Customer Reviews

Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex: A Memoir

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

(...) There is absolutely no way they read the same book that I did! For reasons that only Jennifer Lehr must know, she thinks she has a "universal" story to tell, but don't count on connecting with this drivel. In between sex scenes that rival pulp fiction for bad cliches, all you get is the day-to-day ramblings of a quintessential spoiled, shallow, self-important, self-indulgent narcissist. She reminds me a lot of Elizabeth Wurtzel -- without the writing ability. (Her idea of literary style seems to rest solely in her compulsion to overhyphenate, as in "a post-graduate-school-early-thirties-now-is-the-time-to-get-it-together time of her life" and "I'm-not-going-to-make-trouble-for-these-two-wonderful-kids-that-I-love-so-much-the-day-before-their-wedding-when-over-sixty-guests-from-around-the-country-are-coming-to-town-and-I'm-sure-they-have-a-million-last-minute-details-to-contend-with Grandmother." My god, did this woman have an editor?) It boggles my mind that anyone would think this is a story worth writing, let alone sharing with the world. If there's anyone I feel sorry for, it's her husband. It just makes you wonder, what kind of guy is supportive of his wife telling the world about his sexual inadequacies? This is the sort of book that the phrases "too much information" and "who cares?" were invented for. By the way, the only good thing about the book is its very creative design. But take my word: Enjoy the cover. Skip the book.

I wasn't sure it was possible in our Jerry Springer world, but Lehr has taken the "fun" out of dysfunctional! Despite its racy subject (sex), this book is grindingly dull and unreadable. Even skimming it is torturous, given that Lehr has no writing talent and no command of the English language and grammar. (Enough with the hyphens, use of "his/hers," and swear words!) I've labored over who-cares memoirs (like Katy Lederer's Poker Face), but Lehr's book redefines the category.

I'm left wondering: Which is more ludicrous--that Lehr thought anyone would be interested in reading about her pathetic, immature relationships or that a publisher paid her to write about it? It would all be laughable if Lehr didn't take herself and her situations so seriously. No such luck.

The idea of this book is interesting, unfortunately the writer does not have the talent to use that idea.

Probably you will grow to hate the writer as much as I did. She is extremely spoilt, basically being supported by her parents and husband until she was over thirty. She just expects everyone to keep giving to her, spending huge amounts of other peoples money (that they can ill afford) on luxuries. She is so proud of all the accomplishments that she's made in therapy, but they're all pretty trite and obvious, at least to anyone over the age of about 18.

In addition to my dislike of the writer as a person, and the execution of the idea of the novel, the writing is also appalling. One other reviewer has called attention to the excessive use of hypenated phrases. Believe me, it's ridiculous and starts to grate. The general writing style is peppy and immature.

The font is badly chosen and the paragraphs widely spaced. The book is an awkward shape. About the only thing they got right was the cover design, which admittedly is quite nice.

I would definitely recommend that you stay away from this book, if you're looking for insightful and meaningful discussion.

I think it's interesting that most of these glowing reviews are from Lehr's hometown, L.A. and that they typically don't include more than two lines. Come on, folks, let's be honest. The writing is stilted, the "message" completely self-absorbed. I'm sure Ms. Lehr is a very interesting person. But she needs an editor and several years in Iowa.

I picked up this book (already discarded by my local library, at their monthly book sell-off) because of the striking, collage-like cover (designed not by the book designer author, but by Richard Ljoenes) and the tart promise that this would be a shocking, no-holds barred, sexual diary written by a daring and experimental young woman. Sounds marvelous, doesn't it? And it probably would be, only THIS is not THAT book.

"Ill Equipped For a Life of Sex" is a haphazard biography of Jennifer Schlosberg, an immensely wealthy, spoiled privileged "princess" living a life of idle shopping and twee art projects (financed by mummy and daddy), and struggling with her own frigidity and dislike of sex, even as she feels compelled to enter into multiple unhappy sexual "hook ups". At the age of 28, she falls in love with a broke, struggling actor and from that point on, the story becomes the tale of their ENDLESS (and I truly mean ENDLESS) couples and sex therapy and financial counseling, as they attempt to take a relationship that was dead in the water on Date #1 and flail it into miserable life -- apparently to appease parents, rich grandparents and deal with the usual pressures that Princesses feel to marry at an age-appropriate time (lest they be spinsters).

As a Jewish woman myself, I feel bad for labeling anyone with the stereotype "jewish princess" label, but here it is unavoidable, because Mrs. Lehr beats the reader over the head with it incessantly, from her boyfriend's Jewish conversion classes to their "Martha Stewart-esque" wedding...no detail (or prices) possibly left unturned. As the text apparently was not enough suffering for the reader, we are also subjected to at least a couple hundred pictures of Mrs. Lehr, from childhood on (she blacks out the eyes of old boyfriends and family), and society-page type photos from her lavish, ultra-expensive wedding.

Even that's not enough, because the Lehr's then go on a luxurious but singularly awful honeymoon, whose fighting and sexual failures are highlighted down to the tiniest (most excruciating detail). In fact -- that's the word -- EXCRUCIATING. And honestly, Mr. Lehr is either a saint or an imbecile or strangely dependent on his wife's family money, because I have a hard time imaging HOW any man with a iota of self respect would allow his wife to decimate his character, his sexuality, the most intimate aspects of their marriage, their confidential THERAPY and oh, did I forget his horrifically thinning hair, which caused him to use hair-restoration drugs, which (may or may not) have reduced his sexual potency?

I can simplify things a great deal for the confused, self-absorbed Mrs. Lehr: you are sexually frigid, probably because you are so materialistic that you can't think about anything besides shopping for expensive clothes and shoes (on your parent's dime, as you have never done a day of gainful work in your life). You are obsessed with your physical appearance, especially your slim and attractive body, which you display nude in numerous photographs, and your heavily made up facial features.

In this entire book, I did not read one word about anyone else...anyone's feelings or sexual desires (not even her husband's!)...never a sentence about Jennifer doing anything for another person, volunteering, working hard on anything, caring about anything besides herself and spending money. Basically for the first 35 years of her life, everything was handed to her on a silver (or maybe it's platinum) platter! No wonder she is frigid; such a person is incapable of responding to anything that doesn't have a price tag on it with numerous zeros.

In doing a little research before writing this review, I was stunned to discover that the Lehr's are still married and even have a child. My heart goes out to this poor little baby, even with the silver (platinum?) spoon in her mouth. In due time, children grow up and learn to read, and someday poor little Jules Lehr will have to read the painfully embarrassing and pointless details of her mom's promiscuity, chilly inability to enjoy sex, shrewish control freak behavior, materialism and the utterly demeaning and heartless way her mother has publicly castrated her father -- painting a picture of him as the worst lover, bad tempered, cheapskate and practically impotent wimp that ever lived. What a truly tragic legacy!

Meanwhile, only read this if you enjoy hearing endless details about people's couple therapy, along with their awful shrewish fights and mind games, and all on top of mind-numbing descriptions of BAD, dreary, pleasureless sexual encounters...and topped by a greedy Brizezilla's wedding extravaganza. GAG! Or save yourself a couple hours, and just shoot yourself.

Oddly, for an artist with a Master's degree, the interior pages of the book never measure up to the attractive cover, and come across as a sophomoric display of family photos and clunky computer-generated desktop publishing. The cover is false advertising! In conclusion: not reccommmended and falsely promoted as an "erotic diary".

I found this book to be utterly disgusting, and it seems to only serve as a showcase for the author's devout narcissism...I mean, PLEASE spare me the details of her first anal sex probe, intercourse with a bathtub (HUH??) and carelessly wiped ass. Not sexy, just gross. Moving on to the writing style, I found it puerile and bland. What was the publisher thinking?

Are you kidding me? Who wrote these 5-star reviews? I'm guessing the answer to my question is: "her friends." This book has lines like: "Tom was upset, and I was upset. We had a great time." How anyone could sit down and read this entire book is beyond me. Reading about this self-absorbed woman and her husband were almost more than I could take - ugh! Will her next book be about their messy divorce? Please publishers, spare me the details. I do not want to be punished again. Save your money for real writers.

This book is built on a good idea, but the execution is poor. Lehr presents herself as self-absorbed and spoiled, which I thought was actually the redeeming, honest part of the book. But the writing is abysmal. Her simplistic sentence structure and robotic dialogue make for a bumpy ride. I can't believe she got a spot at Yaddo--there are thousands of better writers out there who deserve an art colony stay and a published book.

After reading this book, it became clear to me why the divorce rate is 50 percent. Though the writing is fresh and zippy, the plot is quite sad. Jennifer Lehr seems like an interesting, bright person, but the airing of dirty laundry is painfully narcissistic and sophomoric. What's even more disturbing is the cold, detatched tone the book takes, as though this was happening to someone else. It reminded me a little bit of Prozac Nation. I kept thinking, "That poor husband!" but we all make our choices...

Nothing is held back in this revealing account of a woman's frustration with her husband's sexual apathy before and after marriage. With no identities concealed, Jennifer lays out in all its embarassing detail the story of her many years with John, during which the imbalance in sexual appetite left her chronically unfulfilled. Beyond the naked details of their sex life or lack thereof, the book also exposes all the young couple's hangups and anxieties about money, including sharply different attitudes and acute resentments around spending, saving, earning, and taking handouts from family, and how this all got processed in their individual and couples therapy. This is casebook-worthy material in its microscopic examination of the lovers' endless anguish over sex, money, family, career, love, marriage and much else in their day-to-day living. Jennifer has a distinctive writing style that may be a little snarky and off-putting in its over-use of multi-hyphenated sentences, but it is more than offset by her wit, self-revelations and exhaustive memory for family history. The book's authenticity is enhanced by the many candid snapshots of Jennifer and her early boyfriends and lovers. As befits a woman who has made a career of publishing custom-designed commemorative volumes for well-healed clients, this book has an exceptionally eye-pleasing format, typography, and lay-out.
A further note: I learned much from Jennifer's analysis and application of the influential 'imago theory' of psychologist Harville Hendricks -- showing how unhealed psychic wounds can become the foundation of a healthy committed relationship when the couple come to understand how they are re-enacting with each other the unfinished business of their childhood skirmishes with parents. In sum, you will find Jennifer gutsy, creative, audacious, and enormously talented -- and her riveting story of searching for love cannot fail to help anyone seeking to improve an intimate or family relationship.