Most Helpful Customer Reviews
90 of 96 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
How YOU can change your marriage, May 8, 2006
This review is from: If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can Resist (Mass Market Paperback)
My husband and I own both of these books. They really are best if you read them together: If Only He Knew (for the guys) and For Better or for Best (for the gals). I have reccomended these books to many people. I believe they help improve communication in marriage (and also other relationships!) so that you learn how to be a better partner in the relationship.
I have been reading many of these reviews. The people who were helped by it, were helped greatly. The people who did not like the content of the book, all seemed to feel that the book shouldn't be telling them what THEY need to change to improve their marriage. Look guys! There are TWO books! One for the man and one for the woman. The woman's book tells her what SHE needs to change to improve her marraige with her husband, what SHE needs to do to understand his needs, and communicate with him on his level. The man's book tells him what HE needs to do to improve his marriage. What HE needs to do so his wife will understand him. If the man's book told the reader what his wife needs to do to change, how exactly would that help??? He is supposed to be looking for answers to how HE needs to change, what HE needs to do, how HE can take action to repair past mistakes and plan for a happier future. Only you can change your own actions, you can not change your spouse. If you are reading the man's book then I think it should be telling the reader what the man needs to know and what the man can do to change. Yes, sometimes the author uses extreme examples. Sometimes the examples will look nothing like your life. Sometimes, they might resemble your life a little too closely that it makes you uncomfortable. You may not benefit frome very single chapter in the book. I don't benefit from every single chapter of every book I read. This isn't the Bible, it's a help book. If it helps, then it has done it's job.
I think perhaps if you really want to change your marriage, and make it better, you need to accept that perhaps you will have to change yourself first, before you can expect to change your mate. If you aren't looking for a book that offers advice on what YOU can do, then you won't like this book. If you are just looking for a book that you can hand to your wife and say "You need to change so we can have a better marriage" then you won't like this book. If you're looking for a SET of books that show both of you how to compromise, communicate better and be more compassionate to one another, and which will speak to each of you on your own level, then you will like these books.
Blessings to you all.
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132 of 144 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Paydirt For Married Men, April 12, 2001
This review is from: If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can Resist (Mass Market Paperback)
I just recommended this little treasure to a friend whose wife has "shut down", and whose marriage is headed for disaster, so I decided to take a second trip through it myself. Guys, this little book can save your marriage. You just don't realize how you are driving her away. Smalley takes an honest look at himself, and at me (and I wager, at you)and it hurts...I've found some tears in this process. We are to love our wife like Jesus loved the church, and gave Himself for her. As spiritual heads of the home, it is our responsibility to meet these deep needs that are so different from our own. This book will open your eyes. A book is not a quick fix for a marriage in trouble. But this little book is preventive maintenance and on-going tune-up material. For the guy that senses he is already in deep trouble, this treasure from Smalley can be a turning point. I am going to buy several copies for some of my dearest friends. Every man should understand his wife's needs at this level. Wake up gentlemen, before you hurt her any more.
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52 of 57 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Reading this book has changed my life!, August 21, 2006
This review is from: If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can Resist (Mass Market Paperback)
When my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce and that she had no connection with me whatsoever, I was completely crushed and surprised. I love her dearly and started searching for literature to help me work through the situation. I ran across this book and was blown away by the revelations it brought forth concerning my past actions and behavior. I come from a rather long career in the Marine Corps, which pretty much sucked every ounce of compassion and tenderness out of my soul. This book opened my eyes to the blindness I had grown into over the past 17 years of our marriage. I had in fact sucked the joy out of my wife and kids without even knowing it. Never again will I allow Satan to blind me so with all of life's distractions (Work, Work, Work, Big house, Nice Cars, Work, Work, Work).
This book is for men seeking to understand their illogically perceived wives who seem to live in la la land instead of reality. After reading this book, my perception of my wife is that of complete understanding and my perception of myself is that of remorseful shame.
I wouldn't recommend this book for women, because just like us men, women will not connect with a lot of the material presented as it is written from the man's point of view.
Also, there have been some reviews that state this book is out of date concerning feminism. I would have to disagree, as this book is based on Biblical principles that are timeless. Christian readers who are firmly grounded in God's word will see through the comments made on this site by others who do not understand Biblical doctrines concerning marriage. It is a shame, because I fear they will probably end up going through with divorce instead of working through their issues according to Biblical principles.
You can continue to do things your way and reap the outcome, however if you turn to God's way and reap a better outcome. This book leads you through all the points in God's word that supports His plan for marriage. You have to be honest with yourself and consider if you have done everything possible, before you just give up and turn to divorce. If you didn't truely try God's direction, then you didn't do everything possible and you are to fault.
I've weathered two months now of separation from my wife, however I'm sticking to the principles taught in this book. Each page is weathered, areas underlined and corners dog-eared. Read, it - Re-read it and apply it. I can see that my wife is beginning to notice changes in my behavior and is turning perceptions of lipservice into perceptions of permanent change.
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