If You Had Controlling Parents [Abridged, Audiobook] [Audio Cassette]

Dan Neuharth (Author, Reader)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 9, 1998

A popular therapist offers a program for the 14 million adult children of controlling parents, to help them let go of anxiety, self-blame, and perfectionism, and to achieve assertiveness, boundaries, and confidence.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Controlling parents can leave lasting scars on your psyche and negatively influence all aspects of your adult life, especially the ways you parent your own children. Understanding and rising above these problems is the subject of If You Had Controlling Parents, read by the author, clinical psychologist Dan Neuharth. Moving slowly and carefully through the material, Dr. Neuharth gives you time to process and reflect upon topics such as why parents overcontrol and how you can gain autonomy in your life. Specific exercises at the end of the tape will help you to change the patterns set by controlling parents and deal with situations like family holidays, maintaining relationships with your parents, and developing your own parenting style. (Running time: three hours, two cassettes) --Sharon Griggins

From Library Journal

Although the term "controlling parent" most often brings to mind a domineering parent, there are actually several ways in which a parent may use control. Labeling the types as smothering, cultlike, abusing, using, depriving, perfectionistic, chaotic, and childlike, Neuharth describes the characteristics of each, giving examples. The emphasis is on understanding parenting behaviors and their effects, as the author asserts that understanding is the key to future therapeutic success. The final section describes some steps, e.g., emotionally leaving home and writing down one's experiences, as coping techniques. These ideas are not innovative, but, as self-help materials are always in demand, this would be a beneficial purchase for most public libraries.?Susan McCaffrey, Haslett H.S., MI
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: HarperAudio; Abridged edition (September 9, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0694520225
• ISBN-13: 978-0694520220
• Product Dimensions: 7 x 4.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,895,596 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #40 in Books > Books on Cassette > Parenting & Families > General
  • #44 in Books > Books on Cassette > Parenting & Families > Parenting
  • #92 in Books > Books on Cassette > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

76 of 79 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars fantastic book, May 20, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World (Paperback)

This book was written for those of us who grew up in an unhealthy environment, and had parents who controlled us in unhealthy ways. The author emphasizes working through our issues as adults, not playing "blame games." Interviews with people from all walks of life are liberally quoted throughout each chapter.

What makes this book exceptional is that the author is advocating education and change, not revenge. He shows how examining your parents' history in detail can help you heal and move forward as a fully functioning adult free to make decisions based on something else than what your parents' would say.

Controlling parents don't have to be outwardly abusive nor do they always have malevolent intentions towards their children. However, trauma stays with a person and its after-effects can be passed on to the next generation.

The author clearly contrasts unhealthy with healthy parenting and offers checklists to help the reader. He explores why people overcontrol, and he provides exercises to help the reader work through his or her feelings. Most helpfully, he reiterates that it was not the reader's fault, and it is not required that the reader change - but if he or she begins to explore that possibility, it can lead to great rewards.

67 of 70 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A book to understand sibling rivalry in "adult children"ÿ, November 20, 1999

By 

Carol Huston, Ph.D. - See all my reviews

This review is from: If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World (Paperback)

I am a fifty-one year old single parent and college professor who, on the outside, appears to have a successful life. My career goals have been met--twice--and my appearance is one of a confident female in her field. My two children are in college and doing well in this age of disconnectedness between parents and children,

What my friends and colleagues do not see is my inner life of poorly chosen relationships, broken dreams, self-hate, and fear of failure. After years of therapy, I knew that there was something not right in my original family--sibling agression, phobias, etc.--that I feared confronting. Through Dr. Neuharth's book, I targeted the problem and now know I am not unique in being a child of controlling parents, and that my siblings are struggling with their own self-doubt and fear. This book takes a simple approach to understanding a complex problem by explaining why so many of us are still struggling with just trying to grow up. What a revelation!

I recommend this book to anyone who feels there is a problem with themselves but are not able to put their finger on the reason and who would like to finally do so. The format of checklists with dialog cuts to the chase without having to read through volumes of related literature.

I have sent copies to my brothers and sisters and can now feel 'okay' about my decision to put space between my parents and me while I learn to deal with the situation. This was the best book I have ever read to sort out the "whys" of my feelings: a definite 'MUST-READ'!

105 of 115 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A spark of hope has entered my life........, January 7, 2000

By 

"lovinlife8" (Washington) - See all my reviews

This review is from: If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World (Paperback)

This book is one of the best self help books I have read in a long time. It dealt more with the emotional than the physical abuse in childhood. I have always had a hard time because to me emotional abuse specially when mixed with religion can be so easily justified in your mind. You can feel like "something is really wrong here", but then in the same breath say "well they love me so much and are just obeying God and what he requires of parents". I have been eaten up with guilt for the rebellion against my parents that I displayed as a teenager. Now though I realize I rebelled against their control, not against them inorder to hurt them or make them miserable. I read this book, started seeing a therapist and confronted my parents and let me tell you how much freedom I feel for the first time in life. I actually feel happy, and a great sense of hope. What do I owe my parents? Why am I so fearful of hurting their feelings? Why can't I just do what is healthy for me? The book answered these questions and the exercises were wonderful. We need more books like this one because obviously there is a problem in parenting that needs to be looked at and changed fast! Kids are becoming more violent, less respectful of authority, and completely losing any conscience what-so-ever. So if I can break the generation sin that has been passed down for generations, then I am thankful I was put in the home I was put in and strong enough to SURVIVE!