Customer Reviews

Hyper-Parenting : Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

If you've fallen victim to seeing parenting as a competitive sport, you need to read this book. Rosen has nothing against Baby Mozart, soccer leagues, and all the other activities that parents and kids adopt for the best intentions. But he and his coauthor are reasonable voices, pointing out that by micromanaging our children's lives, we're giving them the message that they can neither function or make judgments without parental intervention. This is an excellent book that will help both parent and child.

Hyper-Parenting possesses the best of intentions, and is not lacking in insight and even, in places, eloquence. But the overall message is confusing and disjointed, and I was left unsatisfied in the end.

One big problem is that what "hyper-parenting" means precisely is never truly established. One chapter criticizes the perfectly natural tendency to cherish a child in the womb. Another chapter discusses stressed children being pressured to ???excel??? in status-laden endeavors. Are both these totally different situations "hyper-parenting?" In one spot we are rightfully reminded that "the important and meaningful connections [with our kids]defy scheduling." But in another place, we are apparently encouraged to schedule yet more time away from the kids "for the things we want to do." Why, so we can be sure to miss those important and meaningful connections? Can the reader be blamed for feeling a little confused?

The authors seem to assume that families are frazzled mostly because parents just take too much time doing things for the kids. Potential stress-builders, according to the book, include not only individualistic activities like music lessons and sports, but also family-building activities like nightly dinner at home. Unstructured family time is praised, but the book's assumption seems to be that this time will be suddenly abundant if we just quit karate. The possibility that Mom and Dad each take 50+ hours a week to work, and that this might be a big contributing factor, basically goes unaddressed. Such a one-sided view of the busyness problems suffered many families is not likely to be very helpful in the real world.

The book is plagued in several spots by poor philosophy. The authors talk sincerely of ethics, but then take an entire chapter decrying excessive "self-sacrifice" and "martyrdom". But the problems the book describes are based mostly on status seeking or an inadequate understanding of family life. The differences between these poor choices and authentic self-giving are not considered. The last chapter treats us to a relativistic essay about how we each need to figure out the fundamental questions of life based on "feelings." So objective reality has nothing to do with the fundamental questions of life? Was this shallow pop philosophy really necessary?

Fundamentally, this book doesn't succeed as well as it could because it combines too many topics under one umbrella without doing a sufficient job of defining terms, making distinctions and just thinking things through. What could have been a fine book ends up inconsistent and somewhat rambling. It needs to be re-written.

Dr. Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise remind us of what is really important and valuable in our lives. So many parents, in the process of pushing themselves and their children to win, succeed and outstrip the next guy, lose sight of what truly matters. The authors also remind us of the loss of joy and delight that parents deprive themselves of in the rat race to raise overscheduled and underappreciated kids. A highly readable book for parents which can help them lead more meaningful lives.

Hyper-Parenting is perhaps the best parenting book I have ever read. In a world full of opportunities and choices for our kids, its refreshing to get clear, helpful advice from experts who clearly understand what our children are going through. I found this book extremely well-written and useful, and would highly recommend it to any parent who loves his/her children and wants to do what's best.

This book had to be written! It needs to be read by every parent battling the loss of leisure. Setting limits defies the seeming perfect parent syndrom we have adopted. For those of us who have let the rat race control too much of our lives, it's not too late for change. Do you ever have one of those days when you just have to get away from it all, but can't because that unrelenting calendar is demanding every minute of your day? Do you have time to smell the roses, sit and enjoy your child chasing a butterfly, or find a quite romantic moment to spend alone with your spouse - talking about anything but the kids and who has to be where when? If the answer is no to any of these questions, this book is for you. If you have ever been seriously ill, as I have, you realize that it's the little things: the family time, the unscheduled time, the laughs and talks, that, above all else, create an atmospher our children can thrive in. Dr. Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise bring it all into focus, and make us realize that by "doing it all" and "being it all", we are not helping our family, we are breaking down the fabrics that holds the best part of it together. This book must be read by every parent with a busy lifestyle. It's refreshing to know that we can stop hyper-parenting and start learning again to have spontaneity, relaxation and a place we can truly feel at home.

The authors put their fingers on a real phenomenon: parents over-programming their kids to the detriment of parents and children alike. The first step to solving a problem is admitting it. In clear, straightforward language thankfully free of jargon, Rosenfeld and Wise give the reader an opportunity to reconsider the meaning of good parenting. I discussed the book with two of my kids who responded with a loud "Duh, Dad, didn't you know that?" I admit, I didn't, but I do now.

This book is a tonic for the harried, anxious souls of modern parents. Writing with passion, clarity, and conviction, the authors get to the heart of why we create frantic family schedules in our quest to be perfect parents. I'm afraid that too many parenting books make matters worse by raising the bar even higher for anxious parents who feel they can never do enough. This book shows how to set realistic standards for oneself as a parent, and to keep first things first in the lives of our children. Couldn't be more timely.

I read this fantastic book while wearing many hats: parent of two, grandparent of six, teacher of 42 years, and currently an author of "Why Our Kids Aren't Learning the Basics." Dr. Rosenfeld (and associates) said exactly what I have been saying (only more succinctly) for the past fifteen years. His advice to parents is right on the money! If parents will heed what he suggests, they will find the word "boredom" eliminated from their child's dialogue. The "bored" child is the one who has never had the opportunity to plan his own day because it has already been scheduled for him! Thank you Dr. Rosenfeld and assoc. for a wonderful blueprint!

Whether you are feeling guilt for not enrolling your child in every activity offered, or exhaustion from an overfull schedule, this book is just what you need to help you find a good balance for yourself and your family.

Hyper-parenting, as Dr. Rosenfeld refers to it, is on the rise, and yet our lives are busier than ever. If we feel the stress, we can believe our kids are experiencing it as well. Micromanaging every detail of our children's lives does not ensure a healthy happy childhood. But then what is the answer?

The authors of THE OVERSCHEDULED CHILD take us on a journey throughout this book, showing us a reflection of ourselves, our families, and our society. And at the end of the journey, after much self-evaluation, they give us simple and effective ways to avoid the hyper-parenting syndrome.

A must-read for any parent, educator, or care-giver, The Over-Scheduled Child is the stress management prescription for parents of all walks of life.

This is the second review I have attempted to write on this book. Maybe this time, it will get in. First, the book is excellent on getting back on track with your family. One of the most important things I'd like to stress, is combining wisdom of this author with two women who are parenting experts and their books: Nationally syndicated parenting expert and columnist, Jodie Lynn, for Mommy-CEO (Constantly Evaluating Others) 5 Golden Rules, much of the book (revised edition) is based on "family time" and not forgetting the little things - which is the new thought provoking change that Dr. Rosenfeld quietly shouts at us parents, and "Talk So Your Kids Will Listen," by author and columnist, Adele Faber, who also says, Listen So Your Kids Will Talk and get behind all actions. No one parenting book will ever have everything for EVERYONE. Parents must buy all three and really let the advice of all three authors sink into old habits and thinking patterns in order for the "NO!" change to take place. It's a do - or go nuts this summer kind of thing. Save yourself and your family mental stress by not only cutting outside activity time but also communicating the reasons in a way your children will agree with and understand. BUY ALL THREE TODAY AND GIVE THEM OUT TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY - they'll love you for it and if not, they will by the time they've read all of the books.