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If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path Paperback – Deckle Edge, February 1, 1999

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., a practicing therapist and nationally recognized workshop leader for more than 20 years, has had lifelong connections to feminism, Buddhism, Quaker practice, and Reiki healing. The author of several books including Finding Joy, she lives in Lolo, Montana.


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Product Details

  • Series: Compass
  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Penguin Books (February 1, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0140195831
  • ISBN-13: 978-0140195835
  • Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.4 x 7.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (179 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #10,183 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

There are 21 translations of 42 foreign editions with 800,000 in print of Charlotte Kasl's books which include some titles such as; the If The Buddha series, Women's Love, Sex, and Addiction, Many Roads One Journey, Finding Joy, A Home For The Heart, Yes You Can!, and more. Please check out additional books and articles available by Charlotte Kasl on Amazon.

Charlotte Kasl has an M.A. in Piano from The University of Michigan, and a Ph.D. in Counseling from Ohio University in 1982. She was a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota for 15 years and is currently a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Montana. She is a Certified Addiction Specialist in the areas of chemical dependency and sexuality and has had a private psychotherapy practice for more than 30 years. She is the author of nine books and numerous articles.

Dr. Kasl has conducted a wide variety of workshops on relationships, addiction, sexuality, spirituality, community, healing from incest and abuse, casting out internalized oppression, preventing burn out, quantum healing, empowerment, and finding joy, both in the United States and abroad. Her groundbreaking book Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the 12 Steps, published in 1992, introduced a 16-step empowerment approach for overcoming addiction that focuses on finding one's voice, building confidence, taking action on one's behalf, and understanding addiction in a cultural context. It has been used throughout the United States and Canada, as well as Europe, to assist in overcoming trauma, addiction, and depression.

In 1987, she was part of a task force funded by the Department of Human Services in Minnesota to create a model treatment program for chemically dependent women. She was on the advisory board of The Women's Recovery Network, The Women's Action Alliance for Alcohol and Drug Education, and invited twice by the National Center for Substance Abuse Prevention to participate in a synthesis conference to make recommendations on the needs of women. She has consulted with numerous treatment programs and served on several advisory boards, such as The Organization for Secular Sobriety, known as Save OurSelves (SOS).

Dr. Kasl is also a founding member of ATTACH, The Association for the Teaching and Training in the Attachment of Children. In 1997, she received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, (now knows as SASH Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health) for her work with women and sexuality. In 2000, If the Buddha Dated was one of five finalists for the National Books for Better Living Awards. In addition, she was listed in Self magazine as one of 50 "sage" psychologists in the United States.

In her psychotherapy therapy practice, Dr. Kasl takes an empowering approach by helping people address the core issues underlying depression, anxiety, addictions, and relationship difficulties. She works with numerous therapeutic approaches, such as ego state therapy, hypnosis, quantum psychology, EMDR, cognitive therapy, and emotionally focused therapy for couples. She is also an avid hiker, pianist, and has been a Reiki Master Healer since 1983.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

126 of 133 people found the following review helpful By Nana Annie on September 30, 2000
Format: Paperback
This book, written by a Quaker psychotherapist with an interest in Sufism and Buddhism, is a treasure for adults (of all ages!) who wonder why dating and relationships are so difficult. This book isn't intended to educate any of us in Buddhism as a faith, but to speak to those who want a fulfilling intimate love relationship.
Western culture's view of love -- often a hard-to-fulfill expectation of love-at-first-sight encounter, based on a strong and immediate physical attraction, ending with a happily-ever-after-fairy tale conclusion -- has confused, disheartened and frustrated many of us who just can't make that kind of romance last for long, let alone forever.
This book combines Buddhist, Quaker and Sufi spiritual philosophy to love, helping us clear our minds. Kasl calls this, "crawling in love," and says, "When we crawl in love we are more likely to find the true fire of hearts meeting..."
As another reviewer stated, the information in the book is "common sense, nothing original in it at all." That comment, I suspect, would make the Buddha laugh. We have been on earth so long, certainly there is nothing new under the sun to help us with our relationship problems, only old truths we forget as we get caught up our romantic wish for Love American Style.
Kasl reminds us of some simple truths. Ground yourself in spiritual wisdom, remember the impermanence of everything, learn compassion for yourself and others. She sites some common themes in Quakerism, Buddhism and Sufism - center yourself, take time to reflect, listen to that still small voice within, and you will be able to accept and give love in a deep, lasting way.
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110 of 116 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 15, 2000
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have read more than my share of self help books but this is the most helpful book I have ever read. It started out slow - in the first pages I was rolling my eyes because I felt like it was simple stuff I already knew, but by page ten I was engrossed and thrilled. It is simple, straightforward, fun reading, it makes complete sense and helps clarify the issues that come up in every kind of relationship, from partners to potential partners, to family and friends. I could not put it down. I had an 'aha' every few pages, found it joyful and affirming and incredibly helpful. When I was halfway through it I bought 8 more copies and gave them to eight friends. They all loved it and have all given copies to their friends and family. I quickly saw my relationships to others and to myself start to change, I actively used the theories to improve my dynamics with others and one day read just one sentence and completely let go of some pain I'd been carrying for days over a conflict with a friend. Poof - it was gone and I was looking at it from a whole new place and learned a lesson I have used again and again since that day. I also re-established contact with a friend who I'd parted ways with years ago and in one easy conversation we came together again resolved the problem, laughed over how big we'd made it and have had a healthier, happier and closer friendship than ever since. I am back today to order 3 more copies for three more people - one of them is the new man in my life whom I feel this book was intrumental in helping me find. I'm choosing differently, approaching things differently and what's more - I'm happier and feel more clear and peaceful about relationships than I ever have. Get this book and a few extras for the people you love - you won't regret it. And grab your highlighter- there are gems on every page.
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23 of 23 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on September 8, 2002
Format: Paperback
As a single woman who had just started studying Buddhism, I developed a strong cognitive dissonance that nearly ended my spiritual pursuits. One part is that of being a Westerner in a non-Western philosophical practice. Nobody could address my concerns as a Western single woman. I got the feeling I either was expected (by the culture of this sect of Buddhism) to be either celibate or married. But our culture doesn't practice arranged marriage! Furthermore, the more I grew, the more my desire for a mate grew. A lot of the Western folk wisdom is "that you have to be totally complete by yourself". I felt like I could just do nothing but stuff this desire, deny it.
The problem?? In my experience, there is absolutely no more un-Dharmic scene out there, than the singles scene. It was impossible and alienating. I didn't know how I could possibly follow a spiritual path by day then go out at night and become this whole other person. Also casual sex had grown repugnant to me. I rectified the problem by just dropping out of the market altogether and using friends as a substitute for a mate. I really came to believe there was no one out there for me. Western folk wisdom made me feel like there was something wrong with me because I wanted a mate, and in addition something wrong with me because I'm a woman. All those relationship books out there guide women to bend over backwards and do all the changing and to "just accept men the way they are".
After I found this book, the first thing I did was dismiss it. Then, finally, I looked at it again, and bought it. This time it struck a chord. I'm still single, and I still want a mate, but I don't feel like it's a bad thing anymore; I don't feel like it means I'm a weak person; it's given me a new way to look at the process. Our modern Western culture teaches you in a way that there is a deep shame with being lonely, you are not supposed to admit your feelings. This book has helped me become more honest.
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