Customer Reviews

Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited

5 star:		(61)
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3 star:		(6)
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1 star:		(5)

 

 

Half way through "Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited" by Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein, one twin asks the other: "If your family had raised me and mine had raised you, would I be you and would you be me?" By the end of the book, the reader clearly understands the answer is "no." It is worth reading the whole book to find out why. But a far more compelling reason to read the book is this: we are all suckers for reunion stories, and perhaps there is no more fascinating reunion story than one between identical twins reunited after half a lifetime of not knowing that they had a twin. That is what drew me so strongly to this book, and on this score, too, the book delivers nicely.

Elyse and Paula were adopted by separate families completely unaware that their daughters had an identical twin being raised by another family located in the same city. The girls reunite in 2003 when they are 35 years old. The book is their joint memoir about their difficult reunion and the resulting deep bond that slowly, and at times painfully, develops between them.

Their story is highly personal, heart-felt, and deeply emotional. Plus there are mysteries at the core that compel you to find out more. Who was their mother? Why did she abandon them? Who are their biological family? Where are they?

Halfway through their investigation, the twins discover a dark side to their particular adoption. With dogged journalistic skills they uncover every lead until they finally arrive at the truth. You'll be thoroughly surprised to learn the true reasons behind their unusual adoptions...and you can't help but be proud of their perseverance. These are two extremely bright and tough women.

Identical Strangers is excellent journalism made personal. Both woman write compelling first-person narratives and are not embarrassed to expose their true feelings. The alternating first person narratives falter from time to time, when each twin switches gears to incorporate summary academic findings about twins reared apart or the nature-vs.-nurture debate. But this information is useful and it is covered in an easy-to-understand, nonscientific manner.

You can't make up a story like this---35 year old women discover they are identical twins separated in their first year by an adoption agency with possibly questionable motives (they are connected with a study of separated twins which might or might not involve mental illness). They find they both have studied film and have many other similarities, and start on the journey of getting to know each other and to discover more about their past. It was a book that HAD to be written! And for the most part, it's interesting reading.

However, somehow I found the book strangely dry and not as much as a page turner as the situation would make it seem it would be. I can't quite put my finger on the problem---I think it has a lot to do with the fact that so much of the book deals with the twin's feelings about each other and their uncertain feelings about having their lives changed by having a twin. This would certainly be an issue, but it's not really, for me anyway, that interesting to read about. There is also much about their body image issues, which are quite similar, but again, not really page turningly interesting.

The format of the book is a back and forth telling by Paula and Elise, the twins, in turn. We get information about a happening first from one and then from the other. I think the twins are more alike than they wish to think, as often it feels like reading the same thing twice! I think for parts of the book anyway a combined telling might work better.

I don't mean to not recommend the book. I certainly do---it's really an amazing story. Maybe a tiny bit more editing would have made it even better.

This is a fascinating book for anyone who has ever fantasized about finding a long-lost twin...to the authors of this book, separated at birth and adopted by different families, this actually happened. What is surprising and intriguing about the book is that it is not merely a warm reunion story---it lays bare the complications of suddenly discovering someone who resembles oneself and yet remains on some level a stranger. Although it is overall a positive book, after reading it one realizes that the long-lost-twin fantasy isn't necessarily as simple or as glorious in real life as it may be in imagination.

Damn! I am a facebook fan of this book. I have just finished reading every review submitted before mine - i think it's forty-something - and am fascinated by the range. I bought the hardbound edition and read it shortly after it came out, but this is my first review. I was completely taken with Identical Strangers, and I honestly couldn't put it down. I read it a couple of times. I cried a lot. It broke my heart, but it also helped me heal some.

As a reader - and really just as a human being - I've learned to accept books - and people - exactly as they come, to appreciate what they have to offer, to hope they can entertain, inform, or enlighten, and then move on. The technology available online - sneak previews of books - should be used like an initial eye contact or greeting with a stranger. Don't like the vibe? Move on.

I enjoyed everything about it, except perhaps the price. I don't want to spoil it for you - I leave that task for other reviewers - but it provided for me some timely and structured reflection.

I haven't reviewed it before now in part because I've been finishing up my own memoir (and here comes the shameless self-promotion), Late Delivery, A Memoir, available at $9.99 as a paperback LATE DELIVERY, A Memoir, or for $1 as a kindle version LATE DELIVERY, A Memoir. Like Identical Strangers, my memoir is about discovering as an adult the unusual circumstances of my birth - in my case, that I had been taken home by the wrong family.

I got notification yesterday that the two authors will be appearing this morning (11am) on the Martha Stewart Show. Best of luck. Who knows? Maybe you'll pick up a stock tip.

We loved it and we are so proud of these women.

Paula's parents, Marilyn and Bernie Bernstein

Identical twins Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein were born on October 9, 1968 to a mentally ill mother and were subsequently placed in foster care. Before they reached their first birthdays, the babies were given by Louise Wise Services to kind and loving adoptive parents who had no idea that their daughters were part of a set of identical twins.

Fast forward to 2002. Elyse is at loose ends, living a bohemian life in Paris and hoping to become a film director. Although she has known for years that she was adopted, she suddenly decides to apply to the New York State Adoption Information Registry for information about her birth parents. Six months later, Elyse receives a letter from Louise Wise Services stating: "You were born at 12:51 p. m. as the `younger' of twin girls...to a 28-year-old Jewish single woman." This bombshell changes Elyse's life overnight. She has a million questions: Who is her twin, what does she do, and where does she live? When and why were the sisters separated? If Elyse were to contact her twin, would they get along? How could they possibly make up for lost time?

Meanwhile, Paula Bernstein is completely unaware that Elyse had embarked on a quest to find her. She is busy with her husband and two-year-old toddler, and has just begun settling in to her new apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Elyse travels to New York and contacts Katherine Boros of Louise Wise Services, who quickly locates Paula and calls her to break the electrifying news. Shortly thereafter, the two women speak on the telephone for the first time. Finding out that they are twins is both an exhilarating and disconcerting experience. Although they look alike and have many things in common, Elyse is a single woman, footloose and fancy free, while Paula is a stay-at-home mom. They aren't completely comfortable with one another, and they occasionally argue. However, the sisters share a common goal--to learn more about their birth parents.

They interview a number of individuals and examine written records (some of which are difficult to access), hoping to learn the identity, background, and whereabouts of their "natural" parents. They also want to find out why the people at Louise Wise decided to separate them in the first place. The surprising answer reveals a great deal about the rigid and inhumane attitudes of psychologists and social workers back in the late sixties.

"Identical Strangers" is narrated in the twins' own words. Each woman describes her feelings and thoughts at every step in this voyage of discovery. Both talk about about meeting one another's adoptive families, getting used to one another's habits and quirks, and figuring out how to integrate a new sibling into their settled lives. They also include general information from scientific studies of identical twins, and their anecdotes are mind-boggling. Although the writing is far from elegant (the alternating voices of the narrators eventually become a bit jarring), the story of how the personnel at a prestigious adoption agency manipulated babies' lives in such a cold-blooded manner makes for compelling reading.

As sad as it is that Elyse and Paula did not know of one other's existence until they were in their thirties, it is heartening to learn that they are now happily reconnected and continue to be very close. The authors raise some intriguing questions: Are we the product of nature, nurture, or both? Who are our "real" parents--those who physically bore us or those who lovingly raised us? How can a person who never knew she had a sibling come to terms with the reality of this discovery? "Identical Strangers" is a riveting human interest story with tremendous sociological, cultural, and psychological implications.

In addition to a moving story of identical twins separated at birth and reunited at age 35, this book presents scientific data from multiple birth studies and examines the ethics of the adoption agency that separated twins and triplets. I liked the presentation style of the alternating chapters by the two authors.

I enjoyed reading this memoir of twins who found each other at age 35. I read it in two days because I couldn't wait to find out how their relationship developed and whether they searched for more information about their shared history. This book also includes a smattering of information about twins and twin studies. I highly recommend it!

I agree with other reviewers who said this story would have been more effective if it had been condensed as a magazine article instead of as a book. It also would have been better served with a more competent editor. The poor writing doesn't do justice to what would be an interesting topic. It's a shame, because this is just a missed opportunity for what could have been an excellent book.

That Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein had been adopted as infants was a given. Both were thankful to have been raised by loving adoptive parents and, at age 35, each had carved out a nice life of her own. Paula, a freelance writer, lived with her husband and young daughter in New York City, and Elyse, a film director, considered Paris to be her home. What neither woman knew was that they are identical twins who had been adopted out, when they were just a few months old, to separate families.

All that would change on the day Elyse contacted adoption agency Louise Wise Services to request information about her birth mother. In addition to the minimal details about her mother's background the agency was willing to share with her, Elyse was told that she had an identical twin sister. And the search for her twin sister, which turned out to be surprisingly easy, was on. Sooner than Elyse dared imagine, the two were sitting across from each in a New York restaurant on what, for both women, had the feel of a "first date."

"Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited" focuses on the women's sometimes reluctant search for their birth mother, whom they learn was an exceptionally bright young Jewish woman who suffered severe schizophrenia at the time of their birth. They also learn that locating their birth father will be impossible because when they were born their mother was unable to name him. But despite being fearful of what they might learn about their mother's mental illness, both sisters already having suffered varying degrees of depression, they are determined to identify her.

"Identical Strangers," however, is about much more than the search for a birth mother - that particular book has been written often enough already. Elyse and Paula, in alternating first-person chapters, instead offer a frank account of what it is like for each of them to suddenly face the identical twin neither ever suspected of existing. One sister is enthusiastic about their reunion and future together but the other sometimes finds herself wishing she could have her old life back, the one into which she did not suddenly have to figure out how to squeeze in a new sister. The two will exchange frank and blunt comments, and often have their feelings hurt, as they struggle to come to terms with their new relationship. Ultimately binding the sisters together, however, is their shared determination to learn why they were separated by the adoption agency instead of being offered to a family able to keep them together. Only after many months of determined effort, do they finally learn the shocking truth about Louise Wise Services and the decision that forever changed their lives - along with the lives of the other twins (and one set of triplets) separated by the agency for the same reason.

Along the way, one learns much about the scientific differences between identical twins, fraternal twins and other siblings as the age old question of "nature vs. nurture" is explored. Also included are numerous intriguing stories about the amazing similarities shared by other twins and triplets who only found each other as adults. "Identical Strangers" is another of those instances that remind us that real life can be as fascinating as the best fiction.