The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. [Paperback]

Gene Weingarten (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 12, 2001

When every hiccup sounds like the call of doom, each stomach pang hints at incipient cancer, and a headache means it's time to firm up your last will and testament, The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. provides just the relief you need. Gene Weingarten has spent his whole life immersed in the eclectic details of bizarre symptoms, self-diagnosing every minor ache as a potentially deadly disease. Weingarten examines:

• The mind of a hypochondriac
• How your doctor can kill you
• Ulcers and other visceral fears
• The snaps, crackles, and pops of your body that spell disaster
• Things that can take an eye out
• Interpreting DocSpeak

Blending the neurotic anxieties of Woody Allen, the folksiness of Garrison Keillor, and the absurdist vision of Dave Barry, Gene Weingarten conjures up a hilarious prescription for the hypochondriac that lurks inside all of us.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

If even paranoids have real enemies, Washington Post "Sunday Style" editor Weingarten humorously demands respect for his own minor mental derangement. Before heading to Washington D. C., Weingarten ran the Miami Herald's Sunday magazine. Miami colleague Dave Barry's foreword reveals some stylistic similarities: like Barry, Weingarten takes an ordinary--or only slightly odd--situation and pushes it to its limit. There's a fair amount of true medical information scattered amid satire, sidebars, and tongue-in-cheek charts in chapters on hypochondria, the hypochondriac's relationship with physicians, and a range of behaviors, symptoms, and conditions (e.g., headaches, hiccups, heart disease, tumors, ulcers, obesity, smoking, alcoholism, pregnancy, excretion, and "things that can take out an eye"). Weingarten proudly claims a lifetime of hypochondria, a disease abruptly cured several years ago when he was diagnosed with hepatitis C: what doctors call "the next epidemic." So perhaps Weingarten is a posthypochondriac who recalls the pleasures of imaginary illnesses while coping with all-too-real health problems. Mary Carroll --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

New York Daily News Flat out the funniest book on hypochondria ever written.

Alexandra Jacobs Entertainment Weekly Weingarten half-merrily, half-anxiously dispenses with journalistic objectivity...and fleshes out concerns about his own mortality in detail that's not for the squeamish.

Allen B. Weisse, M.D. Journal of the American Medical Association If laughter is therapeutic, then this guide is sure to succeed, keeping all of us -- patients and physicians alike -- in stitches.

Jackie Jones Bleecker The San Diego Union-Tribune The definitive laugh-out-loud handbook....Hilarious. And Scary.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (June 12, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684856484
• ISBN-13: 978-0684856483
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 5.4 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #663,106 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a killer, August 17, 2001

By 

E. A. Lovitt "starmoth" (Gladwin, MI USA) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 100 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. (Paperback)

If you're not a hypochondriac before you read "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life and Death," you will be by the time you finish it. Who among us doesn't hiccup, eat vegetables, or experience the occasional twitch in an eyelid?

According to Weingarten, all of these seemingly harmless activities can lead to our imminent demise, accompanied by horrible pain and distressing body noises.

For instance, the only place where we probably can't get cancer is the lens of our eye.

Then there is this really gross tumor called a "teratoma" that can have teeth and hair. If you ever bit the head off of one of those ugly little Smurf® dolls when you were a kid (or as part of a fraternity initiation rite when you were still a kid but had the body of an adult), then picture it as wandering to a sensitive portion of your anatomy and MUTATING!!!

Whew!

Even the author had trouble finding anything humorous about cancer. He tried asking an oncologist, "So, Doctor, what's funny about cancer?"

"'Let's see,' [the oncologist] said. `Humor. OK, what is the difference between Sloan-Kettering and Shea Stadium?'

"Dunno, I said.

"'At Sloan-Kettering, the mets always win.'

"Ha ha, I said. What?

"'See, `mets' is an abbreviation for `metastasis,' which is a cancer that has spread systemically from one organ or system to another.'

"Ah.

"A desperate silence filled the room."

I suppose if I had to stagger off of this mortal coil, "beer potomania" wouldn't be such a bad way to go (compared to most of the other diseases in this book). People who drink in excess of eight quarts of beer per day can accumulate too much water in their blood (I guess the liver hogs all of the beer), which leads to confusion, lethargy, and death.

Moral: don't mix water with your beer.

The low point of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life and Death" might be Chapter 20, "Oh, Crap (Diagnosis by the Process of Elimination)," wherein the author interviews a gastroenterologist who specializes in flatulence. This is the chapter I quoted most extensively to my friends.

Amazon.com won't let me quote the same passages for you, so buy this book and read it.

If you'd like to learn more about the author, Gene Weingarten, read Dave Barry's introduction before taking the plunge into Chapter 01, and figuring out which disease is going to take you down the drain.

16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I almost died laughing. (I'm an asthmatic), September 26, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. (Hardcover)

This is absolutely one of the funniest books I've ever read. Weingarten is a refreshingly talented author. He has a wonderful sense of humor and timing. He has managed to make fun of hypochondriacs, without insulting them. This is the only book I've ever recommended--and I'm a librarian.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars hysterically funny, July 21, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. (Hardcover)

perhaps the funniest book(laugh out loud and be unable to stop).where dave barry would stop,the author plumbs the limits of true dementia. in the insanity every so often there is a little shock of recognition to puncture the condescention we feel for these poor terrified souls. a must read.