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I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido [Hardcover]

Joan Sewell
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (35 customer reviews)


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Book Description

January 23, 2007

“If I had a choice between having sex and reading a good book, the book wins. I notice I put in the adjective ‘good’—and that leaves me wondering if I’m not trying to put a better face on things. I still want people to read this and think, ‘Well, of course. If it’s a good book.’ But my boyfriend—the man I would eventually marry—would take even bad sex over a good book.”

--From I’d Rather Eat Chocolate

Joan is hardly ever in the mood. Kip is always in the mood. Does that sound like any couple you know?

Joan Sewell is a funny, brave new writer who dares to reveal that sex in her house does not look anything like the sex you see in movies. When she learns that her husband, Kip, would have sex five or six times a week if he could have as much sex as he wanted (compared to her once or twice a month), Joan decides she’d better pluck up her sex drive before she ends up on the fast track to divorce court. I’d Rather Eat Chocolate is the witty, provocative chronicle of her search for a lift to her libido and what happens when none of the expert advice works.

First she tries sexy underwear—until her husband realizes she is cheating on her thongs by wearing cotton panties. Then she reads that for stressed-out wives, a husband who does housework is the ultimate aphrodisiac—until she realizes that she is actually the slob in the relationship and the mess hasn’t decreased Kip’s sex drive any. When she reads John Gray’s advice to women to offer “quickies” if their husbands want sex and they are not in the mood, Joan realizes that this is the ultimate male trump card so she can never again say no to sex. Her fantasies begin to involve smothering John Gray with a pillow.

Joan Sewell is scrappy, fearless, and hilarious, the “I Love Lucy” of low libido. Her memoir is laugh-out-loud funny. But it has a serious vein, too. How Joan and Kip work it out, and what they do when they “do it,” will give every woman hope that she can be true to herself and have a happy marriage.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Sewell understood that a huge inequality existed between her and her husband, Kip, in their levels of sexual drive. With humor, she recounts her journey to reconciling this disparity, creating along the way an ad hoc social commentary on the way both men and women look at sex. Sewell consults many experts: marriage counselors, relationship experts, sexperts, women's magazines and Oprah. Sewell determines that much of the advice is based on the ideals of men, and she finds that many ideals of the prosex feminist revolution have morphed to focus on male desires rather than women's liberties. This first-time author disagrees that women should live by such standards and sets out to prove that a healthy relationship can be had despite vastly differing levels of desire. And while it isn't an easy journey (a fight over porn and a time of separate beds are just some of the hurdles), the love and openness of their marriage allows Joan and Kip to reach a conclusion by which they are both satisfied—sexually and emotionally. Honest and accessible, this is not just a guide for libido-impaired individuals, but for anyone who wants to take a closer look at one subject that continues to gap the genders. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

In the sex-frequency wars, an authentically fresh new voice has arrived.”
Atlantic Monthly

“The best part of this intelligent book is how Sewell subtly frames her sexual issues within modern culture, from Sex and the City to Girls Gone Wild to pornography and lap dances.” –USA Today

“Amid all the cheesy surveys and hand-wringing talk shows . . . a bright spot in the discussion of lackadaisical libidos.”
—Salon.com

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Crown Archetype; 1 edition (January 23, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0767922670
  • ISBN-13: 978-0767922678
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.9 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (35 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,121,946 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

It made me feel even worse. angie603  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
In "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate, Learning to Love my Low Libido" Joan Sewell lays it all out. ChocolateLover 2009  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
This is a funny and enlightening book. Laura L. Brown  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
By Jasha
Format:Hardcover
I read this book on a intercontinental business trip on a recommendation from a female friend. It was good for this purpose because its really a page-turner and puts some pretty common sexual dynamics into sharp focus. The author makes a pretty good case that she (and so many other women) shouldn't be judged as flawed because they are barely interested in sex. She also thinks the conflation of love=sex is a BS guilt trip to get wives to put out more lest they be withholding love from their spouses.

I get it. I feel sorry for her and her husband, but I get it.

But there's something I really, really didn't get: if sex is NOT a form of love, and if it is such an infinitesimally low priority for her, then why does she care if her husband gets it elsewhere? If I take her at her word that she doesn't care about sex hardly at all, then why does she need to control her husbands sex life, including (and this made me a bit angry) putting restrictions on his access to pornography?

I don't get it. I really don't. If you aren't interested in having sex with someone, why would you care if he gets his needs met elsewhere? I wish someone would explain it to me.
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39 of 50 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Subversive in Pink February 1, 2007
Format:Hardcover
Joan Sewell's memoir, "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate" could not be more timely: Redbook magazine just printed a survey sating that 70 percent of women would choose chocolate over sex. The author finds herself squarely in that camp. It's not jthat she has no libido (she masturbates)or can't orgasm through intercourse, etc. Her husband has skills, but sex is such a low priority that if left up to her, she'd never get around to initiating it with an actual partner. Like me, she fakes lust until she can't fake it anymore.

Her sexual compromise with her husband is unlike any I've seen. She admits that this part is not supposed to be example for everyone. But that's what it takes for Joan to feel autonomy over her own body (that's important to her)while giving Kip the sex he hasn't been having at all during their platoic stalemate. A small part of the book, this part does seem incomplete. But it's a start in breaking the iceberg that developed between them. (And you've got to have a guy like Kip. They argue, but really he's pretty open-minded. I don't know if most husbands would be that understanding. Maybe they should be.)

The book isn't a self-help manual anyway, offering "10 sure-fire way to light her fire" or "7 steps to boost your libido." The main atraction fo me is Joan's often hilarious step-by-step story of what it's like to try what the sexperts, the magazines, and pop psychologists say will help her "dsyfunctional" drive.Instead she shows that most women who think they have a low sex drive are really only low compared to men. It's biological. Final judgement: Put it on your bookshelf if you're looking for a funny, poignant, and subversive book for any woman who's ever felt "les than" because of her sex drive.
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19 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I hear it all the time April 10, 2007
Format:Hardcover
I'm only twent-four and have been living with my boyfriend for two years. I've had sex with other guys and surprisingly, most of them have been skilled in the sex department. But still I'm not as close to being as horny as them or even like Joan Sewell says, as horny as all the women that are on TV and movies now. I feel it's secret I have to keep. Because like the author says, having a libido lower than I guy seems to be a reflection on me. I am a confident and I think pretty well adjusted woman in other areas. For me not wanting sex is not from a psychological hangup (though I'm getting one now from being "undersexed". I read this book in throughout the night and into the morning. This woman could have been my clone. She's funny, smart, and outrageous. Her solution is not for everybody. I just went to her website today and wrote her an email. Maybe I'll find more details about how she got from her sexual stalemate to where she is now in her marriage.

All in all a great book. If nothing else, you're going to get a lot of laughs and a radical new way at looking at women's sex drives.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, something that makes me feel normal!!!!
This book really helped me in realizing my [lack of] desire to have sex wasn't something abnormal.

Yay, I'm not a freak!
Published 7 months ago by KD
4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful, personal, and a delightful read.
I quite enjoyed Mrs. Sewell's book. I was confused at how the other reviews pegged her as an overbearing woman, as I did not see any references to her judging her husband because... Read more
Published 20 months ago by Jessica C.
4.0 out of 5 stars Problem of Incompatibility
This book is a personal memoir about an aspect of Joan's life, not a self help book. And yet may people (both men and women) may find it helpful. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Leo Stage
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious . . . but has some profound things to say
I knew there had to be an antidote to that penis of a man -- whooziwhuzzit -- oh yeah -- John Gray -- and his "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" BS. JUST KIDDING -- um, no . . . Read more
Published on September 30, 2010 by C. Scott
3.0 out of 5 stars Being a nice guy isn't enough
This is a very tough book for men.

1. It's not about understanding your wife.

In the last 2-3 decades, we have had many books saying the problem with men is... Read more
Published on August 14, 2010 by Bobby
3.0 out of 5 stars Neither low nor high libido is wrong; BUT bait-and-switch is very...
Though I think this book paints a remarkably grim picture of probably many marriages, I gave it three stars because it has been so difficult to find a non-religious book that... Read more
Published on September 13, 2009 by Bibliocrates
5.0 out of 5 stars Sex, who needs it?
Why is it a problem to have "low libido" but not "high libido?" Why aren't there drugs to treat men's "overactive" sex drive? Read more
Published on April 13, 2009 by ChocolateLover 2009
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny and well worth a look!
Finally, someone who blows the whistle on the media's constant harping on women's sexuality and how, if we're not having porn-film-level sex several times a week for our entire... Read more
Published on March 29, 2009 by jeffsdate
2.0 out of 5 stars Interesting and Scary
I've never had a libido problem, but I saw reviews for this book and thought it might be interesting to see how the "other half" lives. Read more
Published on January 27, 2009 by C. Zeman
4.0 out of 5 stars Makes you think about what you really want
I'm a woman, and I think that I have a higher libido than either Joan Sewell or her husband, but I really enjoyed this book. Read more
Published on September 14, 2008 by a_green
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