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65 of 68 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Deep insight on the inner workings of relationships., April 6, 2003
This review is from: I'm OK-You're OK (Mass Market Paperback)
Using the Transactional Analysis theory first introduced by Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Thomas A. Harris has published the results of his pioneering work in this best selling book. This is probably one of the best books that explains how to use this theory in improving all kinds of personal relationships. Dr. Harris starts off by going into the history of Transactional Analysis and the theories of those before Dr. Eric Berne. The second chapter explains the basic of Transactional Analysis which is the concept of the Parent, Adult, and Child ego states that are supposed to compose each and every one of our personalities. The Parent ego state contains all the information we accept as true that we have gathered from authority figures including our parents. The Adult ego state is the collection of all information that we have proven to ourselves as being true (using some sort of logic). The Child ego state is our natural good and bad side of feelings - love, anger, greed, empathy, etc. The author extensively uses the phrase P-A-C (Parent-Adult-Child) through the rest of the book. Dr. Harris then introduces the concept of the four different life positions that each of us adopts at any given time. All of us apparently go through four life positions ending up with the last one in a sequential manner except some of us get stuck in the earlier stages (this results in problems that typically need therapy). These four positions are - 1. I'm Not OK, You're OK
2. I'm Not OK, You're Not OK
3. I'm OK, You're Not OK
4. I'm OK, You're OK The next few chapters of the book focus on the fact that we can change no matter what stage we are stuck in and the theory behind how to change. The chapters after that focus on a few specific types of relationships - with spouses, children and adoloscents. There is then a chapter discussing when treatment is necessary and the book wraps up with a couple of chapters on P-A-C with regards to moral values and social implications of P-A-C. These last two chapters are more subjective and probably the author's personal views at that time. I have typically tried to take the information in these two chapters with a grain of salt. Overall, this is an excellent book on using Transactional Analysis in improving your relationships with the most important people of your life. I found this book easier to read than 'Born to Win' or some of the original works by Dr. Eric Berne. This seems to be a common sentiment among those who have read and like books on Transactional Analysis. More than most self-help books out there, this book promises to lead to the most amount of positive changes. This is probably due to the systematic approach that is followed through out the book and the fact that it is very easy to follow and implement at almost any age. Enjoy this life altering book!
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22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
A very good book., November 21, 2002
This review is from: I'm OK-You're OK (Mass Market Paperback)
I read this book, and I would have to say that it is one of the best tools in understanding how and why people act the way that they do. I work with the public every day, and was at my wit's end with my customers and the way that they act. After reading this book I have a deeper understanding of their and my inner workings and have found my work life to be more productive and less confrontational. Great book.
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
My five cents, October 12, 2004
This review is from: I'm OK-You're OK (Mass Market Paperback)
I recently finished reading this book. This is really a great book and gave me some insight into my own behaviour. It would be fair to say that this book has great value to those who get through first 3 chapters and understand the theory behind rest of the book.
Some reviewers have written about the validity of the theory iteself. While I am not qualified to comment on these reviews, one thing I can definitely conclude is that this book provides a solid base to those who are trying to understand their own behaviour and trying to achieve improvements in it. A theory, that too developed quarter century ago, can not be expected to stand 100% vindicated today. The more importent question is what use you are trying to put it to. So may be for a psyciatrist this is not a great book but for a layman like myself this book explains most of the things. After reading this book I could find out why I behave the way I behave mostof the times. To a certain extent I learnt to control my responses. Also I have a feeling that the claims made by Dr. Harris might be quite right in 1972 in light of the knowledge, then prevalent.
Second objection seems to be dividing 5 or 6 billion population in 4 types of people. I think this conclusion is far from correct. Dr. Harris has repeated said that most of the people belong to "I am not ok and you are ok" category. Out of the remaining 3 cattttegories 2 are shared by people who have not had proper childhood and the fourth is achieved by enlightenment of an individual. The objective here is not to merely categorize, but to show that how most of us have the common position "I am not ok and you are ok". Now this should not be taken as a gross simplification of human nature, but as a fundamental problem in human psycology that prevents one from producing rational responses.
Third critisism on this book stems from the fact Dr. Harris seems to quote philosophers with whom he does not agree 100%. It seems ludicrous to suggest that one must agree 100% with somebody else to merely quote a subsection which both of them agree upon. I don't think Dr. Harris wrote this book to declare to the world that he belongs to or believes in a certain academic thought 100%. The books surely derives from various thoughts put forward by various intellectuals (with whom he does not agree 100%) for the benefit of the reader. To call this approach pretentious is pretentious iteself.
I feel that reader should not by biased by comments made by reviewers. Read this book with an open mind. Read the chapeters on PAC and marriage, PAC and children, PAC and social implications, PAC and moral values. In this world that is becoming more and more crooked every other day, it tries to teach something good (and this good is not subjective or relative but absolute). Thanks.
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