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I'm OK--You're OK [Paperback]

Thomas Harris
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (76 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 6, 2004

Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves and others that determines how we feel about everything we do. And for a huge portion of the population, that position is "I'm Not OK -- You're OK." This negative "life position," shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational Adult capabilities, leaving us vulnerable to inappropriate emotional reactions of our Child and uncritically learned behavior programmed into our Parent. By exploring the structure of our personalities and understanding old decisions, Harris believes we can find the freedom to change our lives.


Frequently Bought Together

I'm OK--You're OK + Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. + Born To Win: Transactional Analysis With Gestalt Experiments
Price for all three: $31.92

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

The late Thomas Harris was a Navy psychiatrist and a professor at the University of Arkansas. He practiced psychiatry in Sacramento, California and directed the Transactional Analysis Association.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial; Reprint edition (July 6, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060724277
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060724276
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (76 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #53,165 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

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Customer Reviews

Read this book with an open mind. MathLover  |  29 reviewers made a similar statement
I found it to be very interesting and informative. monique ross mccoy  |  5 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
76 of 80 people found the following review helpful
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Using the Transactional Analysis theory first introduced by Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Thomas A. Harris has published the results of his pioneering work in this best selling book. This is probably one of the best books that explains how to use this theory in improving all kinds of personal relationships.

Dr. Harris starts off by going into the history of Transactional Analysis and the theories of those before Dr. Eric Berne. The second chapter explains the basic of Transactional Analysis which is the concept of the Parent, Adult, and Child ego states that are supposed to compose each and every one of our personalities. The Parent ego state contains all the information we accept as true that we have gathered from authority figures including our parents. The Adult ego state is the collection of all information that we have proven to ourselves as being true (using some sort of logic). The Child ego state is our natural good and bad side of feelings - love, anger, greed, empathy, etc. The author extensively uses the phrase P-A-C (Parent-Adult-Child) through the rest of the book.

Dr. Harris then introduces the concept of the four different life positions that each of us adopts at any given time. All of us apparently go through four life positions ending up with the last one in a sequential manner except some of us get stuck in the earlier stages (this results in problems that typically need therapy). These four positions are -

1. I'm Not OK, You're OK
2. I'm Not OK, You're Not OK
3. I'm OK, You're Not OK
4. I'm OK, You're OK

The next few chapters of the book focus on the fact that we can change no matter what stage we are stuck in and the theory behind how to change. The chapters after that focus on a few specific types of relationships - with spouses, children and adoloscents. There is then a chapter discussing when treatment is necessary and the book wraps up with a couple of chapters on P-A-C with regards to moral values and social implications of P-A-C. These last two chapters are more subjective and probably the author's personal views at that time. I have typically tried to take the information in these two chapters with a grain of salt.

Overall, this is an excellent book on using Transactional Analysis in improving your relationships with the most important people of your life. I found this book easier to read than 'Born to Win' or some of the original works by Dr. Eric Berne. This seems to be a common sentiment among those who have read and like books on Transactional Analysis. More than most self-help books out there, this book promises to lead to the most amount of positive changes. This is probably due to the systematic approach that is followed through out the book and the fact that it is very easy to follow and implement at almost any age.

Enjoy this life altering book!

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30 of 30 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very stimulating and enlightening book! December 13, 2000
Format:Hardcover
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand his or her behaviour in situations.

The "A-Ha" feeling you get when you start reading it comes when you understand why so-and-so makes you feel small or angry and why certain situations make you start playing some game.

It discusses the basic terminologies and vocabulary needed and then goes on to discuss in different social contexts and developmental contexts the application of Transaction Analysis.

This is not just a vague psychology book like Freud. It is extremely practical and insightful.

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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A very good book. November 21, 2002
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I read this book, and I would have to say that it is one of the best tools in understanding how and why people act the way that they do. I work with the public every day, and was at my wit's end with my customers and the way that they act. After reading this book I have a deeper understanding of their and my inner workings and have found my work life to be more productive and less confrontational. Great book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars It's okay
I found it a little all over the place and hard to follow. It has a different perspective which gave some insight
Published 12 hours ago by Sheila MacKenzie
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected
This book is totally different from the book I received in 1980 from my psychology class instructor. It was more like a workbook, but this one is okay.
Published 1 day ago by Rhoda Thornhill
4.0 out of 5 stars book
It is a good book.t is interesting. It is not one I really needed as I found Boundaries far better
Published 3 days ago by Sassycat
5.0 out of 5 stars Thaught me a lot.
The book fulfilled the purpose of the buy. It systematizes in a very simple language everyday issues of human relationships. Read more
Published 14 days ago by Ana Rocha Ferreira
5.0 out of 5 stars everyone should read this ook
This book is great I learned so much about myself with this book I will definately will recomend to everyone
Published 21 days ago by Cassy
5.0 out of 5 stars I'm Ok-You're Ok
This book was required for a class at school. I found it to be very interesting and informative. I'm taking my time to re-read again. Read more
Published 25 days ago by monique ross mccoy
5.0 out of 5 stars I'm OK!!!
I bought this book after having it recommended by Goodreads. It is one of the best books I have ever read. I find psychology and self help books boring and can never finish them. Read more
Published 1 month ago by M. SOLANO
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Really goes beyond the typical books about your mind and well being and looks into the how's and whys of our beings. A classic for sure.
Published 1 month ago by Busy24seven
4.0 out of 5 stars interesting concept
I read this book back in the 70 or 80s but didn't remember very much about it. This time around, I found the book very interesting and plan on trying the techniques.
Published 3 months ago by B. Valenza
5.0 out of 5 stars book
Read this years ago, but lost it. Decided I wanted to read it again. Great book, letting my children read it.
Published 3 months ago by terry howard
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