Customer Reviews

I Don't: A Contrarian History of Marriage

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Susan Squire's I Don't, A Contrarian History of Marriage is an intelligent and playful history of an institution we're all captivated by in one way or another but know little about. Her writing is funny and outrageous because it's true. Squire imparts the horrendous ways every western society--Greeks, Romans, Christians--treated women. But I Don't is hardly a diatribe against marriage or men. Squire is not out for vengeance. Instead, she tells the story of why and how society became organized into couples and families. And this honest investigation thereby helps to ease the pain of the impossible conundrum of marriage by putting the personal into a political and historical context. We're not alone, we don't live in a vacuum. I Don't is a powerful book.

A research product that is fascinating and memorable. The author does a sardonic job on the Old and New Testaments in examining the routes of males on top as a biblical command! Especially interesting is her cross-examination of the Genesis story with Adam, Eve, the Serpent and Him as
putative witnesses on the "stand". Her chapter on the virgin birth is uniquely well-documented. The story flows to Martin Luther and the religious re-acceptance of marriage without female authority. Looking forward to the sequel from Luther to modern times when relationships change dramatically at least in the Western world.

A fantastic, original, and entertaining read. Considering all the horrifying events Squire covers, from plagues to witch burnings, it's amazing how many times she made me laugh. A fresh and provocative look at how western civilization and religion have shaped contemporary mating. I can't believe I got married without knowing all this.

I really enjoyed this book, although it's a bit dry in parts, it's also funny and informative. Much of her material was covered in Stephanie Coontz History of Marriage. But this book is more readable, tho less informative. Both authors do a great job and show us the humor involved in trying to define "traditional marriage." Well Done.

...get it right, that is. If my 7th grade World Civ book had been written with Susan Squire's gift of sharp wit, caustic humor, and intelligent readability, I believe I may have decided to pursue history as a profession.

Squire takes the reader on an historic tour of the one of civilization's most confounding institutions - marriage. With a scat-singer's skill, she weaves arcane facts, literary quotes, and a wildly entertaining recounting of history, in and out of the narrative. Squire's history is the polar opposite of dry - it's liquid and moist and messy and heaving, and one of the most entertaining reads I've had in a long time.

I sensed that the author had a feminist axe to grind from the start, and she does not grind it subtly. I am a feminist (or humanist) myself, but I prefer to see the issues more fairly stated. This book tends to make highly opinionated generalizations without supporting them in the text.

I suppose that I was simply expecting something more scholarly and more witty. As others have noted, it is presented humorously, but to me it seemed a bit like elbow-in-the-ribs humor.

There are great history books and great "reads" -- few manage to be both. Squire is a thorough researcher and very wry writer - which must explain how she managed to be scholarly and entertaining at the same time.

If you have any interest in knowing how the whole institution of marriage came about, and why it's so screwed up, I suggest you buy this book. Even if you don't, you'll enjoy the amazing stories about everyone from St. Augustine to Jesus and Jezebel.

...get it right, that is. If my 7th grade World Civ book had been written with Susan Squire's gift of sharp wit, caustic humor, and intelligent readability, I believe I may have decided to pursue history as a profession.

Squire takes the reader on an historic tour of the one of civilization's most confounding institutions - marriage. With a scat-singer's skill, she weaves arcane facts, literary quotes, and a wildly entertaining recounting of history, in and out of the narrative. Squire's history is the polar opposite of dry - it's liquid and moist and messy and heaving, and one of the most entertaining reads I've had in a long time.

More sarcastic than scholarly, Squire takes a look at marriage in Western culture, starting with the Greeks and Romans and continuing through Martin Luther. The tone throughout the book is conversational and often caustic. The author especially dislikes Augustine and his role in shaping marriage, not that I can say that I blame her.

In short, the author posits that quite a lot of effort has been put into squelching female sexuality in Western culture. Freud called it the Madonna-whore complex, but the Greeks centuries earlier were the ones who had actually institutionalized it: concubines for sex and wives for breeding. But the Greeks also had hetaera, well-educated mistresses.

The concept of mistresses obviously would not do for Christianity, who turned marriage into the only acceptable institution for sex. The Catholics went one step further, mostly through the writings of Augustine and Paul, and made sex into something shameful and to be avoided for anything other than breeding. The author largely gives credit to Martin Luther for bringing love into marriage.

It was an enjoyable read, and not only because my husband kept on raising his eyebrows at me whenever he saw me reading it. My only complaint with the book is that I wish that it had gone further: either deeper into Western marriage, or discussions of non-Christian cultures (Asian, Muslim, ... ).

I Don't is Susan Squire's deliciously cynical and caustic take on the institution of marriage, written with cutting insights and sardonic wit. Contrary to the idealized take that marriage is an unchanging institution, feminine apogee and guarantor of social stability, Squires points out that the specifics of marriage have varied widely in Western civilization and that perhaps the only constant ever since the Garden of Eden is that the woman partner gets the shaft in more ways than one (spoiler alert: Eve was framed).

Squires does a good job documenting the Madonna/Whore complex in Classical Greece and the important influence of Martin Luther on the modern idea of marriage as a romantic union. Who knows where this love train may lead us next, but I Don't is an interesting take on where marriage has been.