I'm Every Woman: Remixed Stories of Marriage, Motherhood, and Work [Hardcover]

Lonnae O'Neal Parker (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 25, 2005

Black women have been balancing the competing demands of work and home since before women even won the right to vote. But black voices are barely acknowledged in the mainstream "mommy wars" dialogue. Lonnae O'Neal Parker is determined to change that, in this uncommonly smart, highly acclaimed, and often witty examination—part memoir, part reportage—of how today's black women meet the challenges of marriage, motherhood, and work.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

AWashington Post journalist, wife and mother of three, Parker offers some sharp insights into balancing the multiple roles that engage contemporary women. Her remix blends history and memoir in "an assembly of voices and perspectives... of women... whose struggles presaged modern womanhood"—that is, middle-class black women for whom deciding not to go to work "wasn't an option at all." Money management, child-rearing, career management, cooking, religion, sexuality, having fun—all the things that women chat about among themselves get their moments. Parker's reach is broad, embracing her family, historical models (e.g., Ida B. Wells Barnett, Madame C.J. Walker) and a wide array of artifacts of popular culture (film, soap opera, rap music, magazines, etc.). Race plays a role in most of her observations; sometimes, as in the issues of skin color, hair and passing, it takes center stage. Parker's volume is best read in segments; a certain repetitiveness characterizes the remixing, and the pop culture references date quickly. Most working women will, nevertheless, find food for thought; as Parker puts it, "It's not that I believe that black women have all the answers—only that we have struggled with the questions longer and that sometimes that makes some of our tool sets more expansive." (Nov.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Parker, a Pulitzer Prize-nominated reporter with the Washington Post, intersperses historical context, her newspaper commentaries, and current observations in this sharp perspective on black womanhood. Parker grew up on the South Side of Chicago, watching the progress of generations beginning with her grandmother; she sees a widening of possibilities tinged with a history of limitations for black women. She recalls stories of black women making do and creating space for themselves, bringing glamour to the dismal and peace to the turbulent. Contrasting the struggles of black women to those of middle-class white women, Parker maintains that black women--with a longer, more complex history of balancing work and family--have broader skills for coping with demands while finding and securing joy in life. Throughout, Parker notes that whenever she is overwhelmed by the responsibilities of a journalism career, marriage, and motherhood with three children, she thinks of slave women with backbreaking dawn-to-dusk demands, and she is renewed. A heartfelt and probing look at issues of race and gender. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Amistad (October 25, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060592923
• ISBN-13: 978-0060592929
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,155,844 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars I Loved 'I'm Every Woman', November 7, 2005

By 

Michelle "Mickey" (Chicago, Ill.) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I'm Every Woman: Remixed Stories of Marriage, Motherhood, and Work (Hardcover)

Lonnae O'Neal Parker's book 'I'm Every Woman' was talking to women just like me -- women who are working hard, raising children and not getting enough time to play, let alone play hard. I love that she ties our modern day struggles to those of the hard-working black women before us. Not only did her stories of bartering with her husband resonate with me, but I learned something about the women I come from. It's nice to get that in a book that is largely about an author's life. So many authors just feed us their opinion without backing it up in history or fact, or anything except 'this is how I feel.' Bravo Lonnae O'Neal Parker. I know what 'every woman' in my life is getting for Christmas! Great read!

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Letter to Lonnae- I LOVE this book.--a Must Read for Black Women of Today, May 22, 2006

By 

Kelley C. - See all my reviews

This review is from: I'm Every Woman: Remixed Stories of Marriage, Motherhood, and Work (Hardcover)

Hello Lonnae,
Thank you again for signing my copy of "I'm Every Woman" at the Professional Business Women of California conference at the Moscone center. I really enjoyed your perspective on motherhood and the ever-elusive perfect mother load balance. When you signed my copy, I promised to write to you if I enjoyed the book. So here's my attempt to keep that promise.
I love the book.
From the first page I have been glued to every beautiful sentence. This book is art. Your story is my story. (Down to my Dona Rose who keeps up with my baseboards and babies.) Thank you for telling it in a format more poetic, musical and thoughtful than I ever knew possible. As an attorney, mommy and wife of a very in love husband I appreciate your candor and wit applied to our shared history and future. Thank you for taking the time to research and recite your findings and insights in the proper context. It brings a real depth to the work.

As I have read the book I have laughed, nodded in agreement, said "amen" and even welled up. I too see my ancestors smirk and raise a brow at what I often shamelessly feel is my hard life; To wit: my commute (to a great job), my children (healthy, robust and off the charts intellectually), and of course my husband (who loves to love me). Poor me. Right. Thanks for helping me keep it real.

As the direct descendent of a lovely tall black woman who was "kept" by a white man in the deep south of the early 1900's, I enjoyed your gift of a new understanding of Great Grandma's real power over her situation. She was not a victim of circumstance, but rather a well supplied provider of a good life for 6 chillen' who could pass if they wanted to. Forget about daddy documentation, this sister knew what mattered in a world where black sons were routinely hung. And I thank God that He pushed her blood through my veins in the form of tall stature and caramel skin in a family of short light bright women!

As a sorority member, I am pulled by my inability to fulfill my own club lady duties...but I am so thankful that you provided the context and validated the historical significance of the sisterly bond (and the right to hold up a pinky when sipping on my pricey tea in my large home). I hope to make the salmon pink and apple green a larger part of my life soon. I keep promising...but children, exhaustion and errands keep taking priority.

Perhaps one of the things I appreciate most about your story is knowing that I'm not alone. I'm not the only mother still in love with LL Cool J and everything he is and was. I'm not the only mother chagrined that she can't watch rap videos or listen to most contemporary hip hop anymore---even alone---and even though I know my 21 year old self would have been singing "lemme see yo grill daddy" at full voice! (yes...I too memorized my share of NWA and Too Short lyrics), And forget about modern commercial TV for my children---have you seen a Bratz doll? Please. Now, I was a SERIOUS Vanity fan. And learned to live with Appolonia since she did do an "ok" job of portraying my girl in the movie...but my daughter will NEVER hear anything like that in my home--and buy a doll wearing miss Vanity's cast off's? I don't think so.

I love your poem on page 15. A very nice remix on a classic. The line about the children is especially personal since they pull on me the most. I can hardly imagine someone wrestling my 4 year old from my arms--even during the times when I wish my mother was here so I could GIVE her away. Giving her away as a neatly wrapped and gleaming present becomes especially likely when I'm wrestling with her hair so foreign to my own soft curls. Her "out not down" hair (p. 75) is our bonding zone and seals in our hierarchy quite nicely. Poor baby. And don't trip on "sleep" for a verb girl, as I am sure my son would say mine is "yell". (p. 79)

And on page 20 -last paragraph-you SAID IT! Slave women get me out of bed on the regular. And I secretly giggle with them as I sit in my fancy office directing traffic and expressing myself. Imagine! Oh how I hope they can see us now. Don't you?

Thank you for sharing the intimacies about your marriage. As a woman who committed to her own husband as a tender 23 year old...I agree that waiting 'til 30 is some of the best advice seasoned women can give. (I didn't take it either and you KNOW I had to have that boy.) But we're making it work and learning to appreciate the nuances of real love. And I AM taking your date night advice. Because my growth is more meaningful if I have him along for the journey. Even if it requires a bit of tension as I stretch into the real grown up me.

Thank you for the story about Kim. My 10 year old sister has a wonderful and White momma. And I've already told my Dad that she's all mine at 13 "so's we can have us a talk". I am so looking forward to holding her hand as she traverses the real exploration of her race and sex and makes her own decisions. Your loving expressions about your cousin are inspirational. And I have my "Go Back" sign ready and waiting for my own sister. (p. 89)

I could go on and on -- and will if you let me (feel free to call or write back if you like), but mostly I wanted to offer heartfelt gratitude and sincere kudos for a job well done.

Girl, you did it. You did it for all of us educated (and not) married (and not) mothers (or hopeful) women who struggle with all the in-betweens. In-between classes, races, political lines, careers, passions and priorities. You have grabbed the baton of oral history and put it to paper in a fierce way---illuminating the joy and sorrow of generations in a sheath of pure God-given talent for the written word. Praise God for you.

I thank you and I honor you. If you ever want a reader on an early edition of book number 2---PLEASE call me. That's all for now. Two munchkins are waiting patiently for one last kiss. And a half-finished ice cream cone is in the freezer. Oh, and a dance class instructor awaiting my call for registration.
-Kelley C.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars From where we were to where I am now as a black woman in America, March 13, 2006

By 

AC Rice (Southern California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I'm Every Woman: Remixed Stories of Marriage, Motherhood, and Work (Hardcover)

Drawing on historical figures that are well-known and little known, plus women of her own family, O'Neal Parker has written a wonderful book that brings me from where we were to where I am now as a black woman in America. Working and married, (although not with children), I found each chapter had a lesson to teach and offered comfort in knowing I am not alone.

O'Neal Parker's thoughtful research in bringing us black women of history is especially welcome.

Excellent work that I will share with my friends, both black and not.