Customer Reviews

I'm Every Woman: Remixed Stories of Marriage, Motherhood, and Work

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Lonnae O'Neal Parker's book 'I'm Every Woman' was talking to women just like me -- women who are working hard, raising children and not getting enough time to play, let alone play hard. I love that she ties our modern day struggles to those of the hard-working black women before us. Not only did her stories of bartering with her husband resonate with me, but I learned something about the women I come from. It's nice to get that in a book that is largely about an author's life. So many authors just feed us their opinion without backing it up in history or fact, or anything except 'this is how I feel.' Bravo Lonnae O'Neal Parker. I know what 'every woman' in my life is getting for Christmas! Great read!

Hello Lonnae,
Thank you again for signing my copy of "I'm Every Woman" at the Professional Business Women of California conference at the Moscone center. I really enjoyed your perspective on motherhood and the ever-elusive perfect mother load balance. When you signed my copy, I promised to write to you if I enjoyed the book. So here's my attempt to keep that promise.
I love the book.
From the first page I have been glued to every beautiful sentence. This book is art. Your story is my story. (Down to my Dona Rose who keeps up with my baseboards and babies.) Thank you for telling it in a format more poetic, musical and thoughtful than I ever knew possible. As an attorney, mommy and wife of a very in love husband I appreciate your candor and wit applied to our shared history and future. Thank you for taking the time to research and recite your findings and insights in the proper context. It brings a real depth to the work.

As I have read the book I have laughed, nodded in agreement, said "amen" and even welled up. I too see my ancestors smirk and raise a brow at what I often shamelessly feel is my hard life; To wit: my commute (to a great job), my children (healthy, robust and off the charts intellectually), and of course my husband (who loves to love me). Poor me. Right. Thanks for helping me keep it real.

As the direct descendent of a lovely tall black woman who was "kept" by a white man in the deep south of the early 1900's, I enjoyed your gift of a new understanding of Great Grandma's real power over her situation. She was not a victim of circumstance, but rather a well supplied provider of a good life for 6 chillen' who could pass if they wanted to. Forget about daddy documentation, this sister knew what mattered in a world where black sons were routinely hung. And I thank God that He pushed her blood through my veins in the form of tall stature and caramel skin in a family of short light bright women!

As a sorority member, I am pulled by my inability to fulfill my own club lady duties...but I am so thankful that you provided the context and validated the historical significance of the sisterly bond (and the right to hold up a pinky when sipping on my pricey tea in my large home). I hope to make the salmon pink and apple green a larger part of my life soon. I keep promising...but children, exhaustion and errands keep taking priority.

Perhaps one of the things I appreciate most about your story is knowing that I'm not alone. I'm not the only mother still in love with LL Cool J and everything he is and was. I'm not the only mother chagrined that she can't watch rap videos or listen to most contemporary hip hop anymore---even alone---and even though I know my 21 year old self would have been singing "lemme see yo grill daddy" at full voice! (yes...I too memorized my share of NWA and Too Short lyrics), And forget about modern commercial TV for my children---have you seen a Bratz doll? Please. Now, I was a SERIOUS Vanity fan. And learned to live with Appolonia since she did do an "ok" job of portraying my girl in the movie...but my daughter will NEVER hear anything like that in my home--and buy a doll wearing miss Vanity's cast off's? I don't think so.

I love your poem on page 15. A very nice remix on a classic. The line about the children is especially personal since they pull on me the most. I can hardly imagine someone wrestling my 4 year old from my arms--even during the times when I wish my mother was here so I could GIVE her away. Giving her away as a neatly wrapped and gleaming present becomes especially likely when I'm wrestling with her hair so foreign to my own soft curls. Her "out not down" hair (p. 75) is our bonding zone and seals in our hierarchy quite nicely. Poor baby. And don't trip on "sleep" for a verb girl, as I am sure my son would say mine is "yell". (p. 79)

And on page 20 -last paragraph-you SAID IT! Slave women get me out of bed on the regular. And I secretly giggle with them as I sit in my fancy office directing traffic and expressing myself. Imagine! Oh how I hope they can see us now. Don't you?

Thank you for sharing the intimacies about your marriage. As a woman who committed to her own husband as a tender 23 year old...I agree that waiting 'til 30 is some of the best advice seasoned women can give. (I didn't take it either and you KNOW I had to have that boy.) But we're making it work and learning to appreciate the nuances of real love. And I AM taking your date night advice. Because my growth is more meaningful if I have him along for the journey. Even if it requires a bit of tension as I stretch into the real grown up me.

Thank you for the story about Kim. My 10 year old sister has a wonderful and White momma. And I've already told my Dad that she's all mine at 13 "so's we can have us a talk". I am so looking forward to holding her hand as she traverses the real exploration of her race and sex and makes her own decisions. Your loving expressions about your cousin are inspirational. And I have my "Go Back" sign ready and waiting for my own sister. (p. 89)

I could go on and on -- and will if you let me (feel free to call or write back if you like), but mostly I wanted to offer heartfelt gratitude and sincere kudos for a job well done.

Girl, you did it. You did it for all of us educated (and not) married (and not) mothers (or hopeful) women who struggle with all the in-betweens. In-between classes, races, political lines, careers, passions and priorities. You have grabbed the baton of oral history and put it to paper in a fierce way---illuminating the joy and sorrow of generations in a sheath of pure God-given talent for the written word. Praise God for you.

I thank you and I honor you. If you ever want a reader on an early edition of book number 2---PLEASE call me. That's all for now. Two munchkins are waiting patiently for one last kiss. And a half-finished ice cream cone is in the freezer. Oh, and a dance class instructor awaiting my call for registration.
-Kelley C.

Drawing on historical figures that are well-known and little known, plus women of her own family, O'Neal Parker has written a wonderful book that brings me from where we were to where I am now as a black woman in America. Working and married, (although not with children), I found each chapter had a lesson to teach and offered comfort in knowing I am not alone.

O'Neal Parker's thoughtful research in bringing us black women of history is especially welcome.

Excellent work that I will share with my friends, both black and not.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book because it speaks directly to my generation. Often, books that are about mothers, mommy-wars or the like are written by older women or by authors I have absolutely no connection to other than the fact we have children. I could relate to this book on so many levels and her historical references, specifically from the eighties, are right up my alley. This book is definitely on my gift giving list!

I truly enjoyed reading Parker's book, styled really as a collection of essays. Her social commentary is insightful and refreshing. She supports her observations with an impressive array of sources, reflecting research that spans sources from the 19th, 20th and 21st centuries. Her prose is engaging and evocative. When she writes: "Or to convey the ritual constant -- sometimes affirming, sometimes tearful -- stretching back over all the generations we remember, of planting a daughter between your knees and trying to bring a diasporic sensibility to the Africa growing from her head," she takes me back to Saturday "hair-fixin" nights during my childhood. Although it speaks loudest to African American women, this is a book for everyone. I plan to lend my copy to a Caucasian working mom, as I find myself already quoting Parker to encourage my friend on days when it's tough to be Every Woman.

It took me much longer to read "I'm Every Woman" than I would have liked, but it's not because of the book. Rather, it's because of my lifestyle--full-time job, mother, etc.--so I tend to lack time for ME.
I'm not complaining, I have a great life, and Lonnae's story was proof of that. The book is REAL. It's honest. It's refreshing. It captures various aspects of my life and many other women that I know. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Excellent work, Lonnae.

Lonnae O'Neal Parker is a successful woman who swiftly juggles her work and family life. In her book I'm Every Woman, she attempts to describe her life, her role models, her youth and finally her marriage and family. She also reminds the readers of the history of African Americans, which helps to understand her background a little bit more and the reason for writing the book.
According to O'Neal Parker, the life of African American women in the States is not easy. They have to work much harder then white women to be successful, they have no good role models, they are challenged in everyday situations. To prove her point, the author uses the words "black" and "white" all the time to show how white women have everything handed to them on a golden plate. After reading the first half of the book I couldn't help noticing how angry it made me feel. It should not be about being black or white. It should be about being a good human being. I don't agree with a lot of her arguments. She says there are no good black role models. How about Oprah? Look at the audience during one of her shows. Do you see mostly black women. No! White women all over the place. And they have no problem having her as a role model, whereas for Lonnea O'Neal Parker it is extremely difficult to look up to non-black women.
I found her book to be really difficult to enjoy. I would compare her writing style to constant droning and nagging. I must say it's not a book I was expecting to read.