Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex: A Memoir [Hardcover]

Jennifer Lehr (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 17, 2004

We quickly became the typical I-must-talk-to-you-every-night-and-drive-over-to-your-house-at-10-p.m.-because-I-absolutely-cannot-go-to-sleep-if-I'm-not-in-the-same-bed-as-you couple falling in love ... But just as quickly our honeymoon period came to an end. At first it wasn't clear. And then it was very clear. And then it was so fucking clear that John and I found ourselves driving to Beverly Hills for couples therapy.

When Jennifer Lehr found herself, at age twenty-eight, falling in love with a brilliant, kind, supportive comic named John, she breathed a sigh of relief. After a decade spent in a string of destined-to-fail relationships, and countless hours of therapy trying to repair the damage, her Mr. Right had come along. Even Jennifer's judgmental grandparents had no choice but to succumb to John's considerable charms.

Happily ever after? Not so fast. True love, Jennifer soon discovers, doesn't necessarily go hand-in-hand with a white-hot sex life. Just months into the relationship, she finds herself grappling with the question: What do you do when you find the committed, loving partnership you've always hoped for, but the sex is just so-so ... that is, when and if it happens at all? Distraught, yet dedicated to making their relationship work, Jennifer and John embark on couples therapy, twelve-step meetings, romantic getaways, Scheduled Date Nights ... and their gritty determination begins to pay off.

Looking back at her life (sexual history, botched romances, neurotic parents) while tracing her and John's bumpy progress toward marriage, what emerges is a provocative, courageously honest, poignant, and ultimately cheering chronicle of one woman's sexual odyssey. Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex is the quintessential modern-era love story -- complete with confused expectations, myths of romantic love, and the overriding hope that a successful relationship can be forged from the rubble.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Once upon a time, Jennifer, a 28-year-old Los Angeles grad student who has never supported herself financially nor had a successful romantic relationship, met John, 31, a nearly broke actor. He's a former alcoholic and drug addict, has long, thinning hair and lives in an apartment that smells of cat urine. Reeling from repeated encounters with unavailable men, Jennifer thinks John's "brilliant, funny, and fun," though he looks "like a troll." John's looks are just the tip of the iceberg. As the title of Lehr's charged memoir suggests, this is a story of sexual dysfunction—and redemption. Though too long, Lehr's narrative moves quickly, as she recalls being a teenager "afraid of having to 'go further' " with boys, trysts with handsome actors and her unfulfilling sex life with John, with whom she falls in love despite her initial lack of attraction. Lehr graduates, John lands a role on a sitcom and their relationship deteriorates. He doesn't want to have sex. She's determined to change that. So the bumpy road to happily ever after begins, including therapy, AA meetings, religious conversion, antidepressants, money fights—and sex, which Lehr describes explicitly. More than 50 photos of the couple throughout the book further personalize a very private tale. Thanks to Lehr's humor and openness, it's one that may help others struggling with similar issues.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Can lackluster sex turn a beloved partner into an ex? That's the question pondered in this engaging--if overlong--memoir from Lehr, an L.A.-based publisher of coffee-table books. When 28-year-old grad student Jennifer meets former alcoholic and drug addict John, she's convinced he's the man of her dreams. Jennifer has a wretched track record when it comes to romance, though, and her attraction to John seems borne of desperation rather than desire (she openly admits that he looks "like a troll"). From tense teenage dates to forbidden forays with handsome actors, Lehr recounts her rocky road from sexual dysfunction to marital bliss (well, not quite). Husband-to-be John, it seems, is soporific in their sessions between the sheets. Lehr is determined not to take his lack of lust lying down (so to speak), trying every trick in the book, from therapy to antidepressants, to light the libidinal fire. While her candor is admirable, Lehr's descriptions of sex may be a bit too explicit for some readers' tastes. More than 50 black-and-white photos--with black eye strips protecting the identity of former amours--keep things lively when the narrative loses steam. The sensationalistic aspects of this memoir may well generate plenty of off-the-book-pages publicity (an appearance with Howard Stern seems inevitable). Hoopla aside, Lehr's journey to happily-ever-after doesn't quite work as a piece of narrative nonfiction, but it may help the similarly bed-bound become better equipped. Allison Block
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (August 17, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060741570
• ISBN-13: 978-0060741570
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 7.4 x 1.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,385,236 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Ill-equipped for writing a book, September 5, 2004

By 

Jill Jayson (New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex: A Memoir (Hardcover)

(...) There is absolutely no way they read the same book that I did! For reasons that only Jennifer Lehr must know, she thinks she has a "universal" story to tell, but don't count on connecting with this drivel. In between sex scenes that rival pulp fiction for bad cliches, all you get is the day-to-day ramblings of a quintessential spoiled, shallow, self-important, self-indulgent narcissist. She reminds me a lot of Elizabeth Wurtzel -- without the writing ability. (Her idea of literary style seems to rest solely in her compulsion to overhyphenate, as in "a post-graduate-school-early-thirties-now-is-the-time-to-get-it-together time of her life" and "I'm-not-going-to-make-trouble-for-these-two-wonderful-kids-that-I-love-so-much-the-day-before-their-wedding-when-over-sixty-guests-from-around-the-country-are-coming-to-town-and-I'm-sure-they-have-a-million-last-minute-details-to-contend-with Grandmother." My god, did this woman have an editor?) It boggles my mind that anyone would think this is a story worth writing, let alone sharing with the world. If there's anyone I feel sorry for, it's her husband. It just makes you wonder, what kind of guy is supportive of his wife telling the world about his sexual inadequacies? This is the sort of book that the phrases "too much information" and "who cares?" were invented for. By the way, the only good thing about the book is its very creative design. But take my word: Enjoy the cover. Skip the book.

19 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Takes "self-absorbed" and "inane" to new lows, September 7, 2004

By 

Champy (Portland, OR) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex: A Memoir (Hardcover)

I wasn't sure it was possible in our Jerry Springer world, but Lehr has taken the "fun" out of dysfunctional! Despite its racy subject (sex), this book is grindingly dull and unreadable. Even skimming it is torturous, given that Lehr has no writing talent and no command of the English language and grammar. (Enough with the hyphens, use of "his/hers," and swear words!) I've labored over who-cares memoirs (like Katy Lederer's Poker Face), but Lehr's book redefines the category.

I'm left wondering: Which is more ludicrous--that Lehr thought anyone would be interested in reading about her pathetic, immature relationships or that a publisher paid her to write about it? It would all be laughable if Lehr didn't take herself and her situations so seriously. No such luck.

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars superficial ramblings of a spoilt brat, October 18, 2005

By 

F. Splatt (Australia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex : A Memoir (Hardcover)

The idea of this book is interesting, unfortunately the writer does not have the talent to use that idea.

Probably you will grow to hate the writer as much as I did. She is extremely spoilt, basically being supported by her parents and husband until she was over thirty. She just expects everyone to keep giving to her, spending huge amounts of other peoples money (that they can ill afford) on luxuries. She is so proud of all the accomplishments that she's made in therapy, but they're all pretty trite and obvious, at least to anyone over the age of about 18.

In addition to my dislike of the writer as a person, and the execution of the idea of the novel, the writing is also appalling. One other reviewer has called attention to the excessive use of hypenated phrases. Believe me, it's ridiculous and starts to grate. The general writing style is peppy and immature.

The font is badly chosen and the paragraphs widely spaced. The book is an awkward shape. About the only thing they got right was the cover design, which admittedly is quite nice.

I would definitely recommend that you stay away from this book, if you're looking for insightful and meaningful discussion.