr. Right. When it comes down to the wire, many women will read this and conclude that they are unwilling to go this far, which means that they don't actually want to be married badly enough. Greenwald admits that her program is not for everybody. If you are shy and have difficulty striking up conversations with new people, or if you find the idea of calling absolutely everyone you have ever met in your life to ask for a fix-up distasteful, or if the whole concept of marketing yourself as a piece of prime product to eligible buyers (aka, single men) makes you feel sick to your stomach--you will have to get over it fast, or you are probably not a candidate for Greenwald's program. If you are willing to absolutely do what it takes to find a mate, there is useful, bracing advice here. Greenwald does not pull any punches or sugar-coat the realities of dating after 35--it is ugly out there. For those tired of nursing bitter rants about the unfairness of it all, this book offers a fresh and positive start. While some of her advice goes slightly round the bend (is it advisable to become a volunteer firefighter or EMT for the sole purpose of finding a man?), on the whole she applies sound business marketing practices to the quest for a happy personal relationship. While finding a spouse is the desired end result, those who take Greenwald's advice will also develop the skills to broaden their social network with all kinds of people, not just eligible men. One could easily apply the steps of her program in order to successfully network for a new job or start one's own business (once happily married, of course). Once one completes this book, she will have received an excellent grounding in solid business principles, all without going to an Ivy League business school.

Depending on how vigorously a reader has to shake up her personal life in order to implement this plan (relocate, find a job in a man-friendly field, complete volunteer firefighter training, etc), it will almost certainly take longer than a year to complete. However, any woman who does follow this system can assure herself that she has left no stone unturned in her quest, and has done everything humanly possible to end her single state. Women of means who already live in a metropolitan area with lots of social possibilities will benefit the quickest, but any woman can find ways to improve her odds for meeting her future husband. At the end of the day, that's all we can really expect for an investment in a book, isn't it? I'm kinda glad Rachel Greenwald is not in my immediate family (or my boss) because she is one formidable lady! She is also happily married, after taking her own advice, so what she proposes does work for those willing to invest the not inconsiderable effort. And there's always serendipity--you could buy this book and stumble into your future husband in line at the bookstore, all without cracking a page. If so, Greenwald will still deserve some credit for bringing two lovebirds together.

I give this book five stars because I think it was well written and easy to read. I think it covers a topical issue and will be a bestseller. The writer comes across as very straight forward and sincere. She tells you up front that if you are going to follow her steps and be successful you need to put all your time, energy and money into finding a husband. She does not outline a step without giving practical tips on how to take action. There is one section with tips covering from the hair to the toenail. The questions and answers at the end were very good. She knows that the average woman is going to think these steps have elements of desperation. Which woman wants to come across as desperate? The writer spends time dealing with this issue and assuring the readers that they will not come across to friends, family, and associates as desperate.

I liked the concept of developing your own personal brand. I disliked the idea of writing everyone in your address book and Rolodex and asking them to help you in the quest for a husband. I disliked the concept of an Exit Interview conducted by one of your friends. I don't think many women will follow the steps verbatim. You have to be bold and fearless to adopt these 15 steps as a way of life.

There are millions books with advice how to behave on a date and other relationship tips. Those book always left me puzzled: how should I use all those tips if I don't get any dates in the first place? I read this book a year a ago (my sister gave it to me on my 35th birthday) and was excited to finally learn many ways HOW TO MEET a guy. I conducted "packaging interviews" and have got very useful tips from my male and female friends on clothes, hairstyle and first impression I make. I was sometimes very surprised at their answers - for example, a colleague of mine told me I was notorious in the office for an extremely messy desk. Good that I asked her honest opinion! Since then I have revised my clothing and habits and believe that I look much better and more feminine.

As I was reading the book, I reached the chapter that suggests to rethink your neighbourhood and workplace in terms of opportunities to meet men. The following year I focused on finding a new better job in a bigger city. I actually used Rachel's technics for my job search. I created a personal (professional) logo and let all my friends now that i was despereately looking for a new job. It worked well! Two months ago I moved to the nicest city in my country. I have a great job, where I get to meet a lot of men. Although I have a good MBA degree myself, I did not exactly know how to market myself - neither for job nor for dating. Thank you, Rachel!

Yesterday I posted an internet ad. I am really looking forward to using Rachel's program further and hope to find a steady boyfriend soon.

I am especially looking forward to the event management part. I am glad I finally learnt that I need to ASK my guests to bring their single friends to the party. I have done many parties but always just hoped that my friends will figure it out themselves.

I have actually login to amazon today to order the book for a single friend of mine and I do recommend the book for women and men as a guidance to self marketing . Good luck with your dating!