I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel [Hardcover]

Richard Belzer (Author), Michael Black (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 14, 2008

In this captivating, often hilarious debut mystery, one of the great comedians of our time blends fact with fiction as Richard Belzer's Law & Order-Detective persona comes to life on the page when our hero employs investigative know-how and comedic timing in equal measure to solve the mystery surrounding the disappearance of a trusted friend.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Those looking for a new crime series starring an author's fictional alter ego to fill the void left by Kinky Friedman's series that ended with Ten Little New Yorkers shouldn't expect too much from the fiction debut of actor and standup comic Belzer, best known for his role as Det. John Munch in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. When an old friend of Belzer's, New York City assistant medical examiner Rudy Markovich, disappears under suspicious circumstances, Belzer decides to investigate. After the actor finds a clue referring to four recent deaths, he and Kalisha Carter, the attractive woman his producer assigns to keep an eye on him, dig into those cases with mostly predictable results. Action sequences alternate with the detection, allowing Belzer to show off his martial-arts skills. Hopefully, Belzer's acerbic screen persona will be more on display in any sequel. (Oct.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From School Library Journal

What's in a name? For many browsers, the probable answer is "a lot." Belzer is the equine-faced actor who has fashioned a career portraying wisecracking yet lovable Detective John Munch on TV's popular Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. A former stand-up comic and current conspiracy theorist, Belzer adds another string to his bow here as a detective novelist. With that level of name recognition, the fact that the book delivers the goods is almost superfluous. In the story, Belzer is busy filming the series. He's played a cop so long that maybe he thinks he is one; he's taking self-defense classes just in case. A good friend, a Russian émigré and New York medical examiner, gives Belz a ticket to a fight, just before they are attacked by Ukrainian-spouting thugs. After Rudi mysteriously disappears, Belz receives a letter that includes four alphanumeric entries plus a cryptic message, and he's off on a chase that involves the Russkies, the blood diamond trade, and some similes that will make Raymond Chandler fans crack a smile as big as the Ritz. Deft comic timing, the gruff persona, and a lively, if predictable, story will satisfy fans and maybe even create some. Recommended for all public libraries. [See Prepub Alert, LJ 6/15/06.]—Bob Lunn, Kansas City P.L., MO
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster; 1 edition (October 14, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416570667
• ISBN-13: 978-1416570660
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,160,649 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Belzer Gives Us a Great Ride!, November 14, 2008

By 

Cardinal Robbins "Glock35Gal" (Southern California, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel (Hardcover)

Richard Belzer's first foray into fiction, "I Am Not a Cop," is a fine blend of Belz as a self-insert, a character in his own tale of his missing friend, Russian thugs, the rock trade, a Ukrainian boxer, martial arts, a very mysterious redhead and a personal assistant named Kalisha ("Kali") Carter - in addition to various other characters, all of whom are memorable and well-developed.

To put it bluntly, this book is one hell of a great ride and a terrific example of Belzer's adeptness with noir lit. After reading his most famous non-fiction work, "UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to be Crazy to Believe," as well as his ghost-writing of Ireland's previous Secretary of State Mo Mowlam's "Momentum"), it was always clear to me the guy knows how to spill his wit by way of the pen. I wondered what was in store for his fiction, especially since his co-author's (Michael Black's) style is very different from that of The Belz. Their styles meshed from the start, leaving me to wonder where one began and the other ended.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basic plot, it unfolds with Belz meeting a dear friend, Rudy Markovich, over dinner one night. Rudy's a troubled man, but he won't divulge to Richard exactly why. After a post-prandial brawl with some dangerous Ukrainians, Rudy bids Belz goodnight with the promise to meet him at Madison Square Garden for Alexi Zotkin's boxing match. He never shows, which starts Belz unraveling the mystery of his friend's disappearance.

Assigned a personal assistant, the intrepid Kali Carter, to `keep him out of trouble' after his street brawl made the local rag, he and Carter delve deep into a world of Russian diamond traders and political intrigue, all the while shadowed by sleaze-bag reporter Cyrus Gustafson. Balancing his acting responsibilities on "Law & Order: SVU" with his investigative skills, he's also under the near-constant scrutiny of Vernon Franker, "assistant to the assistant" on the show. The pressure continues to ratchet upward on Belz as he and Kali are drawn deeper and deeper into palpable danger. All the while, a beautiful Russian redhead interjects herself into the mix, purportedly because of her unique connection to the missing Markovich.

When it seems best for Belz to hire a private investigator to assist in the search for Rudy, things go from dangerous to deadly for both Richard and Kalisha, as Belz contemplates the last time he spoke to his wife and whether or not he'll ever hear her voice again. This noir thriller has a most satisfying - and completely credible - conclusion, which will leave you nodding sagely after the fact over the clue carefully planted along the way. As I said earlier, it is certainly one hell of a great ride. It's also a quick read at 257 fast-paced pages of prose.

Those of you looking for the `real' Belz between the pages won't be disappointed. While a reviewer at Publishers Weekly felt there wasn't enough of the acerbic actor on display, I can assure you that's untrue. While Michael Black imbued the slightly more fictional Belz with exceptional martial arts skills (Black is a member of Chicago's thin blue line and a black belt in tae kwon do), there are plenty of the comic's smart-ass remarks, asides and pop culture references to make his fans very happy. For those wanting more about the tall, fashionably thin actor, there are tidbits from Belz's life and lifestyle scattered throughout, like his near-constant jones for coffee in lieu of sleep.

While there have been rumblings about a feature film and other related projects, what I'd like to have first is an audiobook narrated by Belz. (Or perhaps a lengthy podcast, given our current technology.) I think he can do even more to bring his characters to life in such a medium. Word on the street is, he's already turned his second manuscript in to Simon & Schuster, with yet a third book in the planning phase. It would be wonderful to see this become a long series of books, in collaboration with Michael Black. (Both authors are pet lovers, too. What's not to love about a guy with two dogs and a writing partner with five cats?)

As an actor, comedian, producer and writer, Richard Belzer has this entertainment thing down pat - he always leaves his audience wanting more.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars I Am Not a Cop, January 11, 2009

By 

Avid Reader "Avid" (West Haven, CT) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel (Hardcover)

If you like Munch on Law and Order:SVU, you'll like this book because you can see him doing his thing here. The plot is very clever as Richard as himself is the main character but he is acting like Munch. I read a lot of mysteries and this one was good.

10 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Belz does great with his foray into fiction !, November 1, 2008

By 

Dale Cooper (New Jeruz) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel (Hardcover)

I just finished reading the book about 10 minutes ago, and I thought it was very good. I must admit that it was my first mystery novel since my Encyclopedia Brown days, nevertheless I thought Richard Belzer made a terrific entrance into the world of fiction. It is a compelling mystery laced with humorous thoughts, which had me laughing to myself on almost every page. I truly hope he decides to write another book in this genre, because this one was absolutely a great read.